To Love A Man
by AnnBlackwater
Summary: This is the sequel to "Blessed With a Woman" and this time, it is a story in Hawke's POV. It's about her experiences after leaving Starkhaven and how she survives without Sebastian whilst dealing with a fight for her own freedom as a mage in Kirkwall.
1. Taking Things One Minute at a Time

This is the sequel to 'Blessed With a Woman'. It's in Hawke's POV and details how she survives living on her own without Sebastian. Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Taking Things One Minute at a Time<strong>

I had made my mind up during the day. Watching Sebastian trying to argue his way through the nobles made me realize that it would never work. Nobles would never respect magic until it saved their skins. I understood that well enough. I was hidden in court that morning as the nobles told Sebastian that I deserved to be Counsellor, not Princess.

I don't think I would have left if Sebastian wasn't so determined to instate me as Princess but then again, his constant fighting for me was one of the traits that I loved so much about him. I suppose, I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

When night fell, my decision had already been made. I told all of my companions barring Sebastian to meet me the following morning at dawn for a surprise. They promised to be there on time. And that very night, I made love to him like the world was over.

In some ways, the world was over. Sebastian was the very air that I breathed. Without him, life might as well be done with. I know he noticed something. Where I was concerned, he had a way of knowing everything but he probably thought he could ask me the next morning, the next day. Were our positions reversed, I'm sure I would have thought the same. In some ways, it felt like the beginnings of happily ever after. We would have a forever of tomorrows to sort out our worries. We would have time… how very wrong he was.

I had felt a bittersweet smile cross my face as he fell straight to sleep after making love. With the fire glowing in the room, he looked like an angel. How fitting it was, a halo around his auburn hair, his face relaxed and calm and open. I succumbed many times into kissing him before finally rising from bed to pack. It didn't take too long. All I had in Starkhaven were my clothes and jewellery. Everything else was in Kirkwall.

It took a very long time to write the letter. I stumbled over words many times. I caught myself watching Sebastian sleep because I didn't know how to leave him. He was everything to me. He meant more to me than life itself. How could I leave?

Yet somehow, I had found that strength. For Starkhaven, for Sebastian… what wasn't I willing to do?

"Sebastian,

I could never ask for a better man, a better lover or even a better husband. If we had the chance, I know that you would have given me an incredible family. It would have been one of our own with laughing, troublesome children. I can hear the noises in my mind already.

I also want you to know that I love you very much and leaving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving you, even the thought as I watch you sleeping breaks my heart. However, I cannot allow you to be pulled apart between duty and love. Starkhaven has too many people. I cannot demand its falling apart only for me. No matter what, I am but one woman.

I hope that you'll remember what you promised me. You will find happiness even when I am gone. I also hope that you'll break your vow. Find another woman and be happy with her. I could never begrudge you that. So, I ask that you stop fighting for me.

I have gone for Orlais and I doubt that you will ever find me there. It is too large, too vast. So please, let me go. Don't even try to look for me. Be happy. Know this though – I love you and you will always have me, mind, soul and heart.

Yours Forevermore,

Hales"

I folded the letter and kissed the parchment, leaving the soft pink lip stain that I almost always wore. I left it upon the pillow and succumbing to weakness one last time, I stared into his sleeping face, kissed him once more and left the bedroom, passing by Widge's room to collect him.

Widge had been confused but I explained, "You need to keep quiet. We're leaving Starkhaven."

A mabari hound was loyal to the end. Though he seemed reluctant, he followed me without any problems.

Carrying my baggage, I went downstairs to the Throne Room. Everyone was already there. I strode into the room and loudly dropped my bags. They stared at me in shock.

Anders was the first to recover, "This is the surprise you were going to tell us? You're leaving?"

I nodded, "Starkhaven will be torn apart if I don't leave. Sebastian wants me to rule by his side. The nobles won't accept a mage. If I don't go, Starkhaven will turn into the city we found. That's not what I want."

There was pandemonium. I heard the broken shouts and sobs of all my friends. My family. Aveline concluded, "We'll leave with you then. We can use Isabela's ship. We'll-"

I cut her off, "No."

Merrill had half cried out, "But you're our leader! We can't leave you! You can't leave us."

I smiled and nearly cried from her sweetness, "If all of you have ever respected me as a leader, as a sister, as a part of your family then you will do this for me. You will stay here. Protect Starkhaven. Make it better."

Fenris had, with his signature baritone-rich voice, "And what of you?"

Bethany rushed forward to me, "You said we would build a life you! You promised!"

Always the little sister. I held her to me for a moment, "I will write often and I will keep safe. Make sure you keep my letters away from Sebastian. Also, I've told him I'm going to Orlais so keep up appearances, please."

Varric asked, "Where will you be?"

I shrugged, "Kirkwall."

I stared at our group. Fenris and Isabela. Aveline and Donnic. Anders and Bethany. Three romantic relationships that had blossomed with my own. My heartstrings tugged and I nearly doubled over from the pain. Varric and Merrill – that pair was the only who had the father-daughter relationship. Merrill was too naïve for a relationship and Varric was not interested in women after taking on the duty of looking after Merrill.

With tears in my eyes, I rushed to my friends.

To Aveline I said, "I entrust Starkhaven to your safe-keeping, Guard-Captain. Do me proud, my friend." Surprisingly, she rewarded me with a fast embrace.

To Donnic I simply requested, "Look after Aveline" before shaking his hand.

Isabela had wrapped her arms tightly around me, her hands stroking at my hair. She whispered in my ear, "I know that you think you're doing the right thing but whilst you take the time away from Starkhaven, know that your family is waiting for you to come home." I wiped away tears as she spoke.

Fenris had cradled my face, telling me, "This isn't right, Valentha but should you need me, all you need to do is send word."

I clasped both Fenris and Isabela's hands in mine and told them, "Don't be crazy. Stop denying your feelings and look after each other." They nodded.

Merrill had begun openly sobbing. She muttered broken words of love and friendship into my neck and hugging her, I could only pat her back. I told her, "Be a good teacher. No more blood magic, alright?" Through tears, she had nodded.

Varric had offered me a firm handshake. He wasn't the hugging type but even he had tears in his eye. He nodded, "Hawke. Look after yourself. Bianca and I will miss you."

Bethany was another who had tears streaming from her eyes. I opened my arms and she ran into them so quickly, I nearly fell backwards. She offered, "I could-" but I shook my head. Her heart was with Anders now. They deserved their own happily ever after. I kissed her forehead and told her, "Once I'm in Kirkwall I'll write every week. Everyday if you want. Twice a day if you like. It'll be like I never left." It was the biggest lie I had ever told.

Anders was the most heartbroken. The expression on his face was the straw that broke my back or my tear ducts. So emotional, our magic connected. We stared at each other, silent to the rest of the group but we spoke in our minds.

"_How could you go?" he asked._

"_Starkhaven has improved so much. I can't ask for its destruction just for me."_

"_And what about us?"_

_I smiled, "Everyone has a place now-"_

_He yelled out in his mind, "You have a place here!"_

_I nodded, "But what if it led to destruction? It wouldn't be right, Anders."_

_Whispering into my mind, "I love you", Anders retreated just as Justice reached forward to echo his farewells. _

_I murmured back, "I know. I love you, too."_

Our connection broke and crying, Anders held me close. Tears dropped onto his neck but he didn't complain. I said out loud, "Look after Bethany for me."

Lifting my baggage and whistling a loud note, Widge and I walked to the double doors. I turned for a brief moment and stared at my family, watched them until my vision became blurry and fogged. I told them in a broken voice, "I'll write soon. I love all of you so much."

Pulling the hood of my robe over my face, tears streamed down my face but my pace never faltered. The heart ache was immense. I couldn't breathe but I heard it in my ears, gasping as though there was no oxygen.

Widge and I were on a ship out of Starkhaven within an hour. I sat on the deck, my face curled into Widge's warm fur as I tried to live life one moment at a time.

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><p>AN: I cried writing this. I guess I was imagining me leaving my group of friends and the heartache it entailed. Did you enjoy it? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	2. Two Different Cities, Two Different Home

**Chapter 2: Two Different Cities, Two Different Homes**

How many days of sailing actually occurred, I never knew. I was hollow. Days and nights ceased to mean anything. Somehow, I had no more tears. Somehow, I made it to Kirkwall.

The second I stepped upon the shores of Kirkwall, the heartache redoubled. Every corner of Kirkwall I looked, there were memories of Sebastian. There were memories of my family. I was wrong. All I had in Starkhaven wasn't just clothes and jewellery – I had left my heart there, too.

Every fibre of my being screamed at me to get back on another ship and return to Starkhaven. There was nothing in Kirkwall for me. Nothing. Still, I pushed myself forward. I took steps one at a time and though, I had been carrying multiple pieces of baggage and doing damage to my muscles in my arms, I felt no pain.

I stood in front of Hawke Estate, the shields at the door mocking me. Why was I here? Why wasn't I in bed with Sebastian, cuddled into his warmth? I knocked.

It was Bodahn who greeted me but his smile faded when he saw my face. After so many years of serving as my manservant, he had come to care for me. As he ushered me in, he had relieved me of my luggage and Widge took his spot before the fire. Sandal greeted me with a happy, "Enchantment!" I had enough feeling left in me to pat his head.

Oranna curtsied, "Mistress. Would you like me to set up a bath?" I'm not sure whether I answered. I think, Bodahn might have answered for me. He took the hooded robe I had on and asked me, "Lady Hawke, are you alright?"

I shook my head and sat on the table where letters used to be kept. I kept shaking my head, talking through sobs, "I left Starkhaven. I left Sebastian."

Bodahn understood straight away. He knew of our affections. Sebastian had lived in my house for a while before we left for Starkhaven. Helping me up the stairs, he whistled for Widge to follow. Up in the room, he instructed Oranna to help me into the bath whilst he sorted out my belongings.

Before he left, he told me, "There are letters on your desk. Most of them are gifts of thanks and I have written back to thank them on your behalf. There was a new letter that arrived this morning bearing the Starkhaven crest. I hadn't opened it yet."

I nodded as Oranna undressed me and helped me into the tub. She threw bath oils and salts into the water before leaving me alone. As I stared around the room, all I could see was Sebastian. All I heard was Sebastian. I could visualize the first time we made love, a couple intertwined, flirting, teasing and finally, rolling onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. I saw the time I had been deeply injured and Sebastian had stayed with me whilst I bathed. I closed my eyes and submerged into the water. It was the only place where he didn't exist. There was no one. Nothing. Only me. Somehow, that didn't make me feel better.

It was hours later before I got out of the water that had long cooled. I never bothered to heat it. I could have, being a mage but I didn't. Widge stared at me with sympathetic eyes and I got into bed, determined to stay there forever.

My mabari would have none of that. He found the letter from Starkhaven and holding it between his teeth, he spat it onto my bed before leaping upon the foot of the bed to keep me company. I sighed out. I didn't want to read it but Widge was insistent, huffing and butting his head against my legs until I relented.

It was from Bethany.

"Sister,

After you left, our group organized ourselves into times when we would read your letters together and write them together. We've decided upon you sending letters directly to me and we'll share it amongst ourselves any time Sebastian holds court. That's every two days. Even so, I expect daily letters as promised."

As I read, I had to wonder how she managed to keep her bravado whilst I had none left.

"Sebastian raced down the second he was awake. Maker, I don't think I've ever seen any man so heartbroken in his life. He was going to come fetch you but we all stopped him. It was chaos. He fought and fought. Fenris snarled and yelled at him, telling him that if he didn't rule Starkhaven with a steady hand, the heartache you were going through would be for nothing."

I wept silently, apologizing to him in my mind.

"He asked us if you said where you were going. We told him Orlais as you requested. I'm not entirely sure he believes us. Sebastian hasn't really spoken to us since then. He hasn't smiled either. He spent a whole day up in his room and when he came out, he looked really bad. Isabela tells me that he must have been crying from a broken heart.

From what Fenris says though, he's seen Sebastian working even harder than before to make Starkhaven right. Fenris says that if he reads him right, he's going to stabilise Starkhaven and then come after you. Varric agrees. Varric says "the man loves Hawke too much to let her run off" and that "Choir Boy will find her the second he can leave".

Merrill behaves like nothing has changed, for the most part. She's got this constant smile on her face and she tells us that "Hawke will be back. She's just gone off for a bit of a flight like a bird then she'll come back. Starkhaven is home now."

Sister, I don't know what you're trying to achieve. If anything, Sebastian has become all the more unrelenting when it comes to the nobles in court. He insists upon that tax system the two of you were talking about. He worked out the last of the kinks. It's a pretty good idea. He explained that there would be higher taxes for each sovereign earned past a particular mark. Aveline told me that it is twenty silvers of tax for every sovereign earned for the first one hundred sovereigns. From the one hundred and first sovereign to the two hundredth sovereign, the tax is raised to thirty silvers. And so on and so forth. Numbers never worked well for me.

Anyway, write back when you get this. Let me know how you are.

Love,

Bethany"

Alongside Bethany's name were multiple signatures. Some of them were just scratchy initials but Fenris had managed a full cursive script and I think I almost smiled at how far he had come through in life but it fast faded.

Fenris… who would I teach reading to? Memories tore at me… visits in his dusty, old mansion… Fenris 'redecorating' the walls… Fenris and I sparring in the foyer of his unkempt residence… falling asleep upon his shoulder when I was supposed to teach him how to read…

I wallowed in misery, sank into despair. I wished life to be over but I could not, for Bethany's sake. I could not cause her more heartache, protected as she was by Anders. It was that thought that made me write back. I had to be strong. If they knew of how I was really faring… they'd leave Starkhaven in an instant to make sure I was alright. I couldn't have that.

"To Bethany, Anders, Fenris, Isabela, Varric, Merrill, Aveline and Donnic,

Somehow your letter arrived to my house prior to my arrival. I have just settled in, taken a bath and in need some sleep."

I could no longer call my own estate a home. This wasn't home. Home was… elsewhere, I sighed.

"Thank you for writing to me and letting me know how Starkhaven is faring. Thank you for staying and helping him."

I couldn't even write his name. Even thinking about him brought fresh tears to my eyes and I wasn't sure how I could ever stop. I needed to stop loving him. I had begged the Maker for mercy, asking Him to take my feelings away.

"I will write again tomorrow.

I love you,  
>Hales"<p>

I lay down in bed, empty without Sebastian but thankfully, Widge stayed with me. Tired as I was, exhausted to the core, sleep never came. Only tears.

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><p>AN: This story is going to be sad for a little while. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	3. Three Weeks with Three Servants

**Chapter 3: Three Weeks with Three Servants**

"Hales,

All of us are well. Glad you made it to Kirkwall safely. What have you been up to?

Things in Starkhaven aren't going so well. The nobles aren't too appreciative of the new tax system. I heard a lot of arguing from the throne room the other day. Aveline had a pretty tough job of keeping some of those nobles in line. I think they were on the verge of physical abuse.

Sebastian isn't faring so well either. Without you, he's become uneasy and frustrated. Everyone knows you were his calming influence. Now that you're not here…

Apparently, summer in Starkhaven means countless parties. He hasn't been to a single one, though. I'm sure that's making him less and less popular. No one even cares about clothes without you around.

Bethany"

I created stories and lied through my teeth.

"Bethany,

Not up to much. Got heaps of letters to reply to. That's it. I'm trying to take some time for myself.

Hales"

I didn't comment about Sebastian. A part of me just… didn't want to know anymore. The more I knew, the more it seemed like a mistake, the more I wanted to return. I couldn't though. It would only cause even more problems.

"Sister,

We miss you so much. It's like you've taken the fun out of life. Nothing is lively around here anymore without you. Isabela and Merrill had a gigantic fight. I don't think I've ever seen the two of them fight like that. Isabela thinks you should come home. Merrill thinks that you'll never come back. I think everyone's really hurt over Merrill's comments. Please promise us it's not true.

Bethany"

I lied through my teeth some more.

"To everyone,

I am perfectly happy. Please don't fight over me. It's important that a family stays strong. I miss you all, too. I'm not sure that I will be returning to Starkhaven but all of you are free to visit me at any time you like. Just make sure no one else knows where I am.

Hales"

I was, of course, referring to Sebastian but hopefully, they would understand.

"Sister,

You could write more than three lines per letter. Surely, there are interesting things happening in Kirkwall. So Anders asked me to ask you how the mages are faring over there.

Bethany"

I had no idea. I never left the house. I barely ate. I didn't sleep but I lay in bed all day. When Widge went stir-crazy from being kept indoors, I had Bodahn and Sandal take him out. There was no sunlight in my life even though everyone was enjoying the summer. My room would have been in disarray if Oranna hadn't been around. The only thing I lived for was Bethany's letters. What did I know about mages?

Honestly, I didn't care. I wanted to be left alone until I died from starvation or something.

"Bethany,

Everything is fine.

Hales"

Apparently, that answer didn't work. Anders was the next to write a reply.

"Hales,

I found the letter on Bethany's table and opened it without her knowing. Everything is NOT fine. We've heard from some merchants that the Kirkwall Circle was completely burned down not long after we left for Starkhaven and because there was no trade occurring between the two cities, we never got the news till now.

There are no mages in Kirkwall because all of them are supposed to be dead. If anyone is a mage, they are apostates or under Meredith's direct command. Look after yourself. You can't be a mage under Starkhaven's Circle and live in Kirkwall, it doesn't work that way. You are an apostate in Kirkwall.

I told Bethany to ask you how the mages were because I wasn't convinced that you were going to look after yourself properly. Seriously Hales, when was the last time you even left the house? If you're going to be this way, come home. I don't want to see you do this to yourself.

If I don't start seeing an improvement within the next few letters, we're going to tell Sebastian you're in Kirkwall and we'll drag you, kicking and screaming or even drugged, back home. He already wants to go to Kirkwall to help out the mage situation but we've persuaded him against it, telling him that he does nobody any favours by helping Kirkwall when Starkhaven isn't secure.

I've burnt that stupid letter you wrote. Everything is NOT fine. Try that line again and you know what I'll do.

Anders"

Maker damn Anders to the Void, I had thought at the time. Yet it was this letter that had me rising to my feet.

I got dressed and called Oranna and Bodahn up to my room. I asked them, "What happened in Kirkwall after we left for Starkhaven?"

Oranna had answered with a curtsy, "Another mage was titled as First Enchanter after Orsino's resignation. Maybe two weeks later, blood mages and supporting mercenaries tried to burn down the Circle Tower but they were found out and then-" she winced as she paused.

How had I not noticed the stench of death? How had I not noticed the angry scent of fire and burning? I wasn't sure. Maybe I hadn't really been aware of anything at the time aside from my heartache.

Bodahn comforted her with a soft pat on the back before explaining, "The blood mages were executed. Three months later, they tried it again. Half the Gallows is destroyed. This was only a few days before you arrived, Lady Hawke. This time, they succeeded. Almost all the mages died. The survivors were then kept in Viscount's Keep under Knight-Commander Meredith's command. Any apostates who did not come forward were deemed to be blood mages. They were killed in public as an example."

I blanched. I felt colour drain from my face. Meredith, the psychopath, was out killing every mage possible and if I knew her right, she would deem any mage who refused to bend to her will as a blood mage.

I nodded to them and made a snap decision. I would find purpose by taking over what Anders had once done for Kirkwall – fight for the plight of mages. I told them, "I will be in the Chantry with Widge."

I left Hawke Estate for the first time, turning to the Chantry in search of Elthina. Widge and I found her atop the podium as always. She was tired, weary and though she had been an older lady for a while, it seemed she had aged much in the last few months that I had been away from Kirkwall.

I bowed to her, "Your Grace."

She had not seen me and had almost jumped at the sight. Many emotions crossed her face. Shock, curiosity, hope and questions spilled from her hastily, "Champion! What are you doing here? Why are you here? I-"

I shook my head at her, sympathy welling within. Much had happened and she was under extreme stress. Taking her arm, I led her to a row of seats so she could compose herself. She tried again, "I didn't expect to see you here."

I nodded, "I left Starkhaven. The nobles didn't want to accept me as Princess and Sebastian," it took effort to even say his name out loud and I had to control the tears that threatened to flow, "would not take no for an answer. Realizing that Starkhaven would be torn apart, I left."

Her eyes were widened in surprise and she said incredulously, "I don't see Sebastian letting you go just like that!"

I had shrugged with weariness, "I left whilst he was asleep. I told him I was in Orlais. The rest of my companions… they are lying for me. They know I am in Kirkwall." With shame in my heart, I confessed, "I have been back for the last three weeks but… I just never noticed the wreckage when I arrived and I haven't stepped out of Hawke Estate until today."

Elthina touched my hands and I burst into tears, heartbreak overwhelming me. She stroked my back and with a soothing tone, she told me, "It took courage and strength to sacrifice yourself for the good of a nation."

I whispered to her, "It hurts so much but I had to come when I found out what happened."

Her Grace nodded kindly and promised, "I will pray for you, child."

I wiped my tears, trying to compose myself. I told her, "I was part of the Starkhaven Circle but I left, so I must be an apostate now."

A thoughtful look crossed her face and she stood, lifting me up from the seat. She said, "Come, we will go to Viscount's Keep and I shall explain to Meredith why you have no come forward until now. She will give you no problems, I am certain."

As we walked towards Viscount's Keep, I told her, "I don't share your faith."

"You are Champion," she said simply, "there are some things that even a Knight-Commander such as she must tolerate."

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><p>AN: So Hawke finally has a purpose in Kirkwall. Will it be good enough? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	4. Four Blood Mages Including Me

**Chapter 4: Four Blood Mages Including Me**

As we strolled through Hightown, I began to notice a lot of changes. Where Hightown used to be clean and relatively in good shape, it now changed to something else entirely. There was blood everywhere. Dried pools of blood splotched the ground and speckled the walls. I asked Elthina, "What happened?"

She gave a tired sigh, "Since the Circle was burned down, many mages were killed. Some were blood mages and others, I'm sure were actually innocent. Everything in Kirkwall is getting out of control. I have been told by many of the Andrasteans who come to the Chantry that food is scarce and crime is everywhere. Many cities have refused trade. We're very much isolated."

I told her, "Starkhaven was in very poor condition when we arrived but this… this is much worse."

She replied, "From what I hear, Starkhaven is doing very well under Prince Sebastian and his counsel."

I shrugged, "We made many changes and most of them have been for the better. We need that change here."

Elthina paused outside the doors of the Keep. She told me, "I hope this goes well. Otherwise, Kirkwall will be in much trouble." It was a little cryptic but I filed it away for later questioning.

Viscount's Keep was, for a lack of better words, a complete disaster zone. Mages huddled in groups, sitting in rows under the watchful eye of Templars. What I saw made fury rise to my head. The Templars were positively abusive! If a mage even so much as walked two steps from where they were previously, a Templar would hold up their swords and demand to know where the mage thought they would heading off to.

When a Templar caught sight of me with Elthina, he had yelled, "Blood mage!"

Six swords were brandished at my throat and Elthina was shoved away from me by a guard. Things had evidently taken a turn for the worse in terms of the dynamics between Templar and mage. I protested, "I am no blood mage!" but it fell upon deaf ears. The will to fight came strong. I felt a little like myself again and sending a strong mind blast, the Templars fell upon their haunches.

Many of the Templars roared in hatred eager for a fight and I was more than happy to comply. It was probably foolish but I brandished my staff, ice and fire forming at my fingertips. Meredith's voice rang clear from the top of the stairs, "That is enough! Mage! You will –"

She realized who I was. Her eyes became cynical, nasty, calculated but she attempted civility, "Stand down, Templars. That is the Champion of Kirkwall you attack." She took slow steps walking towards me, her eyes icy and cold. "So the Champion of Kirkwall arrives. You have come to turn yourself in after all this time, have you? I fear your attempts at abiding the laws I have handed down come in a little too late, apostate."

My grip tightened around my staff and I felt the mana within me flare. Elthina stepped forward, "The Champion was in Starkhaven and has only recently returned. She was unaware of the laws and I can vouch for her sincerity in coming to the Keep today."

Meredith's eyes flickered towards Elthina, "And how do I know the apostate has not been using blood magic upon you, Your Grace?"

I told her, "I might be in Kirkwall now but I was a mage in the Starkhaven Circle. I have used no blood magic."

Meredith did not relent, "I have no proof that you were in Starkhaven. You could have been here all along. And if I do take your word that you were in the Circle then you have evidently, escaped."

I had laughed, a cruel and harsh sound that made the Templars flinch before telling her, "Knight-Commander, it seems you have been holed up in this Keep for too long. It is obvious you have absolutely no knowledge about the contributions I have made for Starkhaven and how the Circle works in that city. There are very many nobles who can vouch for my existence in Starkhaven court and in fact, I even have proof that I belong in the Starkhaven Circle."

Her lip curled in distaste. I understood an animal such as she. To be told that she was ignorant was unthinkable and to prove it? Oh, she was infuriated, I am sure. She snarled, "Proof?"

I smirked in smug satisfaction, "I do believe it was First Enchanter Orsino that wrote my name upon the registry of mages in Starkhaven. In fact, I do believe my name is the very first on that list."

I watched as hatred crossed her features. For me to rattle off the names that she knew well meant that I could not have been making things up – she could check at any time. She would know if I was lying. Yes, I was feeling like myself again. The heartache never abated but I had purpose. I would not allow Meredith to kill any more mages in the name of 'justice'.

She commanded, "You are still a mage and therefore, under my direct command. You will do everything I order you to do and if you do not bend to the will of Kirkwall's law, you will be charged with treason. Do you understand?"

I nodded, "Patently, Knight-Commander."

There was a look in her eye that had bile rising to my throat. She was planning something. Whatever it was, I was sure to hate it. She gestured, "We have much to discuss. Come to my office."

Elthina and I walked towards her office. It was the one that the Viscount once used. I sensed her plan immediately. She wanted to be Viscountess. Closing the door behind us, Meredith began her tirade, "I have laid down new laws in Kirkwall. All mages are to turn themselves in and stay in the Keep as per my direction." She threw a sheath of parchment at me that contained four names, one of which was my own. She ordered, "As you know, there was an incident at the Gallows. Many phylacteries were destroyed and many mages took the opportunity to escape. We've recovered most of the fugitives. However, I require your assistance in tracking down the last four," and then recovered without remorse, "three."

She spoke of mages as though they were no more than a piece of chattel, recoverable and disposable. I was also certain that she had made that slip of tongue deliberately. She wanted me to feel threatened.

I asked for the details, "I heard about the fire but how were the phylacteries destroyed?"

She frowned, "An insurrection. Several of my own Templars orchestrated the escape with blood mages and mercenaries, presumably out of sympathy for the mages. They turned their backs on their duty and endangered their charges as well as the city. Thankfully, most who escaped fled to their families and offered no resistance, for the most part. The last three are proving more… difficult."

I told her in a neutral tone, "I am surprised that you turn to me. We do not share similar thoughts and views."

Her voice was grating but I endured as she spoke, "I have asked you to track these fugitives so you might see for yourself what we Templars deal with everyday. If you can be led to see reason, you will support our cause. The citizens will follow the example of The Champion."

I shook my head, "Led to see reason? You think imprisoning mages and keeping them huddled in groups is somehow reason? I will not support your cause. Blood mages are dangerous, yes. And for Kirkwall, I will ascertain as to their whereabouts but do not feel for a second that I will _ever_ support you. What you do here is not justifiable."

She ignored my words and ordered, "Talk to these mages' families, learn where they are hiding and find them before they do harm. You will see that imprisonment or death is sometimes the only kindness we can offer. If you believe they are worthy of our mercy after this task, tell me then. Speak to my assistant, Elsa. She can tell you whatever you need to know. I bid you good day, Champion."

Without another word, she left. I told Elthina, "Stay for a moment whilst I speak with Elsa. I wish to speak to you afterwards." She nodded in agreement.

A Tranquil greeted me. She was Elsa. A sunburst decorated her forehead and she spoke in a monotonous voice, without inflection. I felt nauseas as she spoke, "Good day, Champion of Kirkwall. Knight-Commander Meredith has informed me that you will be tracking down the apostates on behalf of the Templars. There are three of them: Humon, Emile and Evelina."

I asked her, "Why does Meredith have a Tranquil as an assistant?"

"The Knight-Commander believes Tranquil mages to be efficient and single-minded. I, in particular, am extremely organized."

"Are the apostates, blood mages?" I asked in query. I felt sick. This girl… she was young and pretty. She could have had a family. She could have had children. She could have had a life.

She answered me and what she said, chilled me to the core but offered me also a glimmer of hope. "The Knight-Commander suspects this, yes. She tends to assume all apostates practice blood magic. She prefers to err on the side of caution."

This was my chance. I had evidence of Meredith's injustice towards mages. Meredith would have to watch her back. Just as Sebastian tipped Goran off his chair, I would knock Meredith from her self-erected pedestal.

I asked Elsa about the three apostates. Huon was an elven mage with a wife, Nyssa, who worked in Lowtown and insisted she had not seen Huon since he was taken to the Circle. Templars found no sign of him hiding amongst the other elves in the alienage. Emile de Launcet was the fifth son of the Comte de Launcet. A noble family from Orlais who had lived in Kirkwall for over three decades and insisted they had not seen their son since he was taken to the Circle. Evelina was the one that had me frowning. She had openly killed Templars and had run into Darktown. With all the information acquired, I bid Elsa good day and left with Elthina for the Chantry.

Once there, I told her passionately, "I can not believe you have no attempted any action for the sake of Kirkwall. Mages, treated like animals! The Templars, abusing their authority! This would not have happened in Starkhaven."

She barely smiled, "You are in Starkhaven, no longer."

I narrowed my eyes, "So we should sit idly by and do nothing? We should pretend that Meredith's actions are justified? We should pretend that every mage is a dangerous apostate who practices blood magic?"

Elthina shook her head, "I am part of the Chantry. I can take no part in this conflict."

I nearly shouted, "Take no part! You supported Meredith in her ascension to the seat of Knight-Commander and now you wish to tell me you can play no part? Templars were a part of the Circle's destruction and the public has no knowledge of this. She is _lying_ to the Kirkwall public."

Weakly, she sat down upon a chair and told me, "I suggested her because she was a good woman. She had Kirkwall's interests at heart."

I asked her in challenge, "And what of its people? If citizens are the Maker's children then what are mages? Are they not the Maker's children, too? You would allow a portion of your flock to suffer? Meredith is acting as Viscountess and she has no right to do so. Laying down laws? Charging people with crimes they didn't commit? She threatened me with treason!"

Elthina had no answers. Weary and exhausted, she simply nodded. She revealed, "There was a reason why I took you to Meredith in the hopes she would allow you to walk the streets of Kirkwall without obstacles. I need your help."

I frowned a little but listened. I had wished to question her before, hadn't I? She told me, "The Divine is concerned about the situation here. She does not want to see the Free Marches become another Imperium. She has sent an agent to… assess the danger. Meet with her, please. Tell her drastic measures won't be required."

I asked, "Wouldn't this end more quickly if the Divine got involved? Surely, drastic measures is exactly what we need."

Her tone became acidic, "Has Kirkwall not suffered enough? Should it be declared anathema and an enemy of the Chantry? Imagine Hightown's streets, filled not just with Meredith's Templars but all the forces the Divine can command."

I scoffed a little, "Kirkwall has indeed suffered enough though not just at the hands of Qunari. Kirkwall has suffered at the hands of Meredith and her Templars."

She told me bluntly, "You wish Her Grace to declare a holy war on Kirkwall."

I glared at the banister to avoid being rude, "No, I wish for Her Grace to understand what is happening in Kirkwall."

Elthina gestured with her hands saying, "A holy war would not be wise, Champion."

But an idea did spark in my head. A holy war wouldn't be wise but what if The Divine could be made to understand what was truly happening in Kirkwall? If Kirkwall was doomed anyway whether by Meredith or The Divine's forces, why not take the risk? Wouldn't it be possible to unseat Meredith _and_ prevent The Divine's forces? If I could make Anders see reason over the proper balance of power between mage and Templar, surely I could do the same for The Divine and her agent?

I asked her in speculation, "Who is this agent?"

Elthina gestured again, "I was not told her real name, only to call her Sister Nightingale. She is said to be the Divine's left hand, sent to do work that might blacken the Divine's name."

"What argument would convince her?"

"The Divine has heard my protests already. I must trust your own powers of persuasion now."

I nodded, "I will meet with Sister Nightingale, Your Grace."

"The agent will be waiting in the Hanged Man at night. She wishes to remain… unseen and unknown."

Before I left, a thought came to my mind. Acting on my instincts, I said to Elthina, "There is something I must ask."

She inclined her head and I asked, "Even if you do not play an active role in this conflict between mage and Templar, you will not lie for either side, yes?"

Elthina was a little shocked that I would ask such as question. She nodded, "Of course. I would never lie."

I tilted my head and asked, "And should the situation arise where you are required to give testimony, you will tell nothing but the whole truth?"

There was a shrewd glint in her eye but she nodded anyway before asking me, "What is it that you plan?"

I answered simply, "It is best that you not know. Just remember what you have said today."

* * *

><p>Oh yes, Hawke is going to tip Meredith out of her seat. Read the next chapter to find out how!<p>

R&R! Love, Ann


	5. Five Hours to Prepare

**Chapter 5: Five Hours to Prepare**

Widge and I left the Chantry for the estate. I had purpose. I felt like myself. This was no Starkhaven. There was no Sebastian but I had reason in my life. That was enough. In my room, I composed a letter to everyone.

"To friends,

Things in Kirkwall are… there are no words to describe how bad the situation is. If we thought Starkhaven was bad when we first got there? This is ten times worse. As you may know by now, the Kirkwall Circle was burned down. That's basically half of the Gallows. It occurred through sympathetic Templars, blood mages and mercenaries. Of course, the public knows nothing about the Templars.

Many mages died in the fires. Some escaped with their lives. These are in Viscount's Keep under constant surveillance by the Templars. It was revolting to watch. One single movement and there were threats all around.

I went to see Elthina. She looked like she aged a hundred years. She took me to Viscount's Keep and once there, I was surrounded by six Templars with just as many swords at my throat. Meredith recognized me, of course. Long story short, she's having mages who don't turn themselves in round up and killed as apostates and/or blood mages. It's absolutely disgusting.

She knew I was useful, the bitch. She's got me off hunting three apostates who are apparently blood mages. If I don't, she will charge me with treason. I'm sick of her attitude. I'm sick of her playing Viscountess in Kirkwall. She's laying down laws like she's got the right. She doesn't. No one has the right to play law-maker, judge, jury and executioner. Have I told you that I find this absolutely unacceptable? Yes? Good.

Elthina also revealed that The Divine sent an agent to assess the situation in Kirkwall. If necessary, a holy war could start. If Kirkwall is doomed no matter what, I say take the risk and let The Divine know exactly what is happening.

Long story short, I'm going to tip Meredith out of her seat. I've got a few things up my sleeve already. Kirkwall is, for a lack of better word, starving. No trade. No food. Crime everywhere. The guards are basically acting as Templars. There are no guards out on the street. Blood is speckled everywhere. How she thinks she can run Kirkwall, I have no idea but if The Divine can find out, if The Divine can do something about it… well, it is a risk that I have to take.

So, I ask that Anders – send me Ser Alrik's documents. I need those. I'm also going to use Meredith's personal Tranquil assistant and Elthina as witnesses to particular facts. I'm also going to look for Ella – that girl that we found Alrik threatening?

I'm meeting the agent tonight. With any luck, I'll persuade her to see reason that there are more problems in Kirkwall than simply mage-related ones and moreover, that mage-related problems are very much Meredith and Templar related.

Just because a holy war wipes out an entire population doesn't mean such a problem ceases to exist. It will simply crop up elsewhere and that will become Kirkwall the Second. If The Divine doesn't want that, she WILL listen to me. Meredith will pay for what she's done to Kirkwall.

Wish me luck. I love you all.

Hales"

It took hours to write that letter. I needed to get my thoughts straight and even when I re-read it, I felt like my writing was all over the place. It conveyed a general point though. Meredith would not be allowed to continue to do what she has done the past months.

I left for the Hanged Man in search of Sister Nightingale with Widge as my constant companion. At the Hanged Man, all seemed normal. It appeared much the same as before. The only difference was that Isabela was not in the corner drinking and I knew Varric would not be upstairs.

There was no holy sister around. I went upstairs. I felt that it seemed unlikely for a holy sister to be at a tavern of all places but perhaps, that was why she picked the place. I went for Varric's old room.

Tevinter mages greeted me with, "So, even the Divine fears us now. She should. Kill the spy!"

Without three companions along my side, the fight was a hard one. Even still, Widge's tenacious attacks made my task a little easier. A rage demon rose from the floor and I was fast regretting ever leaving my family behind. It would have been easy to dispose had even Fenris been around.

I was saved by a red haired Orlesian. Smoke filled the room and I heard the sound of bodies dropping upon the floor. As the rogue put her daggers away, she stated, "The Resolutionists. I might have known they would be part of this."

I smiled in thanks, "Are you Sister Nightingale?"

Her answer was solemn, "I am. Or, you may call me Leliana. The Divine sent me to investigate the possibility of a rebellion here in Kirkwall. I have… some experience in unconventional situations."

My ears twitched when I recognized that name. Hadn't Elissa told me of her? I said, "The Leliana? The one who accompanied the Hero of Ferelden to slay the archdemon?"

She finally softened into a smile, "Ah… I see it will be harder to remain anonymous so near the Ferelden border. Yes, I knew her. Perhaps you have heard the songs I wrote of our time together. But… that was many years ago. I am working for The Divine now. In Orlais. I had not thought to return to this part of Thedas."

I told her, "Elissa and I were friends growing up. She told me much about you during my recent visit to Ferelden but never mind that, perhaps you should tell me who the Resolutionists are."

"An offshoot of a fraternity with the Circle of Magi. There have always been factions that support freedom from the Chantry and the abolition of the Circle. We have…tolerated them. But the Resolutionists have become violent. They are likely behind the unrest here," she replied.

I shrugged, "I hadn't expected the Divine's secret agent to be here in the Hanged Man."

"That is why this was effective. The Divine has long suspected that Kirkwall's problems were spurred by an outside group. This attack proves she is right."

I raised an eyebrow, "You set this whole thing up?"

"I let word slip that an agent of the Divine was coming to investigate the mage troubles. It is how they chose to react which condemns them."

I asked, "Will The Divine send soldiers?"

She tilted her head in thought, "Divine Justinia takes the situation here very seriously. She believes it is the worst threat to Thedas since the Qunari invaded. The whole world is watching Kirkwall. If it falls to magic, none of us are safe. Tell Elthina to leave. There is refuge for her at the Grand Cathedral in Orlais," Leliana bowed her head in sadness, "She will not be safe here."

She turned to leave. I stopped her by asking, "Just how seriously does The Divine take the situation?"

Leliana turned, a little outraged that I dare doubt The Divine's honour. She spoke with clipped tones, "As I have suggested, she believes this is the worst threat to The-"

I interrupted, cutting her from her sentence, "I heard what you said the first time. I ask that question not because I doubt The Divine's concern but because I am not sure she takes it seriously enough to consider other possibilities."

Leliana crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for my explanation. I told her, "The attack tonight proves that there is a band of mages who wish to cause upheaval in Kirkwall. I understand that. What if I told you though, that Kirkwall's problems do not stem from mages who seek freedom from the Chantry and the Circle?"

Doubt crossed her face and a single eyebrow lifted. I continued, "What if I told you that the mages here revolt because of the abuse of Templar authority? And what if Kirkwall's problems of aggression and crime do not simply stem from mages but from other citizens because Kirkwall is not afforded proper protection in all manners of civilian living? Does The Divine care only about mage problems or is she also concerned with the well-being of all life in Kirkwall?"

There was no response and so I added to annoy her, "If it is the latter then I'm afraid The Divine hasn't done all that is in her power to assess the situation."

Anger marred her features and she sniped, "You are a mage! Of course you will seek to blame the Templars."

I tilted my head, once more a nod that I used upon Meredith - the nod that at face value was acquiescent but was calculated to annoy. I stated demurely, "That is a justification I have heard too often. It is too easily used. So, what if I could prove that my claims are not unsubstantiated?" She watched me with narrowed eyes and so I asked her, "Tell me. What do you know of Starkhaven? What does The Divine think of Starkhaven?"

She answered in reflex, "It is a well ruled country since Prince Sebastian took over. The Divine is very impressed by the quick progress and revival of the city and is even more joyful over the reinstatement of both the Circle and the Templar Order. She feels that more nations should follow Starkhaven's example."

It was too perfect. It was too good an answer and she had landed right into my trap. I told her, "Well then before you is a woman who stood as Starkhaven's counsel. It was I, and a group of companions, that rebuilt the Circle and restored the Templar Order. You can not use such a line as 'you are a mage' as some excuse to brush my claims aside."

Leliana relented for a moment, "But I do not know that you are telling the truth."

My answer was stony and cool, "Then perhaps you should ask the Hero of Ferelden what it is the Champion of Kirkwall did when she last visited Ferelden. You are her friend, no?"

Her jaw fell open as I walked out of the room. At the door's threshold I added in manipulation, "When you have made your decision, you may come by Hawke Estate at any time. I'm sure you will do all that is in your power to protect The Divine's name, no?"

I left Leliana to her own devices.

* * *

><p>AN: Will Leliana help Hawke out? What will happen next? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	6. The Support of Six

**Chapter 6: The Support of Six**

I went back to the estate. That feeling of being me dissipated. Determination left me. I felt useless. Did I not have a life prior to Sebastian? Why was it that once my heart was opened to someone, it couldn't close without them? Lying in my bed, I didn't even bother to change. Tears swam in my eyes, heartache pained my whole body. I tried to fight it. I tried to clench my fists against the feeling but love was too much absorbed in my body. I could no longer live without it; love for my family, love for Sebastian and even love for Starkhaven. Though I fought for Kirkwall, she was a city who could never really gain my heart.

Starkhaven was a land of sweet, summer hills and open, wide fields. There were isolated creeks, hidden waterfalls… oh, and that wonderful, secret spot that he had taken me to. Frustrated by the nobles, Sebastian had refused assembly one morning. Taking me by the hand, we had walked further and deeper into the woods than I had ever been. There before shades of leaves was a secret grove, a glade that smelt of fresh, sweet jasmine and sounded of chirping birds and the sun… oh, the sun lit everything aglow. Wild flowers grew all along the grass, different gradients of purple highlighting the green that surrounded. So beautiful was the scene, so calming and peaceful that both of us had relaxed, we lay upon the greenery and wound up making love. The memory made me whimper as my heart clenched with fierce regret. I had been a different woman with Sebastian; the best part of me was still with him.

It was in that moment as I lay there that I realized that the blue diamond ring Sebastian gave me was still upon my finger. The stone was so blue… so clear and translucent… and it held within that spark, that fire that I found in his eyes. Pulling it off, I flexed my fingers. Something didn't feel right. After all the time I had it upon my finger, it was as though I couldn't function without its weight. I slipped it back on. That felt right. I tried to console myself, hadn't I promised to be his mind, soul and heart? If so, what did it matter that I wore his ring?

Closing my eyes, I curled into Widge's fur. He huffed in sleep and made no other moves. I did not sleep… not really but I know I drifted in and out. I felt like my mind was awake the entire time and though I did wake up in the morning, I still felt exhausted. I was reluctant to move but even still, I had a task given to me by Meredith. I could not brush it aside.

The elven alienage seemed to be the only part of Kirkwall that was unchanged. Though the people there were destitute and living in poverty, family life shone from each corner. Love was something the world would never exist without. No matter how cruel the world became, love was a universal constant. I went towards the dressmaker's stall where an elven girl was bent over, arranging the goods that were being sold.

When she noticed my shadow, she smiled and cheerfully welcomed me, "Oh! Greetings, Messere!" She was a young girl with a sweet voice. I felt some warmth stream through me… some. "My mistress is away, seeing to a customer but she will be back shortly. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I nodded, "I am here to speak with Huon's wife. Are you she?"

She stuttered for a moment, "I… I am his wife. When the Templars came, I told them the truth – I hadn't seen Huon in ten years. But after they left, he…he came to me. He wanted me to hide him." Her voice became wistful and she leaned against the stall's pillar for support. She said in a yearning tone, watching the sky with faraway eyes, "I used to dream of him returning but not like this. He's changed, and I don't know him anymore. I sent him away."

My heart broke a little for her. I knew what she meant. I could imagine Sebastian coming for me everyday but it would never happen. I asked her, "How has Huon changed?"

There was fear in her eyes, "He was obsessed with showing everyone true elven power. He frightened me." It concerned me to see her worry this much and so, I asked her, "Did he hurt you?"

Nyssa stared at the ground before murmuring, "Only broke my heart."

I sighed out in sympathy, "So you hadn't seen him since he left you?"

Nyssa was a woman past anger. She had loved, lost, feared and it seemed that hope was beyond her. I wondered if I would become her in ten years time. She said, "Huon didn't leave me. He was taken away. When the Templars found he was a mage, they chained him and dragged him from the alienage. In front of everyone. Now, I'm trapped in this… this sham. Married but with no husband and no future." Hearing her speak made me want to escape from this line of thought. I could not bear the thought of even thinking of myself like she.

"Did you see him use any magic? Perhaps blood magic?" I suggested to her in question.

She shook her head, "I don't know…I don't think he used magic on me."

"Do you know where Huon went after you sent him away?"

"I don't know. He…disappeared," she seemed to be saying that a lot. Was she hiding something or did she really not know? She continued as she stood away from the pillar, "But Huon said he would return to take me away from this forever. I don't know what he means, and I am afraid of him, Messere."

I frowned and offered, "Would it help if I returned to make sure you were safe?"

She smiled in thanks, "I… would be grateful. Huon said he would come to the alienage at nightfall. Are you… are you going to arrest him? I think he needs help. Maybe the Circle will be able to heal whatever troubles him…"she rambled before turning away.

I promised to return by nightfall and left for Viscount's Keep. If Huon was truly a blood mage, I would need backup. As I strolled through Lowtown, I couldn't help but feel as though someone was watching me, following me. I turned but no one was there. As I took a turn into Hightown, I felt it again. A curious prickle at my back like someone was boring holes into me with their eyes. Was it a rogue, following me? Isabela's stealth technique had come in very useful in fights and battles, was another rogue in my shadow?

I ran, all the way to Viscount's Keep. Once there, I had requested from Meredith the assistance of a Templar. I told her, "It will be a good way of ensuring I am not using blood magic as you would like to believe and a good way for me to come out of any fight in one piece."

It was the closest I had ever seen Meredith smile in amusement. Of course, she was more than happy to accept. She gave me Knight-Captain Cullen. He was a man of few words, at least around me. He took my directions without question and never argued. The only reaction I got from him was an inclination of the head and on the rare occasion, a tight smile.

When night fell, Cullen and I reached Nyssa too late. We watched as Huon embraced her, whispered in her ear and gut her cruelly with a butcher's knife. He whispered with a maniacal gleam in his eye as we approached, "She was so beautiful."

I felt sick with disgust and had yelled out, "She was your wife! She loved you!" He looked at me with glee, a crazy glee that made his smile looked twisted and warped. He said in a matter of fact tone, "Her sacrifice will lead me to my destiny."

Nyssa's blood swirled around him. Blood magic. I pointed to Huon and commanded, "Stop him," but already shades and demons surrounded him as allies. I found that Cullen was similar to Fenris in that he was more or less a straight up puncher, hacking through flesh and lacerating sinew and bone. I tried to stay as far away from the fight, bringing down fire from the sky or sending bolts of chain lightening. When Huon fell, blood was splattered all over the alienage. I sighed in defeat before telling Cullen, "You can return to Meredith and tell her about Huon. When tomorrow comes, I shall meet you at Darktown's entrance for Evelina. "

He had inclined his head and said, "Of course, Champion." I rather liked Cullen. Though he said little, he was a sincere man and I was certain that he would have a good future ahead of him. When he left, I felt it again. Curious little pinpricks hitting me at the spine. What was it that was following me? Who was it? What did they want? I called out, "I know you are there. Come out," but there was no answer. No patter of feet. Not even a sigh of breath. I stared in the sky. It was late into the night. On a spontaneous decision, I left for the De Launcet's household.

A butler greeted me. It wasn't much of a welcome, the man had his head angled so far up I could visibly see up his nostrils and for whatever reason, the man had his eyes mostly closed. What was he doing, sleeping on the job? He stepped aside when the Lady of the house sauntered out, moving her hips in a particularly awkward, Orlesian fashion. I nodded, "Good evening, Comtesse."

Her accent was just dripping with a fake, saccharine sweetness that I nearly shuddered at, "Oh! The Champion of Kirkwall! This is marvellous. You honor this household." She also couldn't pronounce the 'h' of any of her words. 'Honor' came out right only because the 'h' was actually silent. She gestured towards the door and we walked into the lounge room as she said, "I will call for refreshments." She cried out sharply towards the stairs, "Talia!" before turning to me in feigned remorse, "Oh, she is so slow, this girl. Come, let us chat while we wait."

If I had been with my friends, I was certain that I would have burst out laughing. Everything about her was just so _exaggerated_. Instead, I had no humorous words. I said, "Thank you for your hospitality, Comtesse. I need to speak to you about Emile."

More pretentious nonsense, "Hospitality? This? Oh, it is a disgrace. If you had just sent a message to say you were coming!" I took a seat in a comfy armchair and studied the woman. She was very pretty, delicate skin and bright, orange hair… just her voice… and her accent. The Comtesse continued, "I haven't seen Emile since he was taken to the Circle. He was just six. You can tell the Templars not to worry. I'm sure Emile will turn himself in soon. He's a good boy."

A deep, chesty voice called out, "Dulci!" It was her husband, the Comte. His accent was more tolerable, just. It was a mix of Kirkwall and Orlesian that had my ears twitching to work out what he was actually saying. "What have you done? You should have told the boy to throw himself at the mercy of the Templars!"

Her face was shocked, "Guillaume, darling…" and she tried to shake her head in warning.

"Don't 'darling' me, Dulci! He's been telling people he's our son, that you gave him gold!"

The situation would have been funny had say, Varric been around. Instead, I just felt irritated. She tried again, "Guillaume, darling… we have guests!"

His head turned towards me. I resisted the urge to say something like, "Don't mind me. Not like I'm after your son or anything," but I desisted and told them, "I am your son's best chance for mercy from the Templars."

She whined, almost close to tears, "Mercy? They wouldn't really hurt him, would they? Oh, you should've seen his face – it just broke my heart! I gave him some money. Not too much. He said he wanted to start a new life." I stood up and nearly shook my head. Some people were just so naïve.

The Comte scoffed, "New life? His new life is spent in Lowtown taverns, getting drunk on cheap wine. It's a wonder the Templars haven't found him yet", he turned his impassioned plea to me, "Help us, please, Champion. Emile is not a blood mage, just a foolish boy. Don't let the Templars kill him!"

"Blood mage? Oh, Guillaume, don't say that!" Dulci stood, almost near fainting from her husband's words. Thank the Maker I wasn't her husband.

He turned to me again, "Please, save my son's life."

"If there is a way to help Emile, I will find it," I promised.

The Comte nodded, "Thank you, Champion. An acquaintance spied Emile in the Hanged Man not long ago. He should still be there.

The Comtesse put her hands to her face, wavering upon the spot, "The Hanged Man? Oh, but that place is filthy!" Her husband comforted her as I walked away. Near the exit, I could hear Isabela in my head, "They are _so_ Orlesian," and I had to agree with phantom-Isabela.

Then I heard it. A soft patter of feet that didn't belong to the Comte or Comtesse… there was someone following me, watching my every move. I paid it no real heed. Whoever it was had ample opportunity to kill me. They hadn't so they must have been after something else. The Hanged Man called my name and despite its potential stench of vivid alcohol and vomit, I was hard pressed to ignore its call.

An Orlesian noble is hard to hide. They just dress with that particular flair that you won't find anywhere else. Emile couldn't be more than in his late twenties yet he had a bald spot on his head that rivalled any old man in the tavern. Even his father had a thicker mane of hair. I asked, "Emile de Launcet?"

He had his head upon his forearms and when I spoke, his head jerked up. His eyes were glazed over as he spoke, "Wow. Are you… are you a mage? Because you just magicked my breath away."

I grimaced and sneered to myself, "I need a bath after hearing that."

Emile didn't seem to understand the difference between derision and sincerity. He offered with enthusiasm, "I'll bathe you, if you know what I mean. With my tongue." The only thought I had in my mind was, thank Andraste Sebastian wasn't like this. He offered, "Round of drinks on me! I'm Emile, as you know. And you are…?"

The boy was insane. Didn't he know that Templars were after him? I said shortly, "Feeling very sorry for you. I'm also helping the Templars hunt a mage named Emile de Launcet and here you are."

The boy stood up quickly, swaggering a little, "Oh, buggery! I know what this is about. I…I'm not a blood mage, all right? I, uh, started that rumor because… because I thought it would make me sound dangerous and… suave."

Were Orlesians all stupid? And why was it that none of them ever lost their accents? And why was it that Emile didn't understand the risk he was putting himself into? I looked at him like he was insane and he responded by saying, "I've only told people in the tavern. And only women!" He seemed to think that made a difference. His tirade continued, "You don't understand. I've been in the Circle since I was six. Six! For twenty years I was locked up. Never had a real drink or… or cooked something for myself," he then dropped his tone, "never stood in the rain or kissed a girl."

I wondered for a moment if he was faking it or if he really was that desperate and pathetic. I concluded that it was the latter when he flailed helplessly, "I just wanted to live a little…," he sighed out in defeat, "if you're going to kill me, do it. I'd rather die drunk."

Out of morbid curiosity, I found myself asking, "Did you really escape the Circle so you could kiss a girl?"

He shrugged and stepped around in awkward movements, "Well, not just that. I've read so much about the other things you can do with girls." I almost laughed but then, I realized that I hadn't been too experienced with sex until a few months ago. I had no right to talk.

I told him in simple terms, "You can't run. The Templars will find you eventually." I had been tempted to help him escape and run but honestly, there were two problems. Firstly, Emile was too simple. He didn't understand the dangers of the world. Without the Circle, he didn't know how to function. It was best to leave him there. Secondly, I was going to create change for the Circle and for the Templar Order, Emile wouldn't have to suffer for long. He probably wouldn't know what suffering really was whilst in Viscount's Keep.

Emile leaned forward to whisper and all the while, I couldn't help feel like that shadow following me was getting closer. He said, "I…I'll make you a deal, all right? Give me one night. Just one night. One of the tavern girls, Nella, agreed to lie with me. I even paid for a room. Please, let me have this. You can take me back in chains after."

I looked away and nodded, "Go. Do… whatever." Leaning against the wall, I ordered honeyed mead, watching as Nella and Emile went upstairs together. I thought it'd be a long night of waiting and I almost prayed to the Maker for time to pass quicker. Apparently, I knew almost nothing about sex because he came down maybe fifteen minutes later looking thoroughly satisfied. I shrugged to myself. I sure wasn't going to argue with it.

It seemed that time away from my family made me easily frustrated and impatient. It wasn't a good change but I had no real choice. I had no strength to fight myself. Together, Emile and I went back to Viscount's Keep. I had Cullen watch over Emile and waited for Meredith. She was a woman who had little sleep, seeming to prefer guarding Kirkwall from mages than take some personal time for herself. I admired her dedication, to a degree.

When Meredith finally had time for me, the sun had already risen up into the sky. She said, "I'm led to believe by Cullen that Huon is dead. Unfortunate but necessary. He also mentioned that you will be searching for Evelina soon. Emile de Launcet, however, seemed to turn himself in with happiness and enthusiasm. I was surprised." She shrugged with astonishment before continuing, "I would have had him executed immediately but the boy's father made an impassioned appeal on his behalf. What say you, Champion? Do you believe Emile to be dangerous?"

The shadow behind me crept closer. I rubbed a hand to my neck and answered, "Emile was never a danger to anyone but himself. He simply got caught up in trying to experience the things he had never tried before. How the Templars missed him in the Hanged Man is beyond me."

She threatened, "Very well. Emile will keep his life, though I will watch him closely. Very closely."

I had no patience for her that day and said, "You will watch him closely despite the fact that there is no evidence of him using blood magic? This is the exact reason behind why some mages rebel. You cannot exert authority like this and not expect resistance. You go too far, Meredith."

Meredith raised a hand to her forehead and sighed in frustration, "I have heard this argument often. 'Maybe they are not corrupt.' 'Maybe they deserve leniency.' 'Maybe they can be saved.' There are maybes enough to fill half the graves in Kirkwall, I will not add more to the pile."

I finished off for her, "Unless they happen to be a mage and you cannot determine for sure whether they have used blood magic or not, right? And you will not add more to the pile unless it is caused by starvation and you cannot look after the citizens in their every day life as you should, correct?"

Meredith snarled at me, "I am all that Kirkwall has. I am keeping Kirkwall safe."

"Safe from what? Aside from your supposed campaign against blood mages, what do you keep Kirkwall safe from? Starvation? Crime? I think more graves are filled on a daily basis from lack of food and murder alone than from a handful of apostates. You are doing no one any favours by pretending there are no other problems in Kirkwall. This city needs a Viscount," I told her partially to annoy her, partially because it was true.

She slammed her armoured fist upon the table and shouted at me, spittle flying from her lips, "I am Kirkwall's Viscountess! Enough! I will argue with you no more!"

I thought in that moment that insanity had slowly taken over her mind. I turned away to the door but added before I left, "Then may the Maker's mercy save Kirkwall from a Viscountess such as you."

Back at the estate, two letters waited for me. Despite the growing exhaustion, I shook my head to clear my mind. I would read before attempting sleep. The first bore the seal of Ferelden. It was from Elissa.

"Hales,

I received word from Leliana that The Champion of Kirkwall had met with her and raised issues that she found unbelievable. She told me in a letter that you said some of the Kirkwall's problems rose from the Templar Order and that you had evidence of this.

If I know you correctly, I am certain that you are planning for something very major – much like what happened in Starkhaven. I wrote to let you know that I've told Leliana that I would trust my life in your hands and that if anyone has the best of intentions for the cities of Thedas, you would most definitely be one of them. If you say you have the evidence, I believe you.

I think she will have a hard time swallowing the truth, so be gentle. She did not believe you when you said you were a part of Starkhaven's counsel. I told her that I had signed trading treaties with you and Sebastian personally but did not mention your relationship.

On the topic of Starkhaven, however, what are you doing in Kirkwall? I've sent a number of letters to Starkhaven but received no reply. It was not until Leliana's message that I realized you left. I thought things were going well between you and Sebastian?

In any case, I wished for you to know that you have both my and Alistair's full support. If you have need of anything, be it advice, men or even my making a personal trip to Kirkwall, I will do whatever I can.

Look after yourself, dear friend.

Elissa"

Her note was heart-warming. I know I smiled. It felt good that someone believed in me and thought that I was doing the right thing. I wrote back.

"Elissa,

Thank you so much for your support. Right now, I find myself in need of friends and family. Your note couldn't have come at a better time. I left Starkhaven because the nobles in court would not accept me as Princess. Sebastian wouldn't let go of the issue. The nobles would have withdrawn support. Sebastian has implemented many new regimes that the nobles are not too fond of. I didn't want to cause problems fro Starkhaven. I left Sebastian a note saying that I was in Orlais. I left all of my friends and family there, too. Starkhaven is not yet secure. It would need their help and support.

I came back to Kirkwall and I am alone. As I said before, your note couldn't have come at a better time.

Yes, you are right. I am planning something. The Divine sent Leliana to assess the mage problem. I'm hoping that if The Divine can get involved, Meredith will be forced to step down. She's the one who is doing damage to Kirkwall. Everywhere – there is crime and starvation and we thought Starkhaven was bad!

Ferelden is still recovering from the blight after all these years. I could not ask you to send me the resources that your country needs but I appreciate the offer.

When I have updates, I will let you know.

Stay safe,

Hales"

The other letter was from Bethany – the seal of Starkhaven was torn off by my hasty fingers. I needed Ser Alrik's letter, it would have been my evidence! I was sorely disappointed. Inside were a few hastily scrawled out words.

"Hales,

We'll send Ser Alrik's documents soon.

Bethany"

I groaned in disbelief. Soon? I need it now, I thought. I prayed to the Maker, please make those documents appear on my desk! And it seemed the Maker was listening…

An answering knock came at the front door. I strolled downstairs with Widge at my heels just as Bodahn closed the door. What I saw made my jaw drop to the floor.

"Surprise!" shouted Bethany, Anders, Isabela and well, sort of Fenris. He muttered it.

I wasn't sure if I laughed or cried. Maybe it was both but all at once, love and family was back in my life. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't everyone. But as I rushed to the four of them, holding each in turn with tights embraces and light, feathered kisses, I just didn't care.

I had the support of six dear friends, all in the same day.

I was finally myself.

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><p>AN: I'm sorry it took so long to upload another chapter! I've had work. In any case, I hope the length makes up for it. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	7. Five Friends Discussing Templars & Agent

**Chapter 7: Five Friends Discussing Templars and Agents**

The next day involved nothing productive. Despite exhaustion, both mine and theirs, we curled up in the library, talking late into the night. I had only been away for a month but it seemed like there was so much to catch up on. Even though Bethany had sent letters often and she had, for the most part, kept me up to date, nothing was like hearing their voices retell even the same stories. They tried not to regale any stories about Sebastian though, and I truly did appreciate their efforts.

They told me things like fights between Aveline and Donnic, Merrill mistakenly thinking that sending pot-plants full of weeds was acceptable, Varric's awful jokes scandalizing the noble class or even random silly things between each other. I told them about Emile de Launcet and Isabela had commented, "This is what lack of sex does to a person! That's horrible!" whilst Anders had commented that, "The Ferelden Circle is much more fun. Everyone was kissing everyone."

Then the mood turned serious.

Anders and I shared a look and I confessed, "Anders hid the truth from all of you. He burned one of the letters that I had sent. I didn't know whether the mage problem was fine or not. I've been away for a month but it took a few days to get to Kirkwall and in the following three weeks, I hadn't stepped out of the estate." Everyone became quiet when they listened; they shifted and looked at each other or me with sympathetic eyes. I told them, "Anders wrote a letter threatening to drag me home if I didn't shape up. So, I went out and found out about that mess with the mages. I've only been out for maybe three days. And now, you're here."

After all this time, 'home' was still Starkhaven. The estate was not 'home' at all. Fenris had muttered with dissatisfaction, "You are too thin."

I shrugged, "I barely ate. I couldn't. Now that there's drama in Kirkwall, I've finally found things to do but when I'm home… there's nothing. I wasn't me anymore. I was this pathetic lump, sitting around home."

Bethany's head found my lap and I slowly stroked her hair as she sighed in comfort. She whispered, "We've missed you. Nothing seemed worth doing without you around."

I asked, "Speaking of all of you being here, how long can you stay?"

Isabela countered, "How long do you need us for? We've been given about three weeks off."

Still, no one mentioned his name and I asked, "What excuse did you give?"

Anders supplied, "We just asked for a few weeks off. Sebastian," it was the first time that he was mentioned and Fenris had glared so hard at Anders that I was surprised his eyes didn't pop out, "didn't really ask many questions. We caught him when he was distracted so he didn't have the opportunity."

Isabela continued, "When we got your letter, all of us sat down and discussed it. You needed us. You can't deal with all this on your own. The Templar Order will do fine without Fenris for a while. The Circle still has Merrill and the mages and Orsino. Only Aveline couldn't take time off because being a Guard-Captain is constant work. Varric could have come but he wanted to look after Merrill and we didn't want to arouse too much suspicion. Two couples going on a holiday seemed better."

I hesitated for a moment and then asked, "Is he-" and then broke off. Everyone looked at each other, awkward and tense. No one seemed brave enough to answer the question. In the end, Bethany had worded with care, "Hales… nothing seemed worth doing without you around. He's healthy, physically but he's lost without you."

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight but Bethany kept talking, each of her words was like knives into my heart, "There's a small gallery in the castle and there's a portrait of each of us. There's one of you and after every assembly, he's always there, staring up into your face. Some days, he doesn't talk and he always looks so heartbroken. And now that he's an eligible bachelor again, there are many girls that vie for his attention but he says that none of them are you and until you're with him, he'll never marry."

I whispered, "Does he know I'm in Kirkwall?"

Everyone shook their heads. Anders told me, "We've insisted you are in Orlais. He doesn't believe us. He told us that their accent would drive you insane and that the only thing you have in common with Orlesians is 'that bloody obsession with clothes'," his fingers up in the air doing air quotations, "He hired people to look for you in Kirkwall, Ferelden and Orlais. We had to find the letter for Kirkwall and destroy it."

I told them, "He can't know. Starkhaven won't be torn apart because of me. We've worked too hard. If he finds out-"

Anders interrupted, "Sebastian said that the moment he finds you, he'll commit kidnapping and tie you to his bed for the rest of your life," he lifted my left hand and looked at it but did not comment.

I tried to change my tone to talk about Meredith, "I should probably tell you what I'm planning, right?"

Fenris had said in a playfully snide tone, "Good idea. I think I've had children in the time I've been here."

Children. Fenris' comment connected a thought in my head. I had been in Kirkwall for a month yet… As the colour drained out of my face, I realized I had not yet endured my monthly flux. I thought about how foolish I had been. Unlike Isabela, I had not been drinking herbal remedies to prevent pregnancy. What if –

Bethany shook me with care, "Sister?"

I tried to smile to brush her off, "Nothing, sweetheart. Just caught a chill for a moment," I returned to think about other matters, "Right. Meredith. I told you about The Divine sending an agent to Kirkwall, right? Well, I met with her. She was convinced that Kirkwall's problems stemmed from an outside group called The Resolutionists. I told her that the Templars were part of the problem and that there are more crimes in Kirkwall than just mage-related ones. She wasn't particularly convinced but I threw in her face that I was part of Starkhaven's counsel and the Hero of Ferelden's friend. Elissa sent me a note that the agent, her name is Leliana by the way, wrote to her about me. I'm fairly certain that it is a simply a matter of time before Leliana gets back to me. I'm hoping that The Divine will listen to reason and understand that Kirkwall needs more than a Templar who goes nuts about blood mages."

Anders shook his head, "That doesn't get rid of Meredith. Even if there was a Viscount, Meredith would walk all over him the way she walked all over the last one."

I countered, "We're not just going to get a Viscount. We're going to tip Meredith out of her high horse. I've had a few ideas already, one of which includes Ser Alrik's letter." I turned stern eyes upon them, "Tell me you've brought it."

He smiled and nodded, producing the pieces of parchment from his pocket. I took them and put them on the table before telling them, "See, the catch is The Divine loves Starkhaven. She thinks that every city should follow Starkhaven's footsteps. I doubt she knows anything about the policies but what she is aware of is the fact that whatever is happening, it works. Leliana said as much. So, let's compare Kirkwall and Starkhaven. Starkhaven gives its mages both freedom and responsibility. Kirkwall abuses and restricts causing mages to rebel."

Fenris shook his head, his arms crossing over his chest, "That does nothing for our cause. Meredith rejected The Tranquil solution."

Isabela nudged him and sniped, "Let the girl talk!"

I smiled and said, "I'll get right down to the point then. With enough people, I'm hoping that we'll have the evidence to bring Meredith down. The first person is Elsa, Meredith's Tranquil assistant. She told me that Meredith likes to assume that all apostates use blood magic and that she likes to 'err on the side of caution'. So what, mages aren't people now? They don't deserve the same processes of law that normal people do?"

I gave a moment for things to process before telling them, "Part two. Elthina. She was present when Meredith told me that the Templars played a part in burning the Gallows. What was the public told? They were told that it was the work of blood mages. Not completely true. How can Kirkwall function when its citizens are kept in a state of fear?"

Anders beat me to the chase, "And part three, you want to look for Ella. You're hoping that Ella can tell The Divine about Alrik's behaviour and Tranquilising mages without permission from Meredith and The Divine and make Meredith seem incompetent because she never did anything about it."

Isabela had cooed, "Oh, that is clever."

Fenris nodded in agreement and Bethany added, "Not to mention, everyone is starving. Meredith can't be kept in charge if the entire city is crumbling."

I leaned back, "Exactly," and then sighed, "I just hope Ella is alright. If we can't find her in Viscount's Keep… well, that's bad news. If all goes well though, things might not even take three weeks. You can make it back to Starkhaven in time to minimise Sebastian's suspicion."

"Wait," said Isabela, "You're not coming with us?"

I shook my head, "Of course not."

She gave me an incredulous look, "You do realize that he'll find out where you are very soon. You're the Champion of Kirkwall, you can't fart without people knowing who wipes your ass! You can't do something as major as screw Meredith over without him finding out eventually. You can't implement the same policies as Starkhaven and expect him not to find out. You'd be Viscountess, for goodness sake!"

I hadn't actually thought of that. Though I knew Kirkwall needed a Viscount, it had never even crossed my mind that I should step up into that role. I must have had a blank look on my face because Anders commented, "I don't think she thought of that."

It took a moment but when I recovered, I said, "Well, I don't need to be Viscountess. I could just fight for what's right and leave before Sebastian gets here."

The four shot me looks of pity, I felt offended. I had cried out, "What?" The four of them exchanged looks before Isabela supplied, "Look. You're not doing Kirkwall any favours if you're going to leave the second you screw Meredith over. Someone will just take over who could be just like her. You'd need to stay to implement whatever is required to prevent this from happening again. You would have to be Viscountess for a while, at the very least. Then there's Sebastian. Are you really going to run from love for the rest of your life?"

I snorted in an unladylike fashion, "That's rich coming from you."

She shrugged, "Hey, I'm all for it. I thought I could do it and I did do that for a very long time. But you're not me. You are the marrying type. You are the 'world's greatest love' type. You're going to make yourself miserable."

I threw my arms up in the air, frustrated by what she was saying, "So what are you suggesting? Be Viscountess and go back to Starkhaven?"

Fenris told me, "An alliance between Starkhaven and Kirkwall would make both nations strong. Not to mention, the two are right next to each other. You could live in Starkhaven and rule Kirkwall. All the paperwork _could_ be sent to Starkhaven instead of the Viscount's Keep here. When you have children, one could rule Starkhaven and the other could rule Kirkwall."

"No!" I stood up, pacing in front of them like some caged animal, "No! I am not doing that!"

There were incredulous tones all around, "Why?"

I stared at them like they were insane. "How could I face him?" I had cried out, almost in tears, "I _ran_ from him. I made love to him and left him there. He was _sleeping_ when I left. How could I go back and pretend nothing happened? Maker!"

Anders had comforted, "We're not saying you pretend you never left. We're saying that its worth considering, that's all."

I just nodded to brush him off. He was insane. The nobles would never accept me as Princess. It was like they had just forgotten the whole point of my leaving! This wasn't about whether I was Viscountess or whether I could go back to Starkhaven. This was about the fact that the nobles didn't want a _mage_ as royalty!

It was night when the conversations began to stem. Bethany yawned. Isabela yawned. Then everyone seemed to be constantly yawning. I told them, "In the morning, we'll need to look for Ella. We'll go to Viscount's Keep. We need to talk to Cullen. And we need to find Evelina."

They were so tired, they didn't even care who Evelina was. I led everyone to rooms. Fenris and Isabela actually shared rooms, to my surprise. I would have thought both would "need space from one another". Bethany went into her old room and flopped into bed without ceremony. Anders and I shared a chuckle at the doorway.

Thinking everyone was asleep, Anders took my hand and led me to my own room. He whispered, "I want some time alone with you." I was hard pressed to refuse. Anders… was a man who I would forever have a soft spot for. He wasn't Sebastian and I was by no means in love with him but we had once shared a spark and that spark, a special flare of life and laughter, could never be washed away or forgotten. Though everyone in our group was family and Fenris was my best friend out of all of them, someone who would never doubt me or my judgments despite my mage status, Anders was the one I could never hide anything from.

I remembered my previous panic. I said, "There's something I need your help with."

"Does it have something to do with you turning the colour of bad milk before?"

I curled in bed with Widge at my feet. Anders lay beside me, throwing an arm over my waist. I asked him, embarrassed to the core, "Can you tell if I'm pregnant?" At his stunned look, I rambled on, "I just… I never took those herbs that Isabela does. I can't tell. And Sebastian and I… you know. And my monthly flux. It hasn't come. So… yes."

Anders had chuckled and told me, "Relax. I'll ask Justice to check for you."

Justice took over his body, Anders eyes became pools of bright, blue swirls as bright as the sky. An aura of cracking, blue lines appeared all around him and his hands rested upon my lower belly. Bubbles of dark purple appeared around my body and then it popped, so abrupt and sudden that I nearly jumped.

When Anders returned, he shook his head. I wasn't sure whether I was elated or disappointed. At my expression, Anders laid a gentle kiss on my cheek. He whispered, "You still wear his ring. You still love him. He still loves you. There is a life for you in Starkhaven. You have but to reach out and take it," after that, I know he meant to leave but he teetered at my door and asked, "Do you want me to stay?"

I had shot him a bittersweet smile, "What about Bethany?"

Bethany had been outside my door. The door creaked upon as she had replied with a sweet smile, "Bethany can stay, too."

I shot straight out of bed, trying to explain that nothing had happened between me and Anders but she shook her head and lay down with me, crooking her fingers to Anders as an invitation. He joined us, lying down on my other side. My sister, so sweet, so wonderful had stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, whispering, "Rest sister, we're here for you."

Sleep came easy for the first time in a month. The three of us cuddled in the bed and we stayed that way till Isabela and Fenris found us in the morning.

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><p>AN: Every disaster is never a disaster when family are around. I'm very happy for Hawke right now. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	8. Behind the Eight Ball

**Chapter 8: Behind the Eight Ball**

I woke up with my head in Anders' chest, my hands in Bethany's hair. During the night, Bethany had rolled between me and Anders and I had played mother, stroking her hair as I always seemed to do throughout the years. My eyes fluttered open watching as summer sunlight dappled and flickered into my room. Rough fingertips caressed my cheeks and I looked up, finding Anders' warm brown eyes watching me. Bethany shifted and I smiled down at her. Like a child, she burrowed into my warmth just as I curled into Anders. We stayed there, taking comfort in each other until Isabela and Fenris found us.

"Well, well," she had said, "what do we have here?"

Anders had hushed her, gesturing to us sisters in bed, "Let them sleep."

"I am awake," I had said before stretching out, "what's going on?"

She had given me a cheeky grin before saying, "I could ask you the same."

Rolling my eyes, I gently whispered to Bethany, "Wake up, beautiful girl. Time to get up." She had murmured, protested like a child before her eyes flickered open and muttered out, "What's going on?"

I remember laughing. It was so warm, that moment. So sweet. Everything was perfect until Fenris said, "Starkhaven is here."

Then the blood in my veins turned to ice. I shot out of bed and exclaimed loudly, "What?" whilst Anders' jaw hung open. He whispered, "Does Sebastian know?"

Fenris shook his head, "Unlikely. Whoever it was went straight to the Chantry to offer help." At his words, a memory struck from within. Hadn't Sebastian promised Elthina that he'd send assistance once Starkhaven was secure?

I told them, "Sebastian promised Elthina to help Kirkwall once Starkhaven was stable. If he's here, I have to go. Right now."

Anders had rushed forward to interrupt, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, sunshine. We don't even know who is here. Let's find out before you rush off to pack."

I cursed, foul enough for even Isabela to raise an eyebrow and said, "Fine. We go find out who the person in the Chantry is. If it isn't Sebastian, we find Evelina, the blood mage I'm supposed to be hunting. If Leliana comes back, we'll deal with Meredith. Otherwise, you leave for Starkhaven. I leave for Orlais, this time for real."

Bethany had asked me, "Why is it that the thought of Sebastian scares you even more than Meredith? I mean you wouldn't flee to another country for Meredith. You'd do that when it comes to Sebastian."

Irritated, I began changing, the men averting their eyes as I tossed clothes about, "I can't face Sebastian. If he's here, I won't be able to fight him. It'd take one look and I'd be in his arms in an instant. Then what will happen to Starkhaven? Sebastian won't accept no to marriage. Being his lover won't be good enough."

Yes, I knew how weak willed I was. Being without Sebastian had been like living without air but still managing to survive. He had a way of making me feel wanted, loved, beautiful beyond anything in the whole world and most of all, he had a way of making me feel like I belonged to him. Nothing felt right until his presence was in my life. Yes, I remember that heartbreak. As much as having Isabela, Fenris, Anders and Bethany had been wonderful, a fresh breath of oxygen that I had sorely needed, watching them in love was utterly painful. Seeing them in my bedroom, it was like I did not belong. I did not belong to any room until Sebastian was there, looking at me, touching me or even laughing _at_ me whilst making a joke at my expense. If Sebastian was in Kirkwall… If he even looked at me… Maker, I would have begged on bended knee for him to take me back.

Each of them had exchanged looks, sighed in frustration before leaving for their own rooms to get ready for the day. After breakfast, in which everyone had forced me to eat three helpings of everything, we left for the Chantry.

A small complement of guards with the Starkhaven seal emblazoned upon their armour stood near the double doors of the Chantry but surprisingly, that was all that were stationed near that area. When we reached that area, I had pulled the hood of my robe over my head, hiding my face. The guards never questioned my identity but had bowed to my friends, addressing Anders and Bethany as "Enchanters" and addressed Fenris, "Knight-Commander". We were recognized and had my hood not been up, I was certain Sebastian would have known within two days that The Champion of Kirkwall was indeed in Kirkwall.

Inside, all was quiet. A few sisters, a few mothers, the Grand Cleric stood upon the podium as always. No Sebastian. With a sigh of relief, I reached Elthina and whispered, "It is Hales."

She had actually rolled her eyes at me before telling me, "Sebastian is not here."

Still, I realized that I would have only a few minutes before someone recognized me. I could not have that. Then I felt it again, that shadow that had been following me before. I whipped around but once again, no one was there. I had thought it left. It never followed me into the estate and I had not given it much thought. Elthina had inquired, "Is something the matter?"

I shook my head and told her in hushed tones, "I met with the agent. From what a mutual friend tells me, I think I have succeeded in piquing her interest that the problems in Kirkwall had not entirely mage-related. I wait for her to speak with me."

An Orlesian accent fluttered in the air, "You need not wait any longer, Champion." Leliana. She revealed herself from behind the stairs and strolled up to me. I hushed, "Do not call me that!"

Confusion crossed her features and she had asked, "You do not wish to be called that? I thought that was your title."

I tipped my hood back and looked around. No one was about. I spoke in normal tones, "I don't wish to be found here. In any case, have you been following me the last few days?"

She nodded, "I didn't believe your words so I sought to follow you and see what woman could speak with such arrogance, even against The Divine herself."

I shook my head, "I meant no disrespect. It was but a tactic to ensure your curiosity was aroused."

Leliana smiled, a bright and cheerful smile that I could only describe as reminiscent to a spring day. She bounced and told me, "I spent much a time investigating your claims. It seems you were correct. Though there were incidents of blood magic, such as Huon, those were not the only problems in the city. I also spoke slander against you, claiming that you were biased against the Templar Order. I was wrong and for that, I am sorry."

I waved my hand, brushing her apologies aside, "It is no matter. Let us not ponder upon words in the past. Let us work together to give Kirkwall a brighter future."

Leliana and I shook hands, and she told me, "I have requested that The Divine come here to Kirkwall. Though an arduous journey, I believe that it is she who can put the matters to rest. She will be here in a week or two."

Anders had tried to hiss something in warning but I had ignored him, too focused upon Meredith. I asked Leliana, "So Kirkwall will be given new policies and Meredith will not be allowed to act as she has?"

She had shrugged, "I am not certain what The Divine believes is the right course of action but it is undoubtable that she will hear your arguments. I suggest you finish up your business and focus upon the things you need to say. I am willing to take your words at face value because of The Hero of Ferelden but The Divine will need solid evidence. You must build your argument and I can not help you with that."

Bethany tugged on my sleeve, trying to get my attention but I was almost done. I only had one more question to ask, "You cannot help me build evidence. I understand. Can I ask you to speak on what you have seen whilst following me?"

She had tilted her head in thought for a moment but eventually, she nodded saying that, "I am sure The Divine will allow me to speak. I am her left hand after all. Still, it is you that must build your arguments. I will stay in the Chantry, tending to the lost souls who wander its halls. You will find me here should you need me."

I nodded, eager and enthusiastic. We had the chance to see The Divine. She would hear my arguments and what I had to say! I felt more assured than I had in days.

It froze in my gut. Heavy brogue caught my ear.

"Hales?"

Isabela cursed.

"Shit."

* * *

><p>AN: Mini cliffhanger! Who is he? Find out soon. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	9. A Warning of Nine Days

**Chapter 9: A Warning of Nine Days**

"Hales?" the brogue rang out again, clear and thick in the Chantry halls. I felt the air rush out of me. It was not _him_. The voice was older, hoarse and much like…

"Nicholas," I said as I turned around, not really needing to see his face to recognize his voice. He stared at me in shock, not expecting to see me in the Kirkwall Chantry. I heard my heartbeat. Once. Twice. He looked at me, his eyes razing from my head to toe and then his eyes warmed at the sight of me. When he recovered from the shock, his smile became bittersweet and he opened his arms. I all but ran into them, holding him tightly.

Nicholas and I shared a wonderful relationship. He was the grandfather that I simply never got to meet. Whilst in Starkhaven, we had spent many days together, walking through the Chantry gardens with him telling me stories of his younger days, teaching me all he could about the world he knew. As Sebastian had once said, Nicholas was a man of the world and a true Prince of Starkhaven. Nicholas also adored my mind, he told me once that he couldn't have found a better granddaughter-in-law for Sebastian as I was clever enough to keep him on his toes but gentle enough such that he would never doubt my affections.

As he released me, he commented with a gentle, paternal care, "You are not looking so well, lass."

I shrugged, helpless to my emotions that welled up in the moment. My throat constricted and I swallowed the lump as I said, "I left my heart in Starkhaven."

With big, burly hands, he patted my head once and kept his hand there for a moment, telling me, "I don't know whether to thank you or to scold you. On behalf of Starkhaven, I should thank you for you have done so much for her. But Sebastian… when you left, it was as though you took every drop of sunlight from his life. He threw himself into work and into finding you." He eyed my friends with a speculative eye before saying, "I suppose it makes sense as to why he never received a letter from the man who was supposed to be searching in Kirkwall for you."

I nodded, "That letter was destroyed. I asked my friends to lie for me. I thought with their help, Sebastian would-"

He had sighed and cut through my words, "You thought he'd forget. Oh, child. He loves you. And what's more, he knew you. He never believed you when you said you were in Orlais. His first instincts were to come to Kirkwall," his tone became a little irritated as he looked at my friends again, "He was persuaded to stay in Starkhaven, however."

I put my hand up in supplication, "Please," I begged him, "Don't be angry at them. They did as I asked. I never really gave them a choice."

His large hands cradled my face the way a parent would when scolding a child, "What were you thinking, lass? You've made yourself and him miserable for the last month! And for what?"

I whispered, "For Starkhaven. Sebastian would never take no for an answer. He would never be satisfied to keep me as a lover only. The nobles would never support a mage upon the throne. Everything we worked for would have been a waste. I couldn't do that."

Nicholas had sighed with exasperated breath, frustrated and irritated but he understood. I pleaded, "Don't tell him I'm here. He'd come for me and I would never resist. I couldn't."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and asked, "How long will you hide from him, child?"

I ignored his question and rushed on, "You won't need to lie for me long! I just need to finish some last minute things. I'll-"

He interrupted me, "You'll what, Hales? Leave Kirkwall? Actually go to Orlais? I heard enough of your conversation to piece together what you're planning. You would give Kirkwall a future but not sit upon its Viscountess seat as deserved? Is this how you will spend your life, lass? Helping nations but never taking what you deserve?"

I confessed, "This was never about Kirkwall. I came back and managed to remain oblivious to what happened around me for three whole weeks. When I was in Starkhaven, she captured my heart. Kirkwall… it will never be home."

With a certain abruptness, Nicholas commented, "Yet you are still here. How long will it take for your business to conclude?"

Leliana answered, "The Divine will be here in a week. Surely, a day or two of meetings will be enough to put matters to rest, no?"

Nicholas' stern eyes cast over me, "You have business to do. I will not cause problems. You need to be focused, I understand that. You have nine days. Once those nine days are over, I'm telling Sebastian where you are. That gives you three days for you to decide what you are going to do."

I actually jumped up and down. I had exclaimed, "You can't tell him! I can't! I can't face him! Nicholas, please!"

He had shaken me a little, "What did you really think, Hales? That you could be Viscountess in Kirkwall and Sebastian would just never notice?"

Anders supplied, "She actually never thought about it until last night. She didn't consider the whole Viscountess thing until we told her last night that she could rule Kirkwall in Starkhaven considering the two cities are right next to each other."

Nicholas had nodded pensively, "And by the time you are Viscountess, the nobles will have no problems with you being a mage and a Princess. Everything would work out."

I cried, "No! It wouldn't work out! I just –"

He put a hand up to stem my protests and asked, "What is this actually about? Do you not want to be with him anymore?"

"Of course I do! What are you, crazy?" It was rude but I had blurted it out by accident.

"So, we've offered you a solution. You can be with him. What's the problem?"

I really didn't know what the problem was. I stared at him, blank in the face. I began, "This is about Starkhaven's nobles-"

Fenris interrupted and explained as though I were a child, "Valentha, we've just told you that won't be a problem. You left because of the Starkhaven nobles. The question now is why won't you go back?"

The question lodged itself into my stomach. I didn't know the answer at all. I had left because I couldn't be Princess and Sebastian refused to take anything less. Now that the problem could be eliminated, I could return. So, why didn't I want to? The overwhelming guilt was my answer.

I couldn't face Sebastian. I couldn't look him in the eye. I had left him whilst he was asleep and the remorse and shame that I could brush aside when he wasn't around would certainly overwhelm me if he was in front of me. And the question that really hung in the air wasn't why I didn't go back. The question was really a matter of whether he would even deign to look at me after I hurt him so badly. If he didn't want me… the thought made my heart constrict and I knew that without a doubt, if he could ever look me in the eye and speak of his hatred for me, that would surely end my life.

Nicholas seemed to sense my thoughts for he looked at me with sympathetic eyes before warning me, "Nine days."

I wasn't sure whether to thank him or curse him. He was giving me time to sort my business in Kirkwall and for that, I was grateful… but Sebastian… Would I really leave? I tried to brush the questions away, preferring to stay focused to my task at hand. I clenched and then unclenched my fists several times before suggesting, "Fenris, could you go to Viscount's Keep and find out if Ella survived the fires. We'll need her if The Divine is coming. The rest of you, on me. We're going into Darktown to find Evelina."

As we left, three pairs of eyes watched our group. Leliana was confused. Nicholas was sympathetic. Elthina was worried. Fenris promised, "I will meet you at the estate later."

Down in Darktown, there were more people than I expected. Things had truly taken a turn for the worse. Refugees and the impoverished squatted in corners, squabbling over square inches of territory at a time. I found Evelina's home, a crumbling shack made from pieces of straw that threatened to collapse if the wind so much as blew too hard.

I asked a pair of boys out the front "Is this Evelina's home?"

There were two. An older boy with blonde hair and the beginnings of facial fuzz whilst the younger boy could be no more than ten, a mop of red hair that rivalled even Aveline's hiding behind the other. Their clothes were ragged, ripped, torn at the seams and each had a dirty face, soot and dirt smudged all over.

The older boy, no more than about fifteen, had answered, "We got nothing here you'd want. Get back to Hightown and leave us alone!"

I had frowned, "I thought Evelina is a girl's name. You are Evelina?"

He shook his head, "No, I'm Walter. Evelina is our friend, she's like a mother to us. Evelina found us when the darkspawn came, when our parents died. She made sure we got to Kirkwall safely." The younger boy peeked from behind him and had called out in desolate tone, "I miss her."

Walter continued to explain, "But when she went to join the Circle here, they called her apostate for leaving the tower in Ferelden. They locked her up."

As I questioned them, it became clear that Evelina had saved many children from the blight and together, they had travelled to Kirkwall. Although Evelina would have preferred to stay with the children, she realized that without help, none of them would survive. She sacrificed herself to the Circle in the hopes that the children would have had a better life but when Evelina tried to visit the children, the Templars had followed her.

The younger boy told me, "The Templars made Evelina angry. They made her change…It wasn't her fault! When it was over, she was ashamed. She ran into the tunnels and hid."

Walter hushed him, "Shut up, Cricket! Don't tell them that!" I asked the child, "She's in the sewers?"

Walter had explained, "You can't go there! She'll know we told you and she'll get angry!"

'Cricket' ran off, exclaiming that he didn't like Evelina when she was angry and it was best that they hide.

"The sewers," I had said with disgust, "Why do people think it's a good idea to hide in the sewers?"

Isabela had mocked me with a cheerful tone, "To keep people like you from going in and finding them!"

Stagnant water, filth and stench burned my nose. My stomach rolled in protest and I spat, "This is disgusting." No one answered. A moment into the tunnels and we were already ambushed. It was the typical sign of blood magic – shades and rage demons. Those made me forget the stench very quickly. With three mages who were very capable in the castings of elemental magic, our enemies fell with ease. I barely worked up a sweat. We ran through the sewer maze until we bumped in Walter and Cricket. I asked in an incredulous tone, "What are you doing here?"

Walter turned and stuttered, "I…I thought if we warned her about you, she wouldn't be angry. But then she…"

"Walter…" came a young lady's voice. There was something about mages who had been tainted by evil, their voice became smooth, utterly smooth but maniacal, as though chaos made perfect sense. Goosebumps rose upon my skin.

Walter yelled, "She's coming! Run!" They turned and stopped short. Evelina, a young girl no more than a year or two older than me, stood with her arms wide open. Her face was warm, as though happy to see her children but her eyes… her eyes betrayed her. They were icy and cold, fanatical with the wild glint in her eye.

"There you are. Don't run from me, Walter. You know those are the rules," She turned to us, "These are my children. You and your kind abandoned them! You're Fereldan, like us, but you feast on sweetmeats whilst your people starve in the Undercity." As she spoke, her body transformed. Each part of her flesh twisted and darkened with purple taints of dark magic. We watched as she defiled herself, "I spit on you, traitor, and on the pathetic Templars who sent you," Fully possessed as a demon, she stretched her arms up as she towered above us, "Kirkwall should be mine! Then my children will have a whole city to play in."

I felt pity, sorrow as I fought her. She had been pushed into desperate measures in the face of her inability to provide for her family. This was what happened to Kirkwall. Everyone was being pushed, further into insanity. They were pushed into doing all the wrong things just to survive. If mages had the ability, why wouldn't they use blood magic if they are to be doomed anyway?

As I struck her down, I promised her quietly, "Your children will be saved, one way or another." I hoped that it would give her comfort in death.

Walter seemed beside himself, both in shock and grief, "I don't understand. Evelina loved us. She saved us. Why would she try to hurt us now?"

I consoled, "She wasn't herself. You need to know that Evelina was a woman who loved you very much, who preferred to sacrifice herself to keep you safe. She pushed herself into methods she couldn't control and it overwhelmed her."

His voice broke as he yelled, "You didn't have to kill her. There must have been another way. I just don't know what we'll do."

I gave them some coin, it was the only right thing to do, "Take this, and use it wisely."

He had nodded, "Thank you, Messere. I should go buy some food for the others. They've been hungry for a long time."

The idea came to mind. Maybe The Divine should see exactly how it was that Kirkwall's citizens lived. I asked him, "I will come and see you soon. I'd like for you to speak about your experiences in Kirkwall for me. Is that possible?"

Walter didn't ask questions. He was probably too overwhelmed by the coin I had given him and had nodded without thought. We went back to Viscount's Keep and to my surprise, Fenris was still there. Seeing that he was speaking in fairly amicable tones with some of the Templars of, one of which was Cullen, I left to find Meredith.

She was pacing in her office and I announced, "Evelina is dead." Meredith turned to face me and nodded. I was certain there was something wrong about her. Not blood magic but something. There was something about her that screamed hyperactivity but she looked haggard and a little worse for wear. For the first time, I felt sympathy for the woman. I asked, "Are you alright?" just as my eyes strayed upon a telltale blue pool of liquid staining her marble floor.

Lyrium.

I stared at her in shock. Realizing what I saw, she flew into a rage. Her eyes turned red at the edges of her irises and she had screamed, "Get out! Get OUT!" I hadn't moved fast enough for her liking. So, she shoved me out the door, physically backhanding my face so I would get the message. I crashed into Anders, sending us into a heap out in the corridor. Forgetting my face, I pulled Anders up to his feet. "Maker! Are you alright, Anders? You took the brunt of the blow!"

He shook his head and rubbed his back before telling me, "I'm fine. Your face doesn't look so good though."

Already, my face began to swell. Bethany had covered her mouth as she mumbled, "Your face! It's turning purple and grey! That's not natural."

I knew what it was. Lyrium. I barked to Anders, "Water. Now." Lines of water spilled from his staff, splashing my face with moistures. I rubbed the cheek clean of the powder. Isabela opened her mouth but I shot her a dark look, "Not here."

Fenris was still talking to the Templars and as we neared, the Templars all stared at us in suspicion, shutting up in an instant. Fenris said with smug satisfaction, "They are with me. You have nothing to fear," his eyes grazed over my face and his fists clenched, "What happened to you?" he growled as his lips curled in distaste.

"Not here," I replied.

With a nod, he rose and said to the Templars, "Thank you for the information. I will use it wisely, of course."

The shock of being slapped had faded. Fury had taken its place. How dare she raise a hand to me? I stalked all the way back to the estate, my companions exchanging glances every so often. Inside, I ushered everyone into the library. Placing my staff against the door, I said, "Lyrium. That's what was burning my face to grey. Her armour was covered by a dusting of lyrium powder. When she backhanded me, that powder burned my face. The thing is, if that lyrium can burn me, it's not the normal lyrium potions you find in the market – it's the raw stuff."

Fenris nodded in agreement, "Some of the Templars are also not as loyal to her as you may believe. Cullen and the others suspect she is addicted to lyrium. She issued crates of lyrium, under the pretence that it was to be shared with the other Templars but all of it is gone."

Anders supplied, "I saw a pool of lyrium potion on the floor. She's definitely addicted to the stuff."

Isabela and Bethany made sounds of understanding. I said, "She knows we know. That's why she got so angry towards the end. We'll have to move quickly. If we want to prove to The Divine that Meredith is crazy, we'll need lyrium issuing statements and proof that none of the Templars have received any lyrium from her."

"Done," said Fenris as he reached into his armour to show me the latest lyrium statement. I asked, "Where did you get this?"

He shrugged, "Cullen had it. He showed me and when he was distracted by other questions, he forgot. I pocketed it."

Isabela laughed, "And where did you learn such skills?"

Fenris had cradled her face for a moment, kissed her deeply and whispered, "I learn from the best."

My heart melted for them. It also ached. Sebastian and I had once jumped out of a window together. I had clutched to him for dear life and in the months afterwards, he had teased me, telling me that I had whimpered in fear. Of course I had but I never admitted it, often teasing me back for his cliché line of 'fall for me'.

"And Ella?" I asked. Fenris nodded, "She is safe and in Viscount's Keep. I did not speak with her."

Things were coming together. I told them, "We don't have long. We've got Ella who will testify that Ser Alrik Tranquilised mages without authority and no one investigated. We've got Elthina who will testify that Meredith was keeping Templar involvement a secret. We've got Elsa who will testify that Meredith likes to err on the side of caution. We've got Leliana who will testify the things she has seen. Leliana will play a big role. She's seen Meredith lose control. We've got Walter and Cricket. They'll talk about Evelina and the life she led prior to becoming a blood mage. And now, we might even have Cullen and some of the Templars."

Bethany doubted me, "I think you're being a little naïve. They don't have to testify."

I countered, "What makes you think I'm giving them a choice? They will be found and brought forth to The Divine. They won't lie to _her_."

Isabela commented, "And we've got evidence that she isn't sharing that lyrium as she's supposed to be. She's as good as gone."

It wasn't good enough, I thought. All of this simply proved that Meredith wasn't doing the city any good. We needed to be more prepared than that. I told them, "It's not enough. Kirkwall needs a Viscount. We need to prepare all the policies for The Divine's inspection and let her know that all of these are implemented in Starkhaven. I don't know all of them."

They had scoffed, "You created most of them!"

I shrugged, "I knew about the Templar Order plans and the Circle of Magi ones. The rest of my plans were preliminary. Tax is one huge area I have no idea about."

"Nicholas would know," said Anders, "Sebastian spent a lot of time with him to improve the originals. Not to mention, Ferelden shipped in too much for Starkhaven. They've had to reduce trade. If Kirkwall trades with Ferelden, everyone will get equal share. No one has excess. And if Kirkwall traded with Starkhaven…" he lingered upon the word and everyone turned to me.

"Stop. We have things to do, policies to create for Kirkwall," I tried to brush them off. Fenris had physically grabbed me, cornered me into the wall and asked, "So are you going home?"

They looked at me in hope. I was going to lie. I was going to smile brightly and say yes, then plan a way to escape but I had no heart. I couldn't break the people I loved. I shook my head, "I'll lay out the plans for The Divine. She can implement the policies and appoint a Viscount. I only have nine days. Twelve, at the most. I will leave before Sebastian arrives."

In retrospect, that was probably the mistake I made, telling them I would leave. They had come to a general consensus that willing or not, I would be returning to Starkhaven. From that moment on, they never left me. Not even for a second. They followed me around, they took turns at watching me – like shifts, Anders then Bethany then Fenris then Isabela at varying times of the day. It was a little insulting. If I was leaving, I should have lied.

We created plans. I had not wanted the relevant witnesses to know of their testifying. I did not want to alert the suspicions of Meredith and the Templars and neither did I want to cause last minute panic that meant witnesses leaving. So each day, someone would patrol the city, looking for the witnesses to ensure their safety.

I wrote to Elissa for help.

"Elissa,

Anders tells me that Ferelden's been shipping excess goods to Starkhaven. Do you think you could start trading with Kirkwall on the condition that Meredith steps down?

Hales"

She wrote back a few days later with a gigantic package attached. Inside were the exact same treaties as the ones Starkhaven had with Ferelden but Kirkwall replaced the Starkhaven name. It was already signed but one condition upon the back was that the contract was valid only where Hales Hawke, which was me, signed it willingly.

Aside from that, all of us spent much of our time in the Chantry from day to day, discussing and planning with Nicholas. He told us, without reluctance, everything he knew about the policies that were running in Starkhaven. We spent days and nights, writing and rewriting the policies in Starkhaven. We rarely got sleep, there was too little time. What we had done in months whilst in Starkhaven, we had to have done in mere days. We got lucky. The Divine had somehow been delayed. We were suddenly given two extra days to finish our plans. Even so, we finished with only a few hours to spare before The Divine's arrival.

For once, I had been given time alone. I stood in the Chantry gardens, staring at the horizon, watching as the pinks and blues slowly melted together. Leliana had found me there and for a while, she kept me company, watching the skies as I was. Then she said, "I admire you very much, Lady Hawke."

My eyes turned from the sky and to her. She was still watching the colours. She told me, "You have such conviction, such determination. I do not see it very often. Yet, you hold no expectation. You do not wish for glory or jewels. I admire that about you."

Leliana reached for me and guided me towards the marble seats. "Nicholas told me what you did for Starkhaven," she continued, "it took great courage to leave someone you loved for the sake of a nation. Women born of royalty have difficulty doing that, yet you did it without hesitation. Sebastian has chosen wisely."

My voice came out a little hoarse, I was both tired and emotional, "I wouldn't say that."

"He also tells me that you intend to leave Kirkwall once you have succeeded in your plans. I think you should be Viscountess. I think you should go back to Starkhaven and rule from there. It is not so difficult."

"Sister," I began with a sigh, "you are only one of many who share that view."

"I must ask," and she turned to me, I nodded my permission for her to speak freely, "after all this time, do you still run for the right reasons?"

I shook my head, "If I run, I can be left with the belief that he loves me. If I don't run, I might see him. I would beg him to take me back but what if he doesn't? I am afraid of his rejection," I sighed again, "It makes me a hypocrite considering how I left him but… I don't have that strength to handle anything more."

I had become so tired. There was nothing in Kirkwall to truly hold me. And my friends… my family… they belonged in Starkhaven, a city that had no place for me. I had no support. I would have had no support. If Sebastian left me, didn't love me, their place was still in Starkhaven. I would rather die than be left with such a shattering truth.

"Do you believe in the Maker?" she asked.

I answered her as I once answered Elthina, "I believe there is someone above us who judges us and watches over us, yes."

Leliana reached over and clasped my hands in hers. She whispered, "Then believe that the Maker and his bridge will not forsake you in your time of need after everything you have done for His children and world."

I had been overwhelmed by her kindness. It didn't matter whether her words were true or not. It didn't matter whether I was to run or not. All that mattered was that this woman had faith in me, the faith that I didn't have in myself.

* * *

><p>AN: I know all of you were hoping that the brogue belonged to Sebastian. I'm sorry for disappointing you. On the other hand, I promise Sebastian will be making an appearance very very soon.

Love, Ann


	10. The Dramatic Day Ten

**Chapter 10: The Dramatic Day Ten**

The dramatic day – it was the teetering point in Kirkwall's history, I'm sure. It was also one of those days that you will never forget because by the end of it, if you can come out unscathed, you suddenly have the whole world's worth of confidence about your abilities. And as a woman in a man's world, that really is something.

The day began a little after my conversation with Leliana. I went to Nicholas and with a demanding tone, I said, "I know you warned me about the nine days you were going to give however, The Divine is not yet here and until we are done with her, you will _not_ be notifying Sebastian of my presence in Kirkwall."

Nicholas had given me a blank-eyed look and told me with an innocent face, "But I sent the letter yesterday!" He feigned remorse and said, "I am old and forgetful at times. I just remembered that I was to notify him on the ninth day."

I saw through his act straight away but I could never be angry with Nicholas. A little flustered, I replied, "I see through your 'old man' act. I'm onto you. You thought you'd give him a head start in the midst of my delay!"

He tsked me but when I glared a little, he relented, "Oh, alright. I sent him the letter. I wanted him to come as soon as possible." When I glared a little harder, he grumbled, "You've still got time. It takes two days to ride to Starkhaven and two days to ride back. That's four days. So, stop looking at me like that."

Watching him fidget like a schoolboy, I relented and hugged him. Even still, I mumbled into his shoulder, "You're not forgiven. And since you wrote to him yesterday, I only have about three days."

"I will be forgiven the second the two of you are reunited."

I didn't argue with that. I still didn't know what I was planning on doing. I loved Sebastian but what if, he didn't love me? What if… I tried to shake my thoughts away. Focus on The Divine, I said to myself.

The Maker was listening to my thoughts that day. I had very little time to be panicked about Sebastian. Half-way through breakfast with Nicholas, Leliana had rushed into the Chantry and announced The Divine's arrival onto Kirkwall's shores. Yes, that sobered me up instantly. Everyone was swift, racing from one room to another, gathering our multiple parchments worth of policies, other documents and the partially signed treaties between Kirkwall and Ferelden. Then we paced. Even Elthina paced.

Divine Justinia V was not what I expected. I had expected a stereotype, a wizened and old lady who believed in the Maker without doubt and would preach constantly or speak only in verse. Instead, she seemed calm, jovial and not so old. She couldn't be any older than in her mid-fifties. What surprised me most though was the amount of men she had brought with her. It was as though she had already contemplated holy war and if she did not like what she heard, she would declare war immediately. My breath caught in my throat. I had whispered to Elthina as the Divine's Templars strolled in, "Is this war?"

She shook her head, "She is The Divine. She needs protection." My breath released as I watched on incredulously.

As expected, she was Orlesian. Yet her accent was not so terrible. There was something gentle about her. Something that would see reason. I felt better when she stepped to the podium where we stood.

Elthina had bowed and so, the rest of us followed suit. It seemed that Divine Justinia was unused to such respects and she had asked, her voice gentle but a little croaky, "Please. That is… unnecessary," she then spoke to Elthina, "There was refuge for you in the Grand Cathedral, yet you would not leave your flock. I praise your efforts, Grand Cleric."

Leliana stepped forward in haste, "Your Grace, this –"

Justinia put her hands up, "Peace, Leliana. We have time," she turned her eyes upon me and her face softened into a smile, "So, you are the lady Leliana wrote to me about. The Champion of Kirkwall, yes?"

I inclined my head, "Yes, I am she." Behind me, Anders fidgeted. There was a tension in the air that could not be dissipated. Justinia regarded me with a warm look, there was respect in her eyes, something I had not expected. She clucked, "Confident and direct. I hear tell that you were involved in Starkhaven's progress."

"I was one of many," I replied.

Silence reigned. It was awkward and uncomfortable. I refused to fidget but still, I had been very tempted to do so. I tried to breathe deeply, keeping an inner calm that I did not feel. If only Sebastian had been here, I thought to myself, he would know exactly what to do or say.

"I sense discomfort," said Justinia and she motioned towards the rooms, "perhaps we should begin discussing the problems?" It was posed as a question but of course, it was an order.

I suggested, "We are going to need a larger room, there will be many people involved. Beyond that, Meredith should be present for this."

Justinia eyed me with speculation, "I am surprised at your requests. Surely you would prefer the Knight-Commander to not be present."

"My arguments and evidence remain the same with or without her. No matter what I think of her, I do her a disservice to speak without her present. I suggest the Throne Room in Viscount's Keep. I'll also need Leliana, Grand Cleric Elthina, a mage named Ella, the Tranquil assistant Elsa, Walter from Darktown and a few Templars," I said without hesitation.

Fenris growled from behind me, "I know the Templars. Cullen and Alek."

Anders offered, "Bethany and I can go into Darktown and get Walter. You can go to Viscount's Keep and start without us. Everyone you want is already there or with us now."

Justinia had chuckled, "Always in such a rush, young people these days. Why don't we head into Viscount's Keep, Elthina and Leliana? We shall give these young ones time to prepare. We will be in the Throne Room awaiting you."

Leliana offered, "I will have Ella, Elsa as well as the Templars waiting for you. Don't forget your documents!"

I sent Fenris and Isabela to grab all the documents and carry them to the Throne Room. Along with Anders and Bethany, we wandered down into Darktown. Walter was only too pleased to see me, telling me that he and the children had a little food each day to prevent from being hungry. I asked him, "Will you help me? I need you to speak to someone about your experiences in Kirkwall. Will you come to Viscount's Keep with me?" He nodded.

During the trek to Viscount's Keep, Walter endured through humiliating stares and points but with a comforting pat upon his shoulder, he had straightened up and did not falter. Well, not until we were in the Throne Room anyway. I closed the door behind him and his jaw dropped to the floor. He stuttered, "I thought you said you needed my help! You didn-"

I calmed him with soothing words, "I do need your help. You will not be harmed. I promise." Leliana took him and stood with the other witnesses to the left.

Meredith had been arguing with Elthina, asking her, "I should have been notified of this! I demand an explanation!"

Justinia answered for Elthina, "You will calm yourself, Knight-Commander. I am here because there are problems in Kirkwall. If it were not for Lady Hawke, this city would already be in holy war. I suggest you not make matters worse for yourself." She turned to me, "Lady Hawke. You may begin."

I took a deep breath and introduced my ideas, "As we are all aware, Kirkwall has problems. I would be the first to admit that. However, what is in dispute is what these problems are. Yes, we have some mage-related problems. Yes, we even have some blood mages. I will not shy from the truth. However, why is it that the mages in Kirkwall rebel so much? Why is it that the mages use blood magic? And why is it that all the problems in Kirkwall are somehow related to mages and blood magic when we actually have problems of starvation and murder? Why are the streets lined with blood? The answer to these questions is the Templars that are in charge of this nation and some of their abuses in authority."

Meredith was not pleased. She said, "You are an apostate! You have no right!"

Leliana stood with me, "She has every right! I have requested The Divine's presence so this woman can do all she can to protect Kirkwall!"

When Justinia gestured for me to continue, I turned to Elthina, "Grand Cleric. You were present when Meredith and I spoke about the Gallows being burned. Meredith gave a list of people who were involved. Could you please tell us what she said?"

Elthina nodded, "Knight-Commander mentioned that aside from blood mages and mercenaries, some of the Templars played a part in the arson."

With an inclination of my head as thanks, I continued, "But what was the public told? There was no mention of Templar involvement. All that was mentioned were the mages. So, Kirkwall is harbouring under the illusion that mages are dangerous. They are treated with disdain. A living being treated as sub-standard. Does anyone deserve that? Is it so surprising that they turn to their powers for help?"

Meredith was watching me and her eyes were once again, turning a little red at the irises. I took a deep breath to shake my nerves. I continued, "There are solutions to this problem but first, I would like another to step forward. Ella?"

Ella, the young mage that Anders had nearly killed stepped forward. She looked different, her hair was a lot longer and there was a new facial tattoo upon her left cheek. Looking around with hesitation, she stammered, "Yes?"

I told her, "Please be calm. No one will hurt you. What can you tell me about Ser Alrik?"

Meredith interrupted, her voice tinging with hatred, "This is pointless. Ser Alrik is dead and The Champion simply wishes to use The Tranquil Solution against us. This was denied by me and the Divine."

"And yet, he was allowed to Tranquilise more mages," I turned to Ella, "Will you tell us what you know of Ser Alrik?"

The tension was too much and she broke down into tears, sobbing as though she was reliving the experience of Alrik's threats, "Ser Alrik wanted to Tranquilise all mages. When The Tranquil Solution was rejected, he still Tranquilised mages in secret. He made up reasons, saying that some of the mages were found doing something incriminating but… it never happened… Siarah, she was my friend. He Tranquilised her for falling asleep during class and then when she was a Tranquil, he raped her. I heard it. I saw it. He had it for me after that. He kept trying to find situations to make me Tranquil. I was trying to visit my mother… he found me escaping… I didn't do anything." Her voice broke and as she collapsed into a crying heap upon the floor, I motioned for Bethany. My sister, seeing my nod, went to Ella and comforted her, hushing her gently.

I turned to Justinia, "The Templars are abusing their authority. Rape? Tranquilising mages without proper reasoning? Is it any wonder mages rebel?"

Meredith shouted, "These could all be fabricated lies! You could have asked the girl to say these things for you."

I shrugged, "I could have. Or I could tell you that I have Ser Alrik's documents in hand right now because I was the one that killed him." I produced the letters and passed it to Leliana, who gave it to Her Grace. I said, "I plucked it off his cold, dead body after he was done threatening Ella."

Meredith brandished her sword, "You killed a Templar! I should have you executed!"

It was the first time Justinia sounded angry, she ordered, "You will put your sword away and remember your place, Knight-Commander. Rape is not tolerated under any circumstance and the fact that this has not been investigated goes against you. I would have had my men do no else to Alrik. He is not befitting of a Templar," she turned to me, "Continue."

I bowed and turned to Walter, "Will you tell us about Evelina and how she lived her life whilst in Kirkwall?"

"Evelina was a blood mage!" said Meredith.

I nodded, "Yes, she was but you will allow Walter to speak."

I was proud of the boy. He stood tall and tried his best to speak firmly. He told Justinia, "Evelina helped the children of Ferelden. When the blight happened, she saved a lot of us. When we came to Kirkwall, she turned herself into the Circle but they still locked her up and called her an apostate for leaving Ferelden. She tried to petition Meredith for funds to help us blight survivors but that was swept under the rug because Evelina was an apostate. In the end, Evelina turned to blood magic for help. It was the only alternative she hadn't exhausted!"

I suggested, "How is it that a mage, who freely came forward to the Circle, can be labelled an apostate? And how is it that her family was not cared for at all in the process?" I turned to Leliana, "Perhaps you should enlighten Her Grace as to what you've seen these past days?"

"What in particular, Lady Hawke?" she had inquired.

I pondered for a moment and then decided upon, "Anything you feel is helpful to this discussion."

She had nodded, "I believe it is important to point out that Kirkwall has no Viscount. Meredith took it upon herself to be Viscountess, passing and enforcing laws when she had no right to do so. She has all the mages in Viscount's Keep and they are guarded heavily. There is no real decency afforded to the mages. Lady Hawke was also sent to capture three blood mages, however, only two of them were blood mages. The third, Emile de Launcet took the opportunity of the Gallows fire to escape and live life for he has never really lived properly. However, when Lady Hawke persuaded him to turn back to the Templars, Meredith would have executed him. It was due to the Comte's plea and Lady Hawke's words that caused Meredith to rethink that course of action. Even still, she treats Emile as though he is a blood mage, he is watched more severely than the rest of the mages despite the fact that there is no evidence that Emile has even used blood magic. Knight-Commander Meredith believes she is the Viscountess of this city and is taking on every possible role in the system – law maker, judge, jury and executioner. This cannot be allowed to continue."

I was surprised at Leliana. She had evidently spent some time thinking over her words and arguments. It was a relief to know that she supported my cause.

"And finally," I said, "Elsa, you are Meredith's Tranquil assistant. You will be the most objective out of everyone here, yes?"

Elsa had nodded, "I have no feelings and therefore, all of my answers are facts and unclouded by emotion."

"Very well, I would first like you to repeat what you told me when I asked whether Huon, Emile and Evelina were blood mages."

As I watched Justinia carefully, each of Elsa's words struck her blow by blow. "I told you that Knight-Commander Meredith likes to err on the side of caution by assuming that all apostates use blood magic."

I asked, "Does Meredith use any means of ensuring whether mages are guilty or not?"

Elsa did not hesitate, "There is no way of ensuring innocence or guilt. Knight-Commander Meredith prefers to execute as long as the apostate can be labelled such."

I turned to Justinia. I felt sorry for the woman. She had turned white in shock, horror and fury. I said, "As Grand Cleric Elthina once said to someone I knew, 'death is never justice'. There is no justice in risking the lives of innocent mages. We are human, too."

It then struck me. Did Elsa know about the lyrium?

I asked her, "One more thing. Do you know anything about Meredith's lyrium?"

Meredith's thunderous and dark expression was shot at me. Her eyes promised retribution as Elsa told me, "Knight-Commander Meredith uses lyrium as is issued. I know nothing aside from that."

I was disappointed. It would have been perfect had Meredith's downfall be at the hands of her Tranquil assistant. Yet, that would not be so.

Elthina then questioned me, "Lyrium? What is this about?"

I motioned for Fenris to speak. His tone was respectful but blunt, "Meredith was issued crates of lyrium. As Cullen and the other Templars will tell you, that lyrium was never shared and has long since disappeared."

Meredith argued, "You have no proof that the lyrium was not shared. It could have been given to other Templars serving under me!"

Justinia agreed, "Lady Hawke, though I confess that the information exposed does the Knight-Commander much discredit, you have no solid evidence to substantiate such an outrageous accusation. The Templar Order has long been known to use lyrium but what you suggest is –"

I interrupted, "Yes, lyrium addiction. When I was in Meredith's office, there were spills of the blue potions upon her floor. And beyond that, I can prove her addiction!"

Meredith had cackled, "No! You cannot! This claim of yours is broken!"

I motioned, "Fenris, if you please."

He launched himself at her, tackling and physically removing the gauntlets which Meredith wore. She struggled with him but after a few moments, Fenris stood up and held the gauntlet in his own armoured hand. Divine Justinia was beyond words. Her jaw was dropped at the display of violence and honestly, I felt like laughing. If the situation hadn't been so serious, it would have been comical.

Taking the gauntlet from Fenris, I swiped the metal against my hand. The dustings of lyrium ore burned my skin, turning my hand into an unhealthy purple and grey. Throwing the gauntlet aside, I moved closer to Justinia, gesturing to my hand, "Do you know what mineral will cause such damage?"

She looked at me in awe and shock before shaking her hand. Anders answered as he stepped forward, "That's lyrium ore in its pure and original form. It begs a question why Meredith has lyrium ore upon her armour."

I turned to him and he gestured for my hand. We looked at each other and he shared with me in one look, his warmth and support as he healed my hands from the damage I had intentionally caused.

Justinia had not recovered from the shock even after Anders was done healing my hand. So I continued, "There are no guards in the city. They are all at Viscount's Keep helping the Templars. There is no food, no security. What I offer is simple." I gestured for the heavy package of documents and passed it to Leliana, "Enclosed are all the policies that are currently used in Starkhaven. They are successful. I propose that Kirkwall be allowed the same policies before holy war is declared. A partially signed trade treaty with Ferelden is also within that package."

Even then, Her Grace was still… well, dumbfounded. Leliana had suggested, "Perhaps we should reconvene in a few hours when Her Grace is recovered? I will fetch you when she is ready." My companions, the witnesses and I bowed before exiting. At the door, I looked at Leliana. She had smiled and very subtly, nodded at me in approval. Smiling, we left for the Chantry.

At the Chantry, no one spoke. We paced. We all knew that whilst things had gone well, until Her Grace decided in our favour and removed Meredith, it wasn't over yet.

And of course, things went very poorly prior to Her Grace making a decision. A messenger had arrived, summoning us to the Keep for Justinia's decision and final verdict. We were never allowed to go that far.

In the courtyard of the Keep, Meredith stood awaiting us. Her eyes were blazing with fire and as she lifted her sword in the air, it burned lightening bolts of blood red.

Her voice was changed, harsher and edgier, "And here you are, Champion, at long last. You have done me a great dishonour today and I cannot allow that to continue. Everything I have done has been for Kirkwall and you would try to erase that!" Her sword was lifted to point at me and her face screwed up in an expression of hatred, "You were _never_ a part of the Circle and I tolerated that but in defending them, you have chosen to become Kirkwall's enemy_, my_ enemy."

I stared at the sword, watched as the lightening bolts swivelled around the sword ever hastier than before as Meredith's mood swung towards the dangerous. There was a trinket looped around the hilt of the sword and I watched, the trinket becoming more and more familiar with every passing moment. Meredith smirked as recognition dawned upon my face, "You recognize it, do you not? Pure lyrium, taken from the Deep Roads. The dwarf charged a great deal for his prize," her tone became deep, mired with sneers and contempt.

No wonder! It was the idol that _I_ had found in the Deep Roads! How could I have forgotten? I shook my head, "The idol poisoned Bartrand's mind, in the end."

"He was weak," Meredith had snarled, "whereas I am not!"

Cullen found us; he stepped in front of our companions and had ordered, "Enough! This is not what the Order stands for. Knight-Commander, step down. I relieve you of your command!"

That seemed to be the breaking point for Meredith. She began to mutter, crazy, deluded and completely convinced, "My own Knight-Captain falls prey to the influence of blood magic," she turned around her and shrieked out in shrill tones, "You all have! You're all weak, allowing the mages to control your minds, to turn you against me!"

We looked around. There were a few Templars around but none who had been a part of the confrontation. For the most part, she had been talking to herself, perhaps even hallucinating as Bartrand had at one point. She brandished her sword this way and that, eventually pointing towards me again, "But I don't need any of you! I will protect this city myself!"

Cullen had lifted his own sword, "You'll have to go through me," he promised her.

"Idiot boy," she snarled, "Just like all the others." Lifting the sword high in the air, she crushed it into the stone ground. Red flames made of pure lyrium swirled around her as she chanted, "Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and wicked and do not falter!" The lyrium swirled faster and faster, as though it was being absorbed into Meredith's own body. The light became so bright, I could barely see.

Meredith was a fierce enemy to battle. She had constant regenerating strength and energy. Three mages, a rogue and a warrior did very little to even dent her armour. It was as though, every spell I cast that did her damage, the pure lyrium idol was a healing unit, capable of healing her wounds with relative ease. Her blows were also very direct. It took one blow and before the fight had even begun, Bethany had been knocked out cold. I had little time to look after her.

We were lucky, though. Cullen and some of the Templars loyal to him had assisted in our fight. With more people on our side, we slowly over-powered her. Even still, the lyrium idol gave her powers I hadn't dreamed ever existed. She had swooped away on a trail of lyrium, like a bat flying back to its cave and had somehow animated statues and other crude objects in the courtyard. Stone guardians protecting the Keep became alive and we were overwhelmed by the amount of enemies we had to fight. Statues, stone guardians, I thought for certain even the pot-plant on the side walk had a go at us. And whilst away from the fight, Meredith regenerated and healed. A translucent, red shield pulsed around her and I saw her hold her hands up to the sky, as though supplicating for the Maker's strength.

The statutes were not easy prey. There movements were, unlike anything I had ever seen. It would swoop down and swing its sword, moving about as though its joints could be swivelled like a sphere. Each time we managed to wound Meredith a little, she would fly away on her carpet of lyrium, sending statues and other inanimate objects to attack us so she could heal. Templars fell. Even I struggled. It was lucky that I had managed to survive some of her attacks. It was as though she were part mage, able to cast chain lightening at me. I had been stung quite a number of times. Each spell also had a mind of its own. When I ran, the spell did not miss but followed me until it caught me within its grasp. I had never experienced magic such as this.

Leliana had come out at one point and commanded some of Justinia's own guardsmen to fight Meredith for she was too strong. I heard the Knight-Commander mutter as she hacked through the guards, "Why is this taking so long? Can one so evil truly be so powerful?" she begged for the Maker's help, "Maker, guide your humble servant! Please tell me what I must do!" Even still, she began to doubt herself half way through. As I caught her in a glyph of paralysis, I heard her say, "What if… I'm not doing the right thing? What if this is all madness?" When she said that, her eyes had changed back to its normal blue but then, just as quickly, her eyes glinted into red and I knew; the idol was controlling her. She had yelled, "No! I must remain vigilant!"

Men fell. Too many men. Good men, I'm sure, with families of their own. As Meredith stumbled backwards, panting and beginning to become out of breath, she had said with scorn and fear, "I will not be defeated!"

Sebastian's dagger glinted in the sunset, on my belt. Dropping my staff to the ground with a clatter, I went on a run, holding the dagger in hand. I murmured a prayer, "Maker, if you must, take my life. Spare my friends and protect them this night." I sprinted as she cried, "Maker! Aid your humble servant!"

We had both pled to the Maker. Who succeeded was up to Him. I lifted the dagger in the air, ready to sink its blade into her chest… I was thrown backwards. I crashed upon my side, watching as her sword exploded into a million splinters in the air.

I saw the red swirls of lyrium overwhelm her.

I heard her screams of pain.

My vision clouded.

Then black.

* * *

><p>AN: That's the end of Meredith. Thank goodness. What about Hawke? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	11. The Eleventh Hour Again

**Chapter 11: The Eleventh Hour Again**

Sebastian POV

"Sebastian,

I found Hales in Kirkwall. It seems that your first instincts were correct after all. The letter that you sent to your contact in the hopes of finding Hales in Kirkwall was destroyed by none other than your friends. They had known she was in Kirkwall all along; she had asked them to lie for her.

The girl has been planning something not unlike what was done to Starkhaven. However, her enemy is Knight-Commander Meredith rather than Goran. I found her the first day I was in Kirkwall and she had been planning to speak with The Divine herself.

The Divine sent an agent to Kirkwall to assess the mage situation. Her name is Leliana. Leliana was convinced that there was an outside group of Tevinter mages called The Resolutionists who would do damage to Kirkwall and its Templars. Hales stated enough arrogant comments to pique her interest to the alternative; that the problems were not as mage-related as Leliana thought.

Apparently, Leliana also has ties to the Queen of Ferelden, they fought together during the Blight. She wrote regarding Hales and the Queen of Ferelden gave her unconditional support for Hales, so much so that Leliana wrote to The Divine, requesting her to listen to what Hales had to say, personally, I might add.

The Divine was supposed to have arrived two days ago. During the last nine days, Hales has been collecting evidence, rewriting policies that Starkhaven uses and has managed to receive a partially signed treaty of trade between Kirkwall and Ferelden.

Hales and I had a deal. She would be allowed to focus upon the matters of The Divine before I wrote to you. I had told her previously that I would give her nine days. As mentioned, The Divine was supposed to have arrived two days ago. We thought for sure that two days of discussion would have been enough. As such, we agreed upon the nine day mark.

Still, The Divine has not arrived and I wish to see the both of you reunited. I am giving you an opportunity for a head start. Come to Kirkwall. I am certain that Hales will do better with your support than without.

Beyond that, I have little to tell you. Hales has developed an incredibly good case what with the witnesses she has amassed as well as other evidences of Meredith's lyrium addiction. I am certain that she will win the Viscountess of Kirkwall seat. If so, she could rule Kirkwall from Starkhaven and the nobles would most definitely encourage such an alliance. She would be Princess in no time.

All this being said, I want you to consider carefully what you are doing – Hales is fragile, if you do not wish to be with her, do not come at all. You would break her and I do not wish for that to occur. I know, from her friends, that Hales did not set foot from her estate for the first three weeks she was in Kirkwall. She had been so broken hearted that she had not even noticed a great big building burned to rubble and lived only for the few letters that had been exchanged between her and the group of mutual friends you share.

Think carefully.

Grandfather"

My first reaction was to slam my fist into the table. They had lied to me! All of them, my trusted friends and family! Anders, Bethany, Isabela and Fenris, they had gone to Kirkwall to help Hales! Why hadn't they mentioned this to me?

I summoned the rest of the group, Varric, Merrill and Aveline. They came to my private rooms as always, for they were my friends. I had been fairly unforgiving when I had shouted, "When were you going to tell me Hales had been in Kirkwall all this time? When?"

The three of them exchanged glances of shock and then Aveline, the first to recover said, "She's in Kirkwall you say? We didn't know this."

I had flung my grandfather's letter at her and had almost bellowed out, "My grandfather found her in Kirkwall whilst he was to assist the Chantry. All of you! You knew! And you hid the truth from me!"

Varric held his hands up in surrender, "She begged us to do it. What were we to do, Sebastian? If you were in our shoes, would you ever deny her?"

It had been a sneaky and cheap answer but it had rung true. I would have kept every single one of Hales' secrets if she had so much as asked, much less begged. Snarling as I ran a hand through my hair, I was beyond frustrated, beyond angry, I felt betrayed but honestly, I felt hope. I finally found her and it had been such a shock, I reacted very badly. I snarled, "That's where the rest of them have gone. They were not going on some couples' holiday as they tried to imply."

Varric nodded, "Hales wrote a letter to us and things didn't sound so good."

Merrill had chirped, "She said that Meredith was killing everyone and she was going to take Meredith down for Kirkwall!" I could hear the happiness from Merrill's voice, as though her very next sentence would have been, 'Isn't Hawke just the sweetest thing?'

It did nothing for my nerves. That was exactly what it was. Nerves. Anxiety and panic threatened to overwhelm me and I had to lean against the table to keep from feeling sick. Six weeks.

How could I have missed her so much in only a few weeks? Why did it feel like she was an entire world away when she was just a border away, the next city at most? She had left me. Whilst I had lain asleep. A woman had _no right_ to make a man feel like his next breath demanded her existence and then leave him restless and alone without her. A woman had _no right_ to become the centre of a man's world and then leave him high and dry as though he mattered little to her.

Of course, I knew why she left. She left for the nation. It was never about her or about me. It had been about Starkhaven. I had never mattered little. She left because I had mattered a lot. I knew why I was being irrational. Six weeks without her had stretched like forever. It hadn't felt like weeks. It felt like years. It felt like lifetimes since I had kissed her, held her, made love to her or even spoken to her. To hear her voice would have been like drinking water for the dehydrated, sweet bread for the starving.

I stood, resolute and sharp, "We are going to plan. We're going to _make_ her come home." I glared at them until they relented.

Varric was the first to cave, "That's easy. Go there and bring her home."

But my pride was on the line. I was going to be a stubborn ass about everything. I told him, "No. I want her to come here. To me. Grandfather says that she will most likely make the Viscountess' seat."

Aveline suggested, "So just invite her to a ball here in Starkhaven to celebrate an alliance. Sign treaties. She'll do it for the sake of Kirkwall."

That had been the plan. I had my scribes to begin discussing the possibility of a trade treaty between Starkhaven and Kirkwall. That was shot down by the next day when I received another letter from my grandfather.

"Sebastian,

The Divine arrived the day after my letter was sent to you. As I was told, Hales presented her case in a most sophisticated and convincing manner and Her Grace was most impressed by her. The Knight-Commander was present as Hales presented evidence of Templar corruption and lyrium addiction. So stunned was The Divine, she needed a few hours to recover from the shock.

When Hales and her friends were resummoned to the Keep, Meredith had attacked her. From what I hear, the Knight-Commander had an addiction to _pure _lyrium and had bought from a dwarf, the very idol Hales had found in the Deep Roads. A group of Templars and guardsmen were required to defeat the Knight-Commander. Bethany was somehow knocked out in the first few moments but seems otherwise fine now.

In the final moments, Hales had reached for Meredith, aiming to deliver the final blow but somehow, the idol had smashed. It was an explosion of sorts that left Meredith… I cannot adequately word the horror she became. It was as though the lyrium had been absorbed so far into Meredith's body that she became dehydrated from within and became a statue of pure lyrium.

The explosion caught Hales. She was flung backwards and she hasn't woken up since. There was massive head injury and many bones were broken on impact. It is a wonder that she's even survived this far. I'm not sure whether she will make it.

Grandfather"

Yes, my plans of luring Hales home had been utterly shot down. It was like the Qunari attack all over again. Breath left me.

The pain, the horror, the shock.

The fear.

I left for Kirkwall, immediately with the promises of Varric, Merrill and Aveline that they would man the fort and guard Starkhaven.

* * *

><p>AN: Oh Sebastian, you make me breathless. What about the rest of you? What did you think?

Love, Ann


	12. Six of One, HalfaDozen of Another

**Chapter 12: Six of One, Half-a-Dozen of Another**

Hawke POV

I was in the Fade. It was the place any mage went when they dreamed. Everything was foggy, the floor or ground was translucent and the people around me… well, they were simply spirits passing through from one world to the next. Yet, I was unlike them. I was more solid and more real and more coloured than the wisps of smoke that often walked right past me. Yes, I knew I was in the Fade but where, I had no idea.

I was taught, as a young girl, that when a person dies, their spirit passed through the Fade into the Afterlife and those who were doomed in the eyes of the Maker would wander as lost souls forever. I was caught in between two worlds; the real world and the afterlife. I could not move on.

Now and again, I heard voices; voices that did not exist in the Fade. I would turn around and look behind me but no one was speaking to me. Only more spirits passed me. Nothing else. There were conversations I heard in my ear but I thought for sure, that I was simply imagining, going insane perhaps.

Then _his_ brogue caught my ear. Smooth, dulcet tones but deep and rich, with the sensual rolling of Starkhaven accent as he spoke. "You should have told me she was in Kirkwall. All of this could have been avoided."

Oh, it had been so wonderful to hear his voice. It breathed life into my withered soul. I remember wrapping my arms around myself and spinning on the spot, trying to hold on to his voice for as long as I could.

"And you would have done what, drag her back to Starkhaven and then watch it crumble? That would tear her apart." I recognized that voice. Anders. Yet, Anders was not with me.

His voice was back, fluttering in my ear but slightly tinged with anger, "She is not laying here torn apart? What do you prefer, watching her battered and broken like this or watching Starkhaven crumble?"

Though angry, I revelled in his voice. I had not heard it in so long. I lay down on the ground, beneath a tree, closing my eyes as I relished. Then it was gone, replaced by Anders' voice, "Hales is someone who fights for what she believes in. I do as she commands and fight by her reasons unconditionally. If she would die for Kirkwall instead of watching Starkhaven crumble, I would follow that no matter how painful her loss would be to me."

The voices left after that. I wandered the Fade some more. It was not so bad. A little lonely and the sky was never the right colour, always shaded by greens instead of blues but it was not so bad. In the distance was The Black City, I watched the shadows from afar. No one had ever found a way into The Black City and I pondered, if I was to be stuck in the Fade forever, why not try? There were lyrium veins littered all over the ground. Touching me replenished me with boundless energy.

As I travelled to that direction, I heard a sweet voice in my ear. Bethany. I felt a brief stroke of my forehead, even a brush of lips before she whispered, "Wake up, sister. We need you. Kirkwall needs you. Wake up for us."

I heard him again. He was angry and frustrated, "Oh yes," he said sarcastically, "Wake up to Kirkwall, the bright and shining jewel that it is. Hales..."

I lost focus as he touched my hand, I felt it briefly. It was curious how he had reached me and plucked me from the Fade with just one touch. I woke, my eyes opening to Bethany and Sebastian. Pain enveloped me. Overwhelming pain. Then just as quickly, I submerged back into the Fade. I didn't hear their voices for a very long time. I was never sure how long that actually was. There was no measure of time in the Fade. But it felt like a while.

Through my travels in the Fade, I found that it consisted of multiple tiers, like different cities all bound together upon one piece of land. I believe the best way to describe it is like comparing the Free Marches in its entirety with Starkhaven or Kirkwall or any other city. Somehow, I travelled to another piece of the Fade, where it no longer involved spirits who passed into the afterlife but spirits who _lived_ in the Fade itself.

Spirits like Faith, Justice, Valor, Fortitude and Compassion. Spirits of Kindness, Forgiveness and Love. As I wandered in their midst, they never harmed me. Some spoke to me, speaking of how they lived in the Fade, abandoned by the Maker but never losing faith in His new creation of children. They taught me how to manipulate my surroundings, to make the Fade emulate the world I wanted.

I was in Starkhaven. I forgot about the Fade. By the time I had learnt to manipulate the Fade, my spirit had changed, it was no longer truly human. And the Fade, it was looking more and more like the real world. I had changed it until the skies were really blue and there was no green tinge. Anders noticed the change or rather, Justice had. One night, as I was gallivanting in this new piece of Fade where no demons existed, Anders had come to me. When I saw him, my whole world had been lit brightly by happiness. I threw my arms around him in joy and had cried out, "Come with me! Let me take you through Starkhaven!"

My worlds had collided. There was no real world, there was no Fade. All I knew were that my friends had become spirits and my family or kin were no longer human. This new Starkhaven might have looked the same but its citizens were not. Faith and Kindness were my closest and they celebrated my joy when I found Anders.

But Anders was not pleased. He had shaken me, "This is the Fade! Not Starkhaven!"

I had laughed at him, gesturing to all that was around me, "Of course it is! Look around you, these are the fields of Starkhaven! This is home, Anders!"

At first, he had pretended to be happy for me. He had asked me to walk with him and upon the edges of that tier of the Fade, he had ripped me into another piece of it, dragging me unwillingly to a place where the skies were once more green and the spirits roamed free from world to world. I became confused, "Where have you taken me?"

"To another piece of the Fade," he answered simply, "You should stay here. Bethany told me you had opened your eyes for a moment but the pain had been too much. You fell back into the Fade very quickly." He disappeared.

I heard their voices briefly. I heard Anders explaining, "She's becoming a spirit of the Fade. I have no idea what they'll call her. She's not really Valor or Faith or anything. Maybe they'll call her Hawke and one day, the mages will just _find out_."

Sebastian's voice was angry and my soul detested the sounds of anger. I ran towards a portal, calling for Faith and Kindness to save me. They found me and brought me back to Starkhaven. There, I knew only joy.

If I think about it, I know my soul was rapidly turning into a spirit of Joy. Every emotion had been washed away until only Joy remained. There, in Starkhaven, though I did not _look_ like a spirit, whirls of mist and magic put together, I was treated like one of their own. Everything was peaceful. Everything was wonderful. And, unlike what the Chantry thought, there were no demons waiting just around the corner. And I also learned. Spirits of Justice taught me the finite balance between punishment and cruelty. Spirits of Forgiveness taught me that to forgive was truly divine. A spirit of Valor taught me much about combat and I spent many days weaving through his weapons made entirely of will, learning all the strategies of the world.

Anders found me some nights.

Bethany found me others.

Their worry and concern grated my nerves. I could not take any of it. I ran from them night after night, trying to flee from their overwhelming amount of emotion. In retrospect, I understood what I was going through. Part of me was human, the other part of me was spirit. Both sides warred with each other. I could not be two things, only one. When Bethany and Anders were around, they pulled and dragged out my human side causing pain, confusion and misunderstanding. My spirit form could not tolerate all that extra emotion. It was not joy. A part of me could no longer comprehend it. I knew no sadness, I knew no anger, I knew nothing but joy. In fact, I forgot even love.

I was, of course, never completely without love. A spirit of Love was another companion by my side and I often curled into its magic and warmth. Maybe that's why it took so long for me to return to the real world, in some ways my human form could be sated as well with some of the positive emotion and none of the bad.

There was no real choice. Who wouldn't want to spend an eternity in the Fade where only peace and love existed and nothing else?

In the real world, though, my body was changing.

It was no longer entirely flesh and bone.

No longer entirely human.

* * *

><p>AN: Wow. Hales is really in some trouble, huh? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	13. Thirteen Emotions

**Chapter 13: Thirteen Emotions **

One night, whilst encased by a spirit of Love, Anders had found me. In the Fade version of Starkhaven, I was inside the castle, in the very bedroom Sebastian and I once shared. Anders said to me, "It has been two weeks. Kirkwall is still in shambles. The Divine has no right to rule and cannot rule on your behalf. Leave the Fade and come back to us or there will be dire consequences."

It was as though I was part Tranquil. I didn't even feel furious and had asked, "Are you threatening me?" but my tone was neutral and nothing mattered but Starkhaven around me. He had shaken his head, "No. Your body in the real world is changing. You are no long entirely flesh and bone. Your skin is translucent, I can see into your bones, which helps because healing has become much easier but it is not a good sign. In some ways, your body is dying and you are giving up your shell to become a spirit of the Fade."

The spirit of Love had spoken, its voice the epitome of warmth, "She is loved here. Why do you try to pull her away? This is her real world now and your world is like the Fade to her. Why would you take her to a world of suffering when she can stay here, like a spirit of happiness?"

Anders had protested, "She is loved out of the Fade, as well!" and his tone was grating upon my nerves. I could not take his emotion. Other than joy, love, faith and compassion, there was no anger, sadness, frustration or sorrow. I held onto my head and had whispered, "Stop…"

Love wrapped its mist and magic further around me, as though protecting me from Anders. It said, "You are referring to human love, it is weak and incomparable to love in the Fade."

Anders had shaken his head, "You know nothing but love. You wouldn't survive in the real world. You could not survive the hardships of that world and still love as pure as you believe."

"But there is pure love here. There are no hardships. You would drag her back to a land of misery?"

Anders was not pleased by that answer and had told me, "You are human. You need human things. You can't spend an eternity as some half spirit because you can never be wholly spirit. A part of you will always be human. It will always need that chaos. Sooner or later, you will make yourself miserable here. I will bring you home, Hales, if it is the last thing I do," he promised.

When he left, I felt only relief. When he left, I wanted nothing more than to become a pure spirit so I would never have to feel miserable again. I knew he was right, that a part of me would feel incomplete because I could never be a true spirit but I was so tired, so tired of the world. I was so tired of its chaos and its endless problems. In the Fade, all there was were spirits instead of citizens, peace instead of chaos, discussion instead of arguments, and the place was still just as beautiful. As much as I loved Sebastian, it was as though I was numb and incapable of feeling love for myself. All I knew was joy. And for a while, it truly was enough.

Then one night, the winds had changed. The skies were not so blue and I had wondered to myself, what was happening? I control Starkhaven, I made the skies blue, what is happening? I had been alone that night, strolling towards the edges of Starkhaven in an attempt to understand the new phenomenon. I had been too used to being the only one who controlled the land and had forgotten that any spirit could change the Fade. Curiosity began to be fed back into my soul.

There was lightening, bolts of it struck the skies as it turned grey and then into dark night. A downpour of rain drenched me whole and I felt _cold_. It was a sharp jolt of surprise and from one moment into the next, emotions were slowly brought back into my life.

Horror. The castle crumbled, each stone cracking apart and falling from the building.

Shock. The entire building disappeared and nothing was there. There was no heap of rubble, nothing to speak of. There were only endless fields and bountiful wildflowers.

Despair. I watched as the fields disappeared and suddenly, I was in the Gallows, the bodies of mages surrounding me.

Anger. A brief apparition of Meredith stood before me, her sword glowing red in the fog of the Fade.

Confusion. It was as though an axe had been hacked through me, striking me with emotion after emotion as the sceneries faded back to open fields.

Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Sebastian stood before me; only a foot away and in the same moment, I realized that Anders had not been lying after all. I was in the Fade. I had spent all this time in the Fade. The sentence kept repeating in my mind. It was cruel, a brutal truth that made my mind break down. I hyperventilated. I stressed. I hassled. And as I took a step backwards to keep myself from wavering, Sebastian reached forward. It only served to frazzle me more and like a child, I ran from him. I fled. I ran from the truth and wishing to bury my head in the sand, the scenery was Starkhaven once more and I fled for the castle, hoping that something, someone would save me from the distress I felt.

No matter how far I ran, the castle was still too far away. It was as though the castle was moving away from me as I ran towards it. I looked behind me. Sebastian had disappeared. I stopped. Suddenly, it was as though the last few moments had not occurred at all. The skies were blue, the summer breeze shook the trees lightly and just a little way ahead, my Starkhaven home stood. Still, I had been too disturbed and I began to run again. This time, the castle stood still. After so long, I knew the castle back to front. I never got lost. It was no longer a labyrinth or maze to me. I ran back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut, resting my forehead against the wood.

Sensual rolling of brogue had my body seizing up. "Curious isn't it, that you run back into this bedroom?" I turned, fearful of what I would find. And there he was, leaning against a post of the bed, surveying me with cool, blue eyes. He was relaxed but aloof, his face had no expression as he watched me. I stayed quiet.

"You left," he stated simply. I nodded. My lack of response infuriated him and in two strides, he grabbed me by the arms and fused our mouths together. Anger. Passion. It was the last that undid me. I couldn't take the full brunt of all the emotions. I pushed him away with a desperate cry, "No! Don't! Leave me be. Leave me be!"

I think the distress of all those emotions piling up on me had me so confused that I couldn't think. I couldn't comprehend or understand. All I knew was survival. Sebastian had suddenly become my enemy. From the wall, I grabbed an ornamental sword and I swung it in an immature fashion. I didn't know how to use a sword, never really even touched one.

His eyes became cold, "You would try to attack me."

I was like a caged animal, fearful and prowling for an escape. It was not my finest moment, admittedly but I had hissed at him, "Leave!"

"No," his accent took on a steely and determined tone.

I had been so scared, so panicked and out of control, I began taking steps backwards as he backed me against the wall. The movements sent alarm bells ringing in my ears and like a cornered cat, I pounced. I thrust the sword at him and he, without his guard up, had been run through cleanly by the metal.

He stared at my eyes and I stared back, feeling wild, dangerous and terrified. His body began to blur at the edges but in the very last moments, I caught the emotions from his eyes before he completely dissipated from the Fade.

Heart-break.

Betrayal.

Love.

* * *

><p>AN: Oh Hales, Hales... What have you done?

Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	14. Fourteen People

**Chapter 14: Fourteen People**

The sword clattered to the bedroom floor and the sound echoed against the rooms, a noise that mocked me of the loneliness I suddenly felt. With a desperate cry, I realized Anders was right; I was human. I could not live without the emotional turmoil and chaos that existed in everyday life. I fell upon my knees, collapsed upon the floor, crying until I had no more to give. Nothing made sense yet everything made perfect sense. I knew what I had done; I pushed away the only man I could ever love because I had been too afraid to simply take the leap of faith and ask him to take me back. It shouldn't have been so hard yet it had been. In my defence, I can only say that the amalgamation of all the emotions I felt had me reacting poorly; very poorly.

Then I felt it, a single hand, running down my back before rolling me over. In the firelight, I saw only a silhouette yet I knew who it was. The shape, the musculature, the broad shoulders, the messy hair – it could have been none other than my father. I had sniffed, sobbed and curled my arms around him, digging my head into his chest as he stroked my hair murmuring in comfort, "Oh, my little sparrow…"

Like a little girl who had skinned her knee, I curled upon my father's lap, crying until the pain would go away but heartache was not a physical pain. It never ceases and it does not die. Eventually, he picked me up and I stood on my own feet, wiping the back of my hands against my eyes. He offered a hand to me, a strong hand and I looked at him for the first time. He looked strong, as though in his prime time rather than the old man he had been when he died. He looked like the man he was when I had been a little girl, when he was as big as the whole world. With his hand reached out for mine, he had smiled and murmured, "Walk with me, darling."

I took his hand and we strolled through the castle, out into the fields, past the edges of Starkhaven and into another piece of the Fade. There, it was somewhat different. It was warm and it felt like coming home after a tiring day out fighting. Everywhere I looked was this glow of yellow and though I tried, the environment never changed. It was constant. I asked softly, "How is it that you are here? I thought the Fade was for dead people."

"I am dead, sparrow," he said as he rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hand in comfort, "but you are not. The question is what are you doing in the Fade?"

There was no point lying. He was my father, he would see through my words anyway. "I found myself here, I found a home here and after awhile, I forgot. There was nothing but joy and warmth. I felt nothing else and could feel nothing else. I forgot that I was in the Fade." Turning around, I looked, "Where are we?"

"Another portion of the Fade."

"I thought the Chantry said that only bad people who are not accepted by the Maker wander the void. You're not bad. What are you doing walking around here?" My questions were child-like again, my world was small and looking up at my father, I hero-worshipped him again.

"Knowing you were lost in the Fade, I had to come for you," he explained, "but you are now standing in another Golden City, I suppose."

I sat upon clouds of white and asked, "So the Maker exists?"

My father nodded. Then it dawned on me and I asked joyfully, "Have you come to take me to the Maker? I can live with you? With Carver? With mother?"

He cradled my face and whispered, "I have missed your child-like innocence," and then answered my question, "I suppose what you do is up to you. You could stay here with me, with Carver and your mother. You could go back to the piece of Fade I took you from. _Or_," he emphasised the word, "you could go home. Go live your life before you come back here to live with me."

I sighed, "I've made such a mess of everything. Of everything." I muttered into my hands, "Carver died. I couldn't look after mother and that necromancer went after her. I couldn't even look after Bethany. She got taken by the Templars. Now I'm stuck here in the Fade and I killed Sebastian." I sobbed, "Oh, his face. He looked so heartbroken! I'm such a bad person."

My father asked me, "Did you kill Carver? Did you kill your Mother? Was it your fault that there was a blight? Was it your fault that a necromancer came for your mother? Could you really have prevented all this? Did you try?"

It was a long list of questions and eventually, I broke down into more tears and had said through sniffles, "I tried so hard! It all just happened! I don't know how it happened. Everything just did… it was such a mess."

Then there was a snide remark at my ear, "Take a look at those waterworks. Pull yourself together, Sister."

My head jerked up and there beside my father sat Carver and mother. I tackled both of them into hugs, too pleased to see them. Father had laughed, hearty and deep. Whatever happened and wherever we were, everyone was together and happy. Mother had lustrous, long hair much like mine and she looked so young and fresh. And Carver, there were no wounds, no gaping holes… he was complete and _happy_. He complained, "Ugh. Go home, sister. Come back when you've lived a full life."

I griped back, "You didn't wait that long."

He sniped, "I didn't have that choice. You do. Go home, stupid."

Mother had rolled her eyes, exclaiming, "The two of you! I would have thought the both of you grew out of sniping back and forth!"

I looked around me, only clouds existed and everything was peaceful. I asked, "So this is what heaven looks like, huh?" I put my head in my mother's lap where her hands stroked my hair and she explained, "Not entirely. We're beyond the golden gates. You'll truly die if you walk through those gates."

Carver told me, "Let me break it down for you since your brain isn't working. You can walk through those gold gates," he pointed towards a gigantic set of gates that I hadn't seen even a moment before. It was as though it had just appeared. Gold and inviting, the gates seemed like the perfect entrance to heaven. When my eyes turned back to Carver, he continued, "and you'll die. You'll walk through them no matter what; it's just a matter of time unless you end up being a total _bitch_ before you die. The other option is going back to that other part of the Fade and becoming some weird half spirit thing. The last option is you go home, go back to the world and live your life and when you die, come back here and walk through those gates."

"I can't be a spirit anymore," I told them, "too many emotions are within me. I'll go back to say goodbye to them and that, for the time I needed them, they were faithful companions and friends but I can't stay there. Anders was right. I am human."

"Thank the Maker she gets that much, "Carver had whispered to Mother before she smacked his leg fondly.

Father touched my hand, "You deserve that family you're craving."

I told him, "I can take the easy way out and have that family now instead of all that panic and anxiety that comes with trying to make a family without Sebastian."

"Without Sebastian?" Mother had asked.

I slapped a hand to my face as I explained, "I ran him through with a sword," as Carver cackled upon his back, "That's about as 'stay away from the scary mage' as it goes. I doubt Sebastian is going to be with me after all that," I looked at them all with a sad expression, "There's nothing left for me back home."

Father collected a lump of cloud and lifted it to the air where it floated between the four of us. He whispered, "We are people of your past and of your very distant future but mostly of your past at this point. There are people in your present."

The faces of my friends flashed in the orb. Aveline, Donnic, Fenris, Isabela, Bethany, Anders, Merrill, Varric… and then a scene played. It was like I was staring down at my own body. I looked… horrific. My body was as Anders had suggested, turning translucent and pale. White swirls of mist pulsed around my body as though it were a cocoon, readying me for my transformation. I could see the bones through my body and to my horror, I watched as bones were slipped back into place as Anders worked tirelessly, healing my body.

All around my body stood everyone. I watched as Sebastian woke up from a chair and with anger and betrayal covering his face, he had stalked out of the room without a second look. Fenris tried to stop him, pushing him backwards snarling, "What happened?"

He had pushed Fenris backwards, the first time I heard his brogue delivered with such hatred, "She ran me through with a sword! I don't know what you were trying to convince me of before because it is plainly obvious to me that she has not even a shred of love within her bones for me!"

The eight of them exchanged looks as Sebastian stalked out with a, "When you are done healing her, you all have duties in Starkhaven. I'd like to remind you of that. I'm leaving."

The piece of cloud resumed its normal appearance of a ball of fluff. I slumped backwards, "See. He doesn't want me."

Mother had chuckled behind her hand and patted my head explaining, "Sebastian is a man and all men are the same. They can never resist a beautiful woman. Put yourself in front of him, waver and tell him how much you love him and he'll cave… That's on the premise that you still love him, of course."

Thinking about him brought heartache and pain. I wanted to be held in his arms, I wanted to hear his words of love whispered in my ear, I wanted to go through the obstacles of ruling Starkhaven and Kirkwall together, I wanted a life with him, I wanted everything… Carver had commented, "Take a load of that look. Eurgh, she's got it bad alright."

I sighed in defeat and my parents exchanged looks. With a nod from my mother, Father poked the white fluff-ball and said, "Watch."

There was very little to watch really. I saw sunlight streaming from a window and heard Sebastian's voice purring, "Wake up, my love. We have court this morn." I heard my own voice, making sounds of disquiet at having to wake up so early. Then a baby's bubbling laughter sounded and I heard a scurry of feet, pattering across the floor before a girl's voice cried out, "Bubba wakey!"

I felt my jaw drop in shock just as Carver rolled onto his side, laughing until he was out of breath. "I have children…" my mind had not processed everything but I mumbled, "in the future?"

My parents and Carver exchanged warm grins before looking at me. They stood and told me, "We'll be going now. You make your decision, darling."

"Wait!" I cried and scrambled to my feet, "Hug?" I requested, wanting to enjoy the feel of a parent's touch before I made a decision. Father was the first to hug me, kissing the top of my head. Mother held me tightly before kissing both my cheeks and then my nose. They left and said to Carver, "We'll see you later."

Carver held his arms open for me and I curled into them, holding my brother close. I asked, "Why is it that you're not worried at all?"

He smiled at me before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "Mother and Father worry because they are parents. They'll always worry even when we're perfectly fine but I'm your brother. No matter what, you'll do the right thing. If it's one thing I've learnt from you, Hales, it's that if something is easy then chances are it's not worth doing. I have faith in you, sister."

Carver turned to walk away and I yelled to his back, "I love you, Carver!" Without turning to look at me, he yelled back, "I love you, too. See you soon, sister but preferably not _too_ soon. And look after Bethany!"

I watched as the three of men walked through those golden gates and disappeared. Staring around me, I took in the peace and warmth. I would be back one day, I thought to myself and when that happened, I would have everyone around me. My parents, Carver, Bethany and Anders, Fenris and Isabela, Aveline and Donnic, Merrill, Varric and Sebastian… and when my children grew old, the two of them would live us again along with all of my friends' children.

It would be a loving group of fourteen and perhaps, that group of fourteen would grow to even larger numbers.

* * *

><p>AN: Everyone needs family, I've always been a huge supporter of that. Nothing makes sense without family even with all of its dramas. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	15. A Fifteen Minute Goodbye

**Chapter 15: A Fifteen Minute Goodbye**

I strolled to the edges of the new golden city that my father labelled and found myself where I started, in the Fade version of Starkhaven. Suddenly, this Starkhaven wasn't enough. I couldn't hear laughter, I couldn't see people and I needed my own life which did not exist here in the Fade. The spirits knew it was a goodbye before I had said anything. Each in turn had floated towards me, wrapped me in mist and magic, before floating away. They shared last minute secrets, last minute words of wisdom and I promised, "I will be back. It won't be soon. It won't be in my lifetime. I can't stay here for long without becoming something else. But one day, I will return. I will visit."

The spirits of the Fade were truly not human. Where humans would have begged and pleaded, they let me go without a fight. Where humans would have pressured or guilt-tripped, they watched as I walked away without as much as one negative word. They truly were the epitome of the goodness in the world. Still, I was not that epitome of joy or happiness, I was an amalgamation of all the wonderful things both good and bad and as such, it was high time for me to return home.

As I walked away, the spirits changed the scene accordingly and I no longer recognized whatever the place became. It was probably another scene from another mind who was dreaming. I walked to the edges of Starkhaven and found myself beneath a tree, the very tree I had once sat beneath to listen to Sebastian's voice. And there, I called out, "Anders… Anders? Can you hear me? Justice?"

Being a fellow mage and such a close friend, it seemed unsurprising that Anders came for me yet relief had run through my veins and warmth had rushed into me. I stuttered, "I know… I've made such a m-mess… I promise I'll –"

He hadn't allowed my words. Taking a large stride, he wrapped his arms around me and stroked my back in gentle caresses. Anders apologized, "It's not your fault, what happened. I told Sebastian to expect the worst. I told him that you hadn't felt emotion in too long and you were bound to react badly. Don't blame yourself, sunshine."

I lost myself in his embrace, too overwhelmed by the respite and reprieve given by his forgiveness. "Thank you for believing in me," I whispered and he shook his head above me, telling me, "You were there, everyday and every time things seemed dark. I would never forsake you. I have always given you my loyalty above all others and that will forever be the case."

"I wish I could tell him how much I love him," I whispered into his chest.

"You'll have that. He's going back to Starkhaven. We'll all go home. Together. Just you watch, Sebastian won't say no to you."

Eventually, I lifted my face from his chest and murmured, "Will you take me home?"

He nodded, "Soon. I am almost done mending your bones. I'd rather you completely healed when you are awake. There's a lot for you to deal with," he sat me down beneath the tree, "I'll take you home really soon. Promise me you'll stay right here?"

I nodded, "Promise."

"Good girl," he whispered before pressing a chaste kiss upon my lips and then promptly disappearing. After all this time, he was still in love with me. I didn't understand it, would never understand how he held onto me as long as he had but I felt incredibly cherished. In another life, Anders and I could have been very happy together but I suppose, that was not meant to be. I was in love with another and Anders did love Bethany very much – I could never ruin that for myself or for them. As I had once said to Sebastian, I could not deny what was in my heart and my heart would forever belong to Sebastian. It was simply a matter of whether he would have me.

I heard their voices drifting to me and it kept me company as I sat beneath that tree, boredom setting in.

Aveline had asked with concern, "Where did you go? Are you alright?"

Anders replied, "Hales told me to take her home."

Varric's voice sounded, "She's a mage. She should be able to go in and out of the Fade."

Bethany had replied, "I think it is different this time. Mages can be conscious in the Fade but Hales isn't just conscious in there, she's living there. She probably needs help being brought back into this world before she can learn to slip in and out again."

"At least she will be back," said Fenris, "Why is she not waking?"

I heard Isabela tut, "Can you see Anders trying to mend her bones? Evidently he wants to finish mending them before she wakes up? I'm more worried about how she'll react to Sebastian."

"I think she knows," said Anders, "and I'm not entirely sure how she knows so much but when I told her things, she didn't look surprised. Either way, we'll help her. She'll need time in Kirkwall and she'll need help with Sebastian."

And Merrill, so cute and sweet in her reply, "Oh! So exciting! They'll have a wedding and children and grandchildren and so many children!"

Isabela had comforted, "Pet, I think Anders is referring to the way in which Hawke will win Sebastian over. Well, if she's planning to do that, it'll be simple. Sex!"

Aveline had groaned, "Once a whore, always a whore."

"If sex doesn't work," protested Isabela, "I'll give up sex!" There was a quiet disbelief in the room before she amended, "for a week." I had laughed myself silly, laying on the ground and rolling about.

It felt like years before Anders came back. With a waggle of his fingers, I hopped upon my feet and held onto them. Before we left, I told him, "Thank you for saving me every time something goes wrong with me," before kissing him on the cheek and murmuring, "I love you, Anders."

He knew it was platonic. He knew that the space I had for him in my heart was not the way in which I had given space in my heart for Sebastian. Even still, he looked comforted and he whispered, "I know I will never have you. Not really. Not truly but to live everyday without your presence, Hales, don't do this again. It would kill me. The world can take anything from me, anyone from me but not you. Never you."

My eyes welled up in tears. I did not deserve such a man. And if I could deny my own selfish heart, I would have gladly spent my entire life with such a man to make him happy after all that he had given me. I whispered, "I do not deserve you. Or your love."

"Never say that. I'd rather spend the rest of my life watching you at an arm's length than to never have your light and laughter. It is I, who does not deserve your love. Everything you are has made me a better man. Never say that, my love. Never even think that."

Hearing that, I gave him all that I could. A simple and chaste kiss. It was no more than a kiss a sister would give a brother but I had to do it. When I released him, he looked shock and I told him, "It's a promise. I promise that I will always be a part of your life, whether best friend, family or one day, sister-in-law for as long as we both shall live," I cradled his cheek, "I know it will never be all that you want but-"

His fingers came underneath my chin and he whispered, "It is enough, Hales, it is enough."

It was our secret, our little moment in the Fade where no one else existed. It wasn't enough. I wished I could give him more, to give the man who had loved me for too long and too much the kind of love he deserved from the woman he wanted but alas, I didn't have that heart and no matter what would happen, my heart would belong to Sebastian.

I let him hold me for a few more moments, letting him pretend that for a moment in time, where everything stood still in the Fade, I was completely his. My mind flashed back to a night when Anders had kissed me with wild abandon, when Sebastian had meant much but not yet everything. It was too late for 'what if'.

When he was ready, I felt my body dissolve. I took my first breath and before my eyes even opened, I said, "Isabela, if you give up sex and become as pathetic as Emile de Launcet, I will personally kill you."

There was relief and raucous laughter all around. I opened my eyes and took another deep breath before steeling myself into rising. I felt Fenris' cool hands, supporting my head as he growled deep in his throat, "Slowly, Valentha."

I rose slowly, feeling hands all over my body as my spine was supported to keep me from moving too suddenly. I felt stiff and tense all over. I groaned, "What happened to me?"

Anders rolled over on my bed and jibed, "You want the long version or the short version?"

We shared a look. It was the kind of secret look like siblings shared, the kind that Carver and I shared or the kind that Bethany and Carver had shared as twins. We were alright, I thought and had breathed an internal sigh of relief. I have to admit that at the time, I was worried that Anders would misunderstand my intentions but that was washed away. As my joints popped and rolled, slowly getting used to movement again, I grinned, "Short version. I'd rather not grow old from the way you ramble."

Bethany sat upon the bed and with worried eyes touched my ankle. It was as though she was reliving the experience as she spoke, "Meredith's sword exploded and you were thrown back and knocked out. A lot of your ribs were crushed, the joints in your arms were dislocated and your head… You were bleeding with a cracked skull. We didn't think you would make it."

"Come here," I murmured and she cuddled against me. I told her, "I saw our parents. And Carver. He told me to look after you."

She gave a humph before saying, "He should have told you to look after yourself."

I yawned, I wasn't even sure why I was so tired. I asked Anders, "Why am I so tired?"

He looked at me through half-lidded eyes, "Your brain was active whilst in the Fade. You have slept properly in the last two weeks and you've expended a lot of energy and mana as you and I connected, it was the only way to heal you properly."

The three of us lay in bed, drifting back to sleep. At the back of my mind, I heard Isabela usher everyone out telling them, "They sleep like this all the time. Let them rest. We should cook dinner or something."

It was such an odd thing to hear Isabela say but I had been too tired to tease her about it. Instead, I snuggled into Anders and Bethany's warmth, murmuring thanks as Varric pulled the covers over us. He touched my head for a moment and said, "Don't scare me like that again, Hawke. Scared a few decades off my life."

I tried to say sorry and apologize but I heard him say before I fell asleep, "Ah. Don't apologize. Just don't do it again but then again, Choir-Boy probably won't let you as much as pick up a staff once the two of you are together again."

It was a nice thought to fall asleep to.

Sebastian and I worked well.

We would be together.

One day.

Soon.

* * *

><p>AN: So, she's finally woken up. Only to go back to sleep. That's just weird but logical in a way. I really hope that somehow, Hales and Sebastian find a way to be together. What do you guys think? Where do you think they are headed? How do you think they should get back together? Please R&R and give me your own imaginations!

Love, Ann


	16. Sixteen Plates

**Chapter 16: Sixteen Plates**

Bethany had been the first to wake up. I remember her shifting from the bed and when I murmured in protest, I heard the smile in her voice, "You and Anders rest, I'll be downstairs." I fell back into sleep, dreamless sleep. It was hours later when I woke, the sky was dark and from a distance, I could see the stars twinkling in the sky. It was a clear autumn night. I think it was the smells of cooking that woke me. I sniffed at the air, herbs and garlic fluttering about. I gently touched Anders' sleeping face and his eyes snapped open, so quickly that I actually jolted from shock. In the room with the door closed, we had privacy. I asked him, "Are you alright?"

Sleep was still in his eyes but he managed a slow nod before throwing a casual arm around my waist. He murmured into my hair, "How are you feeling?"

"Odd," was my first response, "everything feels so much more direct. Touch, smell, see… everything has so much more impact. The Fade… was different." I rolled onto my stomach, turning my head to the side to look at him. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked him, "Does Bethany know?"

He knew what I was referring to. He knew I was asking as to whether Bethany knew that he loved me. Guilt slammed into me as he nodded and explained, "I was honest. I told her about my feelings for you. She knows that I love her but she knows I love you, too. She tells me she doesn't mind. Bethany knows you and I were together for a time."

I needed to talk to Bethany. I just needed to clear the air and let her know that I wasn't after her man. I had so much guilt and I needed to make sure my little sister, the one _I_ should have been protecting, was not living in heartache. Seeing my expression, he rose and offered, "I'll tell her to come up. You probably want to talk to her, right?"

"Thank you, Anders," I said and he nodded, returning a gentle smile before leaving for downstairs. Very slowly, very gently, I rose from the bed, just to sit up straight. I tested my arms gingerly before moving onto my neck and then twisting from side to side, listening to my spine pop and crackle. Bethany poked her head through the doorway and smiled, "You wanted to see me, sister?"

I patted the bed beside me and she sat down, curling her legs beneath her as she rested upon the pillows. We looked at each other for a while and I struggled for speech. So, she began for me, "I thought this was going to come up. It's very typical of you, to feel guilty and worry over nothing."

"It's not really over nothing, Bethany," I began with a sigh, "I need you to know that I don't have any intentions towards Anders. He's family and a very good friend to me but it isn't really like that. I need you –"

Bethany was a sweet tempered girl, she never really flew into tantrums and all her words were always gentle and heartfelt. She said, "I need _you_ to know something. Anders told me he loved you right from the start. I went into the relationship fully aware of his affections for you."

I interrupted, "But-"

"No, stop." She said, "I can't fault him for falling in love with you. I love you, so much. How could I fault him for loving someone I loved?"

I hated having to spell it out for her and so I told her, "He doesn't love me the way you think, sweetheart. It's a little like-"

Her fingers pressed at my mouth and she nodded, "I know. I know everything. He has never lied about you and him. You've never had that kind of intention, either. I trust both you and he implicitly and I know that neither of you would hurt me."

"Doesn't it bother you at all that he's in love with another woman?"

Bethany shook her head, "He's not in love with another woman. He's in love with _my sister_. The very sister who refused to let me join a mercenary band because she wanted me to be protected at home. The very sister who worked like a slave to put some food on the table for her family. The very sister who barely ate and scraped food from her plate into mine so I could have decent meals in the first year of being in Kirkwall. The very sister who went to the Deep Roads, fighting all sorts of rock wraiths, in the hopes that she could give me a better home. The very sister who's taught me almost everything I know about magic because our father didn't have enough time. Not all sisters are like us but for us, we've shared everything. You've shared your life, your magic, your love with me… if sharing a man is all I have to do; you think I wouldn't do that for you?"

I cradled her body to mine, embracing her tightly, kissing the top of her head and thanking the Maker that I had been given such a wonderful sister, such a giving sister. She spoke into my shoulder, "Anders and I have talked about this. He's told me that you love him but not as a lover. So, I guess I haven't got much to consider worrying over. Even still, if things don't end well between you and Sebastian, you could stay with us."

I pushed her backwards, my eyebrows quirking upwards and she explained, "You could live with me and Anders, in Starkhaven and rule Kirkwall from there. The three of us," she shrugged, "We already share the same bed."

"This makes no sense to me," I ran two hands through my hair, "I cannot believe you can sit here and be so calm about your lover sleeping in the same bed as me. I just _don't get it_."

Bethany had laughed, "I'm not like you, Hales. Everything is calm with me. You're the one with all the vibrant emotions and Carver just gets broody and negative. I'm in between, just calm, no real ripples to speak of. Anders is a lot like you in that department. He and I share a love but it isn't passionate. It's calm and gentle and fond." She frowned a little, "We've had sex. It was good. Anders is a caring lover but… it's all too much for me. All that passion and turbulent emotion doesn't really work well with me. It's just that Anders needs a little calm in his life and maybe that's why he and I work so well. I don't know," she shrugged, "but no matter what happens, you're my sister. He loves you. I love you. You love us. If things don't work out with Sebastian, we'll stay together."

A morbid thought clicked in my head and I told her, "Just for the record, even if we live together, we're not doing some weird, incestuous love triangle, threesome thing. Isabela might love it but no… and furthermore, handsome as Anders might be, he and I aren't about to become lovers."

She had rolled her eyes and tried to stifle a grin, "I wasn't alluding to incest. That's disgusting and just plain wrong." I wasn't particularly comforted by what she was saying and the fact that she hadn't acknowledged my saying that Anders and I weren't about to become lovers made me feel uneasy. Still, she was calm and accepting about everything and I found it hard to pick a bone with her when said bone was non-existent to her. In the end, I settled for, "Thank you, Bethany for loving me so much."

She helped me off the bed and slowly, we went downstairs as she told me, "It is no more than what you've done for me."

Dinner was a loud and rowdy affair, all of us sitting in the dining room, feasting upon succulent meats and sipped on sweet wines. There were plates and plates of food, meats of all kinds sat upon the table as well as mounds of potato and vegetables. There was even a boat of gravy. To my surprise, Leliana had joined us and she had embraced me tightly before settling into the unruly chatter. Had Sebastian been there, it would have been perfect. Even still, almost perfect was better than I had hoped and to have my family there raised my spirits above anything I could have ever imagined. Kirkwall had not been as kind to me without my family, it seemed.

Eventually, we settled into the library for chocolates and liquored coffees. The topic of conversation steered towards more serious things but even still, the atmosphere was friendly and light. Varric had asked me, "So what happened in your sleep?"

I leaned into the back of my armchair and had replied, "I was stuck in the Fade. It was strange, when I used to dream of being in the Fade, my actions weren't so conscious, they weren't so sharp. This time, it was like I was actually living in the Fade. I walked from one piece of the Fade into another. Somehow, I found myself in a realm where only spirits of justice and compassion and love and faith existed and there, I felt no chaos. Everything was peaceful and calm. I forgot about the real world. I forgot that I was in the Fade, I suppose. I learnt how to change the Fade like a spirit and I guess I became part spirit which was why I looked so…" I made a face and settled for, "grotesque. Then one night, things changed. I don't even know how but the entire Fade kept changing. I felt fear and horror and shock."

"I had Justice do the honours," Anders interrupted.

I nodded, "I gathered as much. He was the only one who could control the Fade and would have done so against my wishes. Then Sebastian was there, right in front of me. I panicked. I ran and ran and he cornered me and I think I was so hell bent on survival that I forgot who he was. He was just an enemy. I ran him through with an ornamental sword."

Everyone was quiet as they listened and I faded into silence too. The fire crackled as the wood hissed and creaked apart. I asked, "He was here, wasn't he?"

They nodded. I told them, "I watched him leave. Father found me lying on the floor."

"Father?" asked Bethany. I nodded, "He took me somewhere, a place he called 'another golden city'. Carver was there. Mother was, too. He took a piece of cloud and poked it and it showed him walking out, telling you lot that you all have duties in Starkhaven."

Everone exchanged looks of wide-eyed surprise whilst Leliana had gasped, "Another golden city? Is that possible?"

"The Maker exists," I announced, "Father said as much. It seems unlikely that he would lie about it. And right before the golden city was a gigantic double gate of golden columns and bars. It was very inviting. I must admit that for a moment, I thought to take the easy way out and walk through those doors. I think it was Carver that reminded me that if something is easy, it probably wasn't worth doing. So, here I am, about to live my life until I grow old and grey and die and when I do, I'll hopefully walk through those gates," I looked at Bethany, "unless as Carver told me, I become 'a complete bitch'."

"So it is true," said Leliana a little emotional from my announcement, "the Maker brings those faithful to him to his side."

Fenris spoke in his usual timbre, "There is more. I can sense it."

I hesitated for a moment, "Father showed me a brief glimpse into the future. I didn't _see_ much but I heard my own children. Two of them. If I can win Sebastian over, then…"

They understood, nodding their heads. Isabela called out, "That's easy. Sex!"

"I don't know, Isabela," I rubbed my forehead, "I did run him through with a sword."

She shrugged, "He's a man."

"Funnily enough, that's what my mother said," I revealed. "Speaking of Sebastian," I asked, "when are you all going home?"

Aveline stood from her street in an outrage, "We're not going anywhere! That Prince can shove a canary up his coalmine!"

I told her, "You all have duties there and Kirkwall isn't home to you anymore. There's nothing here for you in Kirkwall. Not to mention, it's only been a few months. Starkhaven is in sore need of you and with all of you here, with me… I can't help thinking trouble will be brewing."

It was true. I had an odd sort of feeling in my bones like drama was going to happen. I would have thought with the Qunari gone and Meredith gone, things would settle down but I could feel it, bubbling just under my skin. Something was going to happen. No matter what, I could not put the character of Goran Vael aside. There was something sneaky and rat-like about him and it would be very typical of him to start problems in Starkhaven without someone to watch over him carefully. I was concerned.

Isabela told me, "Well, not _all_ of us have proper duties in Starkhaven."

I argued, "Fenris does, the entire Templar Order is without their Knight-Commander. Aveline is Guard-Captain. Merrill, Anders and Bethany are all teaching at the Circle. Varric oversees a lot of the rebuilding and the commerce transactions. Even you help out with trade and things."

She shrugged, "Sure but what about you? Kirkwall is in shambles at the moment, pet. I wouldn't trust the nobles in Kirkwall any more than I could throw them. They're even slimier than the ones in Starkhaven. That's saying something. I mean, in the two weeks you've been sleeping, we've done a lot of work on your behalf but it isn't enough. You'll need manpower, Hawke."

"Wait," I double-backed, "What have you all done?"

She waved her hand, "We can talk about that later. The point is we're not just leaving you alone to deal with this mess."

Merrill chirped, "You're going to be Viscountess! We can't just leave!"

Leliana had nodded, "The Divine has written a proclamation under her seal that you are to be the next Viscountess. She has already left for Orlais one week ago and told me to leave you this," she handed me a letter.

Inside was her decree that I was to be made the Viscountess of Kirkwall and a personal letter to me. I read it aloud,

"To Lady Hawke,

Along with this letter was attached my decree that you should be made the next Viscountess. I do not believe you will have any troubles regarding your ascension to your new title. Even still, I hoped to write you a letter of support and thanks.

As The Divine, it has often come down to my title and threatening position before things are done properly. It was refreshing to see a young lady step forward and do what is best for a city rather than for herself, and even more impressive was how you could do such a task successfully and consecutively between two cities.

I have been told much about you in my stay in Kirkwall, from Elthina, from Nicholas and from Leliana. I must say that if I were to put my faith in someone for the sake of Kirkwall, I could have chosen no one else but you. I do not know whether your plans for Kirkwall will succeed and if they do not, I am afraid that a declaration of holy war would be inevitable. Still, I want you to know that your friends as well as you will be kept safe. I would not see any of your family injured.

I also hope that you and young Sebastian find a way through the darkness. From what Nicholas has told me, both you and he are very well matched. I wish you all the best.

May the Maker watch over you, child.

Divine Justivia V"

Our group fell silent. I wasn't entirely sure what I had expected when Leliana had given me the letter but it all seemed anti-climatic and the fact that I was now in charge of the city had not yet absorbed.

I muttered incomprehensibly, "I'm Viscountess now."

Everyone nodded.

"I'm ruling Kirkwall."

They nodded again.

"And if things don't work out, The Divine will send soldiers to kill everyone."

Still, they nodded. Leliana told me, "Her Grace spent much time reading through the policies you have written up. She is in agreement with all of them. Her Grace was surprised that you were willing to give mages so much freedom but because it had worked once before in Starkhaven, she thought it was worth trying in Kirkwall before turning to extreme measures."

I sat forward, leaning on my knees, "I get the feeling ruling Kirkwall might be even more difficult than ruling Starkhaven."

"I wouldn't say that," said Aveline, "Most of it will be preparation work. Once that's over, the city will be able to rule itself. You wouldn't be required to do much more than some administration work now and again. It's just the revitalising of the city that will be painful."

I told her, "That isn't much comfort, Aveline."

Inside, I felt like we were totally doomed.

* * *

><p>AN: How does a woman of only noble birth rule a city when she's never done it before? She's had some practice thanks to Starkhaven but she's really learning on the job. Find out what happens next!

Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	17. Seventeen Noble Families

**Chapter 17: Seventeen Noble Families**

We chattered in the night about nonsensical things, laughing about trivial matters yet my heart still ached a little. Knowing that Sebastian and I could have a wonderful future was comfort enough but it wasn't happening immediately. I needed him in that very instant and I knew that much time would have to pass before he and I even had the opportunity to see one another considering how much I had to do in Kirkwall. When time turned to a late hour, everyone found rooms to share in the estate and Leliana left for the Chantry but I was not yet ready for sleep. A lack of Sebastian had me unhappy. I tried to write a letter but I couldn't word everything I felt. I didn't know how to tell him. The fire crackled as I thought, leaving only me, Anders and Bethany in the library. Bethany had risen to the door with Anders and she called out, "Hales? Aren't you coming to bed?"

It was in that last moment that I had only five words in my head for him.

"Sebastian,

Forgive me. I love you.

Hales"

I put the letter on the table where Bodahn would know to send it the next morning when he woke up and after I scratched Widge behind his ears, the three of us went up to bed. I undressed, pulling on another nightgown before slipping into bed. That night, Anders lay in the middle and I curled into his shoulder as Bethany curled on his chest. I had to wonder how he managed to sleep but he seemed more than content to sleep with two armfuls of women so I never bothered asking.

During the next week, everyday seemed to be another rowdy festival or celebration in Kirkwall. There was a whole day spent upon my coronation. I had been sitting in my room at the estate, staring at myself in the mirror. I felt nervous, jumpy and anxious. Staring at myself, I couldn't help but wonder if that was even me in the mirror. The silken robes of green and grey looked awful and if it weren't for the fact that Seneschal Bran had insisted upon Kirkwall colours, I would have been more than happy to burn that piece of something that was called "clothing".

It was Nicholas that found me alone in the room. I saw him in the reflection of the mirror and he had smiled at me. I rose from my velvet seat and took a deep breath. He comforted me, "You look every part the Viscountess. Are you ready?"

I shook my head, "No, Nicholas. I'm not. I never thought I'd really end up being Viscountess and what's more, I never thought I would ever have to go through such a day without him."

Nicholas shook his head and put his hands upon my shoulder. He told me, "You should not doubt yourself. Sebastian is a fool for being so angry and for running like this. Did he think you would run into his arms the second after he overloaded your being with emotion after you'd gone so long without it?"

I shrugged, "I'm not sure what he expected but whatever it was, it wasn't a sword through his chest. Even still, I hope that there is a day when he and I will find a way to be together. Kirkwall's repairs will not be done in a day. I know that. And very soon, all of my friends will have to leave for Starkhaven. They cannot stay here. They have duties back home."

He had smiled in a paternal way before leading me back to the mirror. Taking the brush upon the vanity, he dragged it through my hair whilst saying, "You refer to Starkhaven as home."

I smiled at him through the reflection, "As it will always be. When I was in the Fade, I made it look like Starkhaven."

"He never told me that when he ran off angry but in any case, in the time you are here in Kirkwall and your friends return to Starkhaven, remember that I am still here." The brush dragged through another curl and I asked him, "You are staying?"

He nodded in the reflection, "I will be here to help you all the way until you return to Starkhaven. You are my granddaughter. Not officially but if it had to be official, it would never have mattered anyway."

His fingers moved through my hair, braiding the curls expertly and without pause. I smiled, "I am so very blessed."

"As are the people who have your love, child." His fingers continued its work and he commented, "I have the seen the crown. It is small and light, elegant but eye-catching. I am sure you will find it to your tastes. However, it will sit better upon your hair if your hair is braided."

"I must admit," I said with an impertinent grin, "I never thought you would know how to braid hair."

"All the lads in the Vael line have some trick up their sleeve to steal the heart of a woman," he had grinned back unabashed. When he was done, the thick braid was thrown over my left shoulder and his hands fluttered indecisively over my rouge and lip-stains before selecting the gentle pink that I usually wore. I had smiled at his choice and applied it quickly before standing.

"Strong, proud and confident. Yes, you do look every part the Viscountess," said Nicholas as he offered an elbow for my hand.

With a last look in the mirror, the woman that stared back at me smiled when I did. Yes, I was ready. My hand curled into the crook of his elbow and together, we strolled towards Viscount's Keep. There, my friends waited and each had smiled in encouragement as together, as a group, we walked into the Keep.

The nobles waited in the Throne Room and when Seneschal Bran was alerted of my arrival, he had the nobles upon their feet and my friends at the front of the Throne Room where Grand Cleric Elthina stood with Leliana. When the signal was given, I floated into the room with my head held high.

I spoke my vows to protect Kirkwall to the best of my ability and to never fall prey to corruption. I spoke my vows of strength and love, to guide Kirkwall's citizens to the path of good and just.

Elthina then said, "It has been tradition in Kirkwall for the Grand Cleric to chant the Canticle of Transfigurations 12:1 – 12:6 but I believe a new change has arrived for Kirkwall and as such, it deserves no less than another verse," and so she chanted, "Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. In their blood the Maker's will is written."

It was a fitting verse to apply upon me for my faith in the Maker had been recently restored, thanks to my father. I had smiled to her and she too, could not stifle the beam of kindness that painted across her face. She had told me, "Kneel, child," before placing the crown upon my head. It was a small and simple crown of pure silver without any ceremony or intricate design. It was simply a silver ring with three peaks at the front adorned by glittering jewels.

I stood and turned as Elthina announced, "May I present Lady Hawke, The Champion of Kirkwall now as the Viscountess of Kirkwall."

It had been such a stupendous moment. It was a moment of pride. A moment where I realized that being a mage did not mean my talents lay only magic; it lay also in matters of the heart and of life. It was a moment in which I realized that I could do everything I wanted to do, as long as my head and heart were in it.

I had met many nobles that day, one of which was Lady Flora Harimann. I remembered her and she had congratulated me with sincere tone and bright smile. In the days that came, I relied upon her skills to teach me about Kirkwall's nobility and their crafty ways. Flora Harimann became a good friend to me. She told me, "Kirkwall's nobility is basically Starkhaven nobility. A majority of seventeen noble families are shared between the two cities. The only difference is that in Kirkwall, they think they can get away from everything. In Starkhaven, they know they won't which is why their behaviour is much better. I'm sure that will change under your rule."

Flora also told me at some point, "I saw Sebastian in court not long ago. He did not look good without you. He didn't have that calm or patience. He still manages but it's obvious something else is on his mind. I imagine that would be you?"

I had shrugged, not knowing what to say. Flora said, "You could rule in Starkhaven with Sebastian. It'd be the strongest alliance the Free Marches has ever seen and you'd be formidable in the whole of Thedas overall."

I never explained or elaborated the situation but tried to understand and absorb as much as she could tell me.

Every night, I came home exhausted. Every night, I checked my letters. Sebastian never wrote back to me. My friends helped out in matters regarding Kirkwall, apparently they had started whilst I had been asleep. I know that if they had not been around, I simply would have failed in my task.

Aveline had reordered the guards for me. Anyone she ever had doubts about during her time as Guard-Captain in Kirkwall she dismissed. She suggested Lieutenant Harley as Guard-Captain and after a brief interview with the woman as well as the previous experience of fighting by her side, I was happy in the decision to let her lead the guards of Kirkwall. Aveline had spent much time tutoring her in the duties of a Guard-Captain and I trusted Harley. She wasn't Aveline but she would do.

Fenris reordered the Templar Order for me. They already existed. He only had to weed out the suspects. That wasn't so hard. He and Cullen had an in-depth discussion of those who had abused their authority under Meredith's reign and those were serving time in the dungeons or dismissed depending on their crime. I appointed Cullen as Knight-Commander. I had spent enough time with him to know that he was a good man enough. I would never trust him the way I trusted Fenris but once again, he would do.

Bethany helped the mages of the non-existent Circle. She grouped them together, allowed the Senior Enchanters to pick amongst themselves who the First Enchanter should be and lessons resumed in the old Qunari Compound whilst repairs were made to the buildings. I wasn't entirely sure where I wanted the Templars or the mages to be situated but I was certain that I wanted to get rid of the Gallows. The mages were also registered and allowed to go home at night. Almost overnight, a lot of the tension between mages and Templars dissipated.

Once again, just like in Starkhaven, mages were encouraged to report abuse at Templar hands and Templars were kept ordered and strict. I rejected rumours of blood magic. Until there was solid evidence, the Templars were allowed to do nothing.

Varric, oh thank the Maker for Varric. I couldn't believe all the work that he had done. He had plans drawn up for how the Templar Order and the Circle Tower should be built in the place of the Gallows. He had even accounted for the resources that would be required and gave me a list of the potential candidates for contractors who would be right for the job. Varric had even reopened the mines and with a small army of dwarves had cleared out the spiders and other vermin such that citizens had jobs.

Anders added much to Varric's plan, telling me that much of the resources could be found within Kirkwall. He took me to the cliffs and pointed to the bronze statues that lined the way to Kirkwall. He explained that those could be taken down, melted and used in all sorts of buildings. He took me to the Gallows and explained that he had been working on a potion that could reduce a building to rubble in moments; a mix of sela-petrae and drakestone. When I told him that rubble meant weeks of cleaning, he had gone away to do more research, refining the final potion. He told me that if all the mages in Kirkwall could gather together, the potion would not simply cause the building to explode, it would rip away stone by stone, brick by brick and pause in time for a brief moment. If the mages could use the time and their magic wisely, the resources could be collected, stacked and work could begin immediately.

One of my first actions as Viscountess included bringing down the Gallows in its entirety as well as all the vile statues that gave Kirkwall its reputation. It was like a slap in the face upon Kirkwall's history but I felt it was a much needed change and the nobles didn't really care enough to argue.

The explosion was intense. Red streams of power pulled the buildings apart and just as Anders promised, I could see the separation between every brick, stone, wooden plank or any supporting structures. With all the mages working together, the building was pulled apart and the resources were stacked away before the red stream pulsed and detonated.

Elissa and Alistair stayed at Viscount's Keep for two nights along with a horde of Ferelden men who helped clean the streets of Kirkwall, ensuring the streets were spotless and without the splatters of blood. There were also many sacks of grain for the citizens and I couldn't believe how kind Elissa had been to offer aid. Whilst the men worked, Elissa and I had time to observe and discuss matters of trade. I had expressed concern that trade would be somewhat delayed but she had not really cared, telling me that trade would occur when it did. She had been far more interested about Sebastian and I relayed the events of my leaving Starkhaven, Sebastian's refusal in my not becoming Princess, the injury I had been given thanks to Meredith and running Sebastian through with a sword. She looked at me with a conflicted expression and said, "I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. Sebastian was an idiot to run off like that but run him through with a sword? Wow, even I haven't done that."

Alistair had teased, "And you'll _never_ do that."

After about a week and a half, Aveline left Kirkwall for Starkhaven. Sebastian had sent her a letter detailing problems in Starkhaven regarding mercenaries as well as Goran. It seemed my initial fears about Goran could not be chalked up to paranoia. Merrill and Varric left with her and I had waved them all off at the Docks in the morning. I think Merrill really missed her home at the Starkhaven Circle and though she would miss me, she was feeling very homesick. And with Merrill leaving, Varric could only follow. He always did worry about her.

When I returned home that night, I was grumpy and grouchy. Fenris had asked during dinner, "What's bothering you, Valentha?"

"He wrote to Aveline. He couldn't be bothered to write to me." I hated the fact that Sebastian had time to write letters to my companions but not to me. "Surely, an 'I never want to speak to you again' wasn't that hard to write on parchment?"

Nicholas, Isabela and Bethany exchanged quiet looks whilst Fenris and Anders just looked angry.

Fenris then revealed with baleful tone, "I have been sent a letter of summons as well. There have been rumours of unrest caused by Goran. He needs me there. I hate to leave with so many things not yet complete but –"

I shook my head, telling him, "If you stayed till things were complete, it would take very months. Do not waste time here. Go back to Starkhaven," I turned to Isabela, Bethany and Anders, "You should all be in Starkhaven after all this time."

Bethany also revealed, "The First Enchanter did send me a letter too… he wondered when I would be back. There's still a lot of work to be done back home."

"So go," I said simply.

Isabela shook her head, "I'm not going anywhere."

I countered, "I'm not ripping couples apart. Fenris is going. You would let him go home alone?"

Fenris had chuckled, "That is a cheap answer, Valentha. Let me ask you something. Will you come home?"

"In the not too distant future, I hope to," I answered.

"Then do not worry so much. There is nothing to feel sorry about. Isabela and I will have time again when you come back to Starkhaven," he replied.

Bethany and Anders had exchanged a look before he said, "I'm staying, too. You're going to need a healer in case problems come up and I suspect they will. Harley isn't Aveline. Crime is dropping but not as fast as we would have hoped."

I had groaned into my hands and muttered into them, "Beth…"

"Stop!" she said in a shrill tone, "We've covered this! You need help. We're not going to just leave you here to fend for yourself. We can't all be here but the ones that can stay will stay! Stop it!"

Nicholas stayed quiet until then, "You cannot do this alone, lass."

I gave up. There was no point fighting. I needed help.

It was as simple as that.

* * *

><p>AN: Don't worry! Sebastian will be coming back in soon! Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	18. Eighteen Different Kinds of Hell

**Chapter 18: Eighteen Different Kinds of Hell**

**Hales' POV**

I embraced both Fenris and Bethany as the ship readied to haul anchor. There were no tears and no drama. It was more of a 'see you later' than an actual goodbye. As Anders, Isabela, Nicholas and I watched the ship pull from the Docks, sailing away to Starkhaven, I had groaned out in frustration, "I _hate _this."

Isabela threw an arm over my shoulder and had teased, "It's alright. Just get the job done soon and we'll all be in Starkhaven. No pressure, pet."

I threw her an angry glare that softened when she grinned unrepentant, completely unaffected by my expression. Nicholas patted my back and said, "It will not take long now."

But it would take long. I was certain of it. Yes, the Templar Order was truly in _order_. Yes, the mages were content. Yes, crime was dropping. Yes, the citizens were better off than before. Yet, it was not yet even _close_ to good. Darktown was still scurrying with refugees. Lowtown still had crime in the dark of the night. So many people went without occupation, food or shelter. It was abominable. It was unforgivable.

I began allowing fishermen to collect fish from the waters and as such, more food was made available to the public. I gave jobs to many refugees in the process of rebuilding the Circle Tower and the Templar Order. There had been no real movements of disapproval amongst the nobility until I introduced the idea of Darktown being refurbished so that homes could be created.

There were murmurs of discontent. Lord Filean had stood in court one morning and outright rejected the idea, "We should be refurbishing the cracks of Hightown buildings! Darktown is a dirty hovel!"

I had inclined my head, "Precisely the reason why I chose to have it refurbished. Cracked as your Hightown mansion might be, you should be grateful that you at least have a shelter above your head. Unless you'd prefer I ask the refugees to move into your home?"

He shut up after that. Though the movement was passed, the nobles were not particularly pleased. I knew it was just a matter of time before frictions and rivalries sprouted.

Then I introduced the idea of a three tiered system of taxes. Twenty silvers taxed for the first one hundred sovereigns and then thirty silvers taxed for the next one hundred sovereigns and then the highest tier would remain at forty silvers. There was _outrage_.

Starkhaven had a similar tax and they were not happy. I had heard rumours that income earned in Starkhaven would be taxed accordingly and income earned elsewhere would be taxed according to the other city's laws and regulations. Many of the nobles sold their Starkhaven land and bought much in Kirkwall in the hopes of tax evasion. Kirkwall had become the epitome of greed where income earned through unscrupulous means was the norm. I sought an injunction to that path.

My only response was, "This is the law of Kirkwall. If it bothers you so much then leave. Sell your land and allow others to buy it. By living in Kirkwall, you give your consent to obey its laws. I have taken an oath to protect all of Kirkwall's citizens and that includes the deprived, not only the nobility. The money collected will be used to pay for improvements all over the city."

Lord Filean had stood forward and yelled at me, "You do this court an injustice! We are of the noble lines! We have a say in the laws! Give me a reason why I should not withdraw my support!"

My eyes had hardened and my hands had twitched in an attempt to keep myself from throwing a fireball at the man. Instead, I stood imperiously and spoke in a tone that made each and every noble freeze in their seats, "I did not come to sit upon this seat because of _your _support. The support came from The Divine herself. Whilst you have a say in the law, your word is not, under any circumstances, final. However, I shall _indulge_ your request for a reason. The Divine has considered declaring holy war upon Kirkwall. If she does not see improvements in Kirkwall, she will do so. I am _protecting your very skin_ as well as any others who live on this land." My icy look swept along the court and aside from a few loyal families, none dared to meet my eye. "And so, Lord Filean," my eyes turned back to him and I stepped up to him such that we were toe to toe, "you will treat me with the respect that a Viscountess deserves. Are we clear?"

He had bowed and muttered, "I meant no disrespect."

It had been a redundant line yet I made no further comments and the tax policy went ahead without delay. I went back to sit down on my throne and Nicholas murmured in my ear, "Well done."During the days in court, though stressing, Nicholas had been my saving grace. Even his presence gave me strength to see matters through. Though the noble families often fought and argued, I took the advice Sebastian had once given me, "Never let rivalries and resentments flourish," and until the matter was settled, we would not move on.

Still, I went home every night more exhausted than the previous and I think both Isabela and Anders were very worried but there was always so much to deal with and to handle. And as I found out from Flora, much of them had to do with Goran though she had no solid proof. She told me, "There are a lot of problems in both Kirkwall and Starkhaven court and much of it has to do with Goran. He's got alibi and evidence for his defence but… we all know it comes from him."

Nicholas had been very disturbed at the news that Goran's reach could affect the nobles of both Starkhaven and Kirkwall when he was supposed to be a Chantry brother. He was causing much turbulence amongst the court's nobles and I was worried at how far and how long this would go on for. I told Nicholas that he could go back to Starkhaven to help Sebastian but he had flat out refused. He told me that I needed him much more than Sebastian needed him and that was final.

As I joke, I said, "Would you mind looking for that grandson of yours so I can throttle him? He's annoying."

Nicholas had chortled before frowning, "He is my grandson but he was never my favourite. There was always something… not quite right… about him."

I realized that if a grandfather could have such a poor opinion about his own grandson, there was probably a lot to look at for where Goran was concerned. I would not underestimate my enemy. I told Flora to keep an eye on things and try and find evidence as required to incriminate Goran. She had been more than pleased to do so. After all, she had nearly been married to the man and she did not like him any more than I did.

Eventually, there were no more policies to really implement. It had taken one month to fully implement everything but of course, implementing was simple. Rebuilding took much longer. In between though, there were moments of rest where I would read letters sent from Bethany and write a few just like before.

"Hales,

Starkhaven is going through some invisible waves, the worst kind. Goran seems to play the innocent card very well but he is most definitely up to something.

Sebastian's temper hasn't changed for the better either. He's very stressed by all the turbulence amongst the nobles. I found him in front of your painting again and this time, I think he was crying. I heard a few sniffs and when I saw him after, his eyes looked rather red.

I hear from Lord and Lady Argeneal that things in Kirkwall are not going so smoothly either. Please take care of yourself. Send Anders my love. Fenris sends Isabela his love.

Bethany"

Hearing Sebastian's misery did not make me feel any better about everything. I prayed, "Maker, bring us together soon." I needed him just as much.

"Bethany,

They send their love. Things are going. It has been difficult. For some reason, the noble families in Kirkwall are extra slimy despite the fact that Starkhaven and Kirkwall share those very same families. I don't really understand.

The refurbishment of Darktown was just passed. The nobles weren't so happy about that.

I love you, sister.

Hales"

"Hales,

There are rumours of mercenary uprisings in Starkhaven but no real evidence of such. The Circle is going well and most of the repairs are actually finished. I also heard today that you've implemented the same tax system as Starkhaven – you should have seen the look on Sebastian's face. Maker, I think he wanted to jump up and down with pride for you and also sulk because well, you ran him through with a sword. I can't wait for all this drama to end.

You and Anders doing alright without me?

Bethany"

Anders and I were doing alright without her but it wasn't the same. The bed suddenly felt a little emptier without Bethany's presence even though Anders and I spent the nights together. I was glad for his company. Without him, I would surely have tossed myself out of a window from all the stress from dealing with the nobles. I could tell he missed Bethany, too. He would sulk in front of the fireplace until I got home and even then, it wasn't a heartfelt smile. He missed her sweetness, her sunshine and her smile. And without her, I felt like a piece of me was missing, too.

That being said, he had duties during the day. He helped a lot of the mages and helped coordinate the Circle's rebuilding. Some days, he seemed just as exhausted as I felt and Kirkwall had a way of sucking the life and soul from the people within. Starkhaven was different. Where Starkhaven was filled with life and wonder, Kirkwall was filled with death and greed. Where Starkhaven was filled with love and excitement, Kirkwall was filled with dread and fear. The new nations could be even be compared.

Isabela… well, she was always a resilient one but even she missed Fenris. It had felt like a very long month. Thirty days passed like a year and whether lacking sex or Fenris or both, she never seemed as chipper as before. I had been surprised by her faithfulness to Fenris, she did not seem like the sort to mix love and sex. One could exist without the other but even so, it was like without Fenris, there was no excitement in sex anymore. I couldn't help my guilty heart. However, she had some time to spend with me. Because I had flat out refused a bodyguard, Isabela and Widge became my constant companions. She did not mind so much and we always enjoyed each other's company.

It wasn't until one autumn morning after court, Nicholas had escorted me to the estate and I had truly wanted reprieve and isolation. I was sick to death of dealing with petty problems when there were matters of life and death. I asked him, "Is it always this bad?"

He answered honestly, "No. Kirkwall is particularly disgusting." After a pat on the head, he told me, "Take the day off. I can see to the problems if anything comes up."

I decided upon the Wounded Coast. It was a day needed for complete isolation. I went alone. It wasn't smart.

As I strolled along the sandy beaches, I couldn't help but feel as though someone was watching me. I turned but no one was there. I called out, "Isabela?" She always followed me. Even when I insisted on being alone, she would use her rogue talents and follow me around to ensure I was safe. There was no answer. I was alone. Even still, there was something at the back of my mind niggling at me, warning me that I was not safe.

I heeded the warning too late.

A blow to my head and my vision turned black. In the last moments of consciousness, I threw my staff within a nearby bush, hoping that whoever came for me would know I was here last.

* * *

><p><strong>Nicholas' POV<strong>

It had been a fairly uneventful day after escorting Hales home. Poor lass, she was up to her neck with noble politics and I knew she wasn't faring well. It was inevitable. The lass never had any political training; she only had a good heart. I prayed to the Maker that it would be enough.

Problems didn't strike until almost dinner time. I was readying myself to leave for Hawke Estate when a young boy carried a note for me. When I opened it, my blood ran cold.

"I have the Viscountess. Tell your grandson to give up his seat and she returns unharmed."

I recognized the script. Goran. The blocky, cursive that I had tutted him over during all the years of his childhood was easily identifiable. I understood what was happening. Until a Prince was married, there was no true coronation. Said Prince was a ruler but not officially titled 'Prince'. He could be unseated through politics unlike a true Prince who had endured the coronation ceremony – that Prince would have to be unseated through war. That was the custom in Starkhaven.

I ran for Hawke Estate.

Anders was horrified and Justice was beyond vengeful. Their magic combined and glowed, lighting the dark corners of the estate with pure, blue power.

Isabela's POV

I never left Hawke. I would never leave her alone. With all the rumours of unrest that circulated Kirkwall's court, I could never leave her to fend for herself. She was a powerful mage but she was still just _one_ mage. It was only at night that she did not leave my watchful eyes and during that time, Anders took over.

When she called out, I didn't answer. I wanted her to really feel alone. When a fresh breeze came through, I became distracted. It wasn't really my fault! How could I have known a beefy mercenary would knock her out like that? It was brutish, amateurish and totally crude.

I watched her throw her staff into the bush. Smart girl. She wanted to alert someone of her disappearance. I would have fought for her but there had been too many men. A dozen at the very least. I did no one any favours by getting caught. So, I followed them into the afternoon until I worked out where she was being held.

The men said it. Birch Hill, a code name for a hovel between the very borders between Starkhaven and Kirkwall. I didn't really want to leave her alone but if I had any hope of rescuing her, I would need Anders amongst others. I ran for Hawke Estate to alert Anders.

Night had fallen by the time I arrived. Nicholas held out a note and told me it was Goran's script. I felt my fists clench for Hawke and Sebastian. If _anything_ happened to her, I would do more than just castrate Goran.

"Birch Hill," I told them, "They have some kind of hideout up there. That's all I could find out."

Nicholas sent word to Sebastian, penning in a note that Hawke was held by Goran's men in Birch Hill. I just hoped Sebastian cared enough to do something.

Once he was done, the three of us took horses and rode to Birch Hill but even that, was a full day's ride.

* * *

><p><strong>Sebastian's POV<strong>

I was livid. The note from my Grandfather was crushed in my hand. No wonder Goran had gone missing! He had taken Hales and hid her in Birch Hill! I summoned our group and told them about Hales' kidnapping.

Bethany turned white. Varric's jaw dropped. Merrill had cried out with "Oh no!" Fenris snarled. Aveline said, "We're going for her. Now!"

We left for the borders of Starkhaven and Kirkwall. Whatever this "Birch Hill" was, we found find it and destroy any in our path.

* * *

><p><strong>Hawke's POV<strong>

I faded in and out.

I was at the back of a caravan and alone. Pain throbbed and I touched my head. No blood. Just a throbbing pain. It had been a few months for my head. Aside from the blow at the back of my head, I remained untouched. Thank the Maker. I tried to focus upon my surroundings but my vision was fuzzy and clouded. I saw pieces of coarse, sack clothing hiding me from sight, flung along the top of the caravan and along the sides. I chanced a peek. Too many mercenaries. We were on some kind of track, some kind of hiking track on a hill. I tore a piece of my dress and very carefully, poked it over the side of the caravan, between two pieces of sack cloth. I held my breath. No one noticed.

Then my heart started thudding and I couldn't keep my eyes open. Sleep overwhelmed me.

The next time I woke up the caravan was coming to a stop. I instinctively tore a piece of material from my dress yet again. I heard noises and shuffling. I lay down and closed my eyes, feigning sleep. A rough hand groped my ankle and dragged me down. Still, I feigned sleep and stifled the yelp. When my body was out, he threw me over his shoulder and as my hand dragged over the edge of the caravan, I left a piece of telling cloth. It was night. Sleep overcame me.

I woke up again early morning. We were still on a marked out track. Where could we be? I had no idea. I opened my eyes but saw nothing but the mercenary's hip. As his arm swayed, I noticed that there were no men behind him. I toed off a shoe. Sleep besieged me.

A few hours later, I woke up. I toed off my other shoe just as sleep inundated me.

It was as though something poked at me, kept me awake for a time enough to loosen a piece of clothing before pushing me headlong back into sleep. I wasn't sure what it was and I never did find out but I was grateful.

The last time I woke up I found the energy to stay awake. I was sitting on the floor of a dirty hovel, leaning against a bloodstained wall. I was half alone. The room was large and L shaped. I was in one part of the room where the light was down. The other part of the room was lit up by candles and firelight and I heard men talking.

"You don't think she's dead, do you? She hasn't woken up at all in the three days?"

"Nah… she's still breathing. That being said, I'm disappointed the Viscountess doesn't have more fight. I mean, come on, she's the woman who killed the Arishok. I expected a little more…_spirit_."

Rapist, I thought with anger and I tried to summon some of my mana. I felt it drained from me and as I looked down, I knew why. The shackles upon my wrists were the ones Templars used to drain magic. Cowards!

There was a smack. "Boss said we weren't to touch her!"

There was a sick guffaw, "She's such a pretty little thing… I wonder if she has any scars or if she's as _soft _and pliant as she looks."

There was a deep voice from the corner, "Your funeral, pal. You know who the boss is. He can make trouble for you. Keep it in your pants and at the very least, you'll get paid."

"Fine. Fine."

I breathed a sigh of relief but I had to wonder who the boss was. Someone powerful. A noble? Lord Filean did not like me one bit but I couldn't see him stooping down to kidnapping. The nobles knew of The Divine's power and command. They wouldn't try anything until Kirkwall was safe. It had to be someone else. Someone who did not understand who backed my ascension.

I kept my eyes closed and tried to restore my energies. I would find a way to escape and when I did… they would pay the _ultimate_ price.

* * *

><p><strong>Sebastian's POV<strong>

We were wasting time and I couldn't help the frantic feeling that grew within me. Starkhaven was simply too vast and its borders too massive. Yes, the city was concentrated but Starkhaven's reach included much of the surrounding rural lands. Beyond the Vimmark Mountains, Kirkwall's reach was a little further off and though there were hills that lined the borders between the two cities, I had found no real hideout.

It had been a complete accident that we had even bumped into Grandfather along with Isabela and Anders.

"Have you found her?" I asked frantically and with much panic.

They shook their heads. Grandfather said, "We are at the borders. I recognize this stretch of land."

I looked around me. These were the hills that lined our borders but "Where is Birch Hill?" I asked.

Isabela explained, "From what I heard, they were referring to some kind of small shack near some tracks that had already been marked out."

Two things came to me at once. One, Isabela had _watched_ Hales been taken and had done _nothing_! And the second, I quickly forgot as I bellowed, "You knew! Why didn't you fight them?"

Isabela shoved at me, "There were too many of them! If I fought them, I would have been taken and who would have told all of you where she was, huh?"

Grandfather came between us, "Let's not fight. We all want to get Hales safely so let's focus upon that. There are hiking trails that were specifically marked out for Starkhaven citizens when my father ruled. They are kept to this day."

That was the second thing that I suddenly remembered. My brother had taken me upon those trails before I became a part of the Chantry! I knew where she was being kept!

I ran, "Come on! I know this trail!"

It was dark but I could still make out a path. With Bethany and Anders' glowing from their staves, I quickly found a large scrap of material upon the side of the road. A scrap of periwinkle blue.

Isabela confirmed, "That's hers. She was wearing that colour this morning."

As we raced, we found a caravan with another telltale scrap of periwinkle blue. It taunted me in the nightlight, a reminder of what I had lost and what I was about to lose. It spurred me on.

We found a shoe. Then another. I was prepared to sprint along the trail when Isabela and Fenris pulled me short. They pointed to the trees and greenery. Anders directed the light towards that area and I saw what they saw. The greenery had been trampled over, many branches were broken and leaves were lying flat upon ground. We ran for the new trail.

* * *

><p><strong>Hales' POV<strong>

There was a knock at the door. I didn't see anything but I heard.

"We received reports of suspicious activity. You will stand aside and let us pass."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been found! There was some struggle, sounds of swords clashing and shields butting into another.

My relief came too soon.

"Stand down!" My heart sunk into the ground and beyond.

Goran.

After all this time, I still recognized the slightly-too-high pitched voice of his. It was edgy and unsmooth, each tone almost slurring into his next. This was not good. I heard his heavy, booted footsteps as he stalked into the room without doubt. His eyes turned on me and seeing me awake, his expression turned into one of fake sincerity, he had cooed, "Oh oh oh… my dear… what have they done to you?"

He kneeled by my side and his hands rubbed at my arms. I shivered in disgust but he seemed to take this as a good sign. He whispered as though intimate with me, "Let me share my coat". He pulled it off his shoulders and wrapped it around me. I felt violated.

I pretended to be weak and helpless, "You… did not do this to me?"

His expression was shocked, "No! Of course not! I would never do this to you! I came to rescue you, my sweet. It was _Sebastian_."

I never believed him. Sebastian, no matter how he hated me, would never commit crimes of kidnapping nor hit me over the head. I did not speak and Goran tried to convince me, "He was displeased with you for stealing Starkhaven's policies and sought to have you removed from the court."

That didn't make sense either. Sebastian would never begrudge my using his policies when I had played a part in their creation. Still, I saw the situation for what it was. An opportunity and as my mother had once said, men cave when a beautiful woman wavers. I would pretend to believe him. I would pretend and then escape.

I lifted the shackles from my hands and whispered as though upset, "They hit me."

His eyes turned gleeful at my seemingly willing surrender. He forgot himself. Goran was a simple man to bewitch, it seemed and he muttered, "They will pay for their crimes," whilst lifting the keys to my shackles from his _very own pocket_.

That was the action that condemned him. If I had any doubts before, they were all gone. How could Goran hold the keys to my release if he claimed to be my rescuer?

I pretended to sob, "My head hurts so much." It wasn't a lie and I had to stall for time whilst my mana restored itself without being constantly drained. I whined and pleaded, "Tell me it isn't true. I loved him! Why would he do this to me?"

Goran lifted me to my feet and patted my shoulder with false sympathy, "He was not the man you believed. He was always a clever actor."

I felt my mana regenerate but it wasn't enough. Without a staff, I needed much more mana before attempting to use magic. My arms fell to my sides and as Goran attempted to comfort me, I subtly touched the outside of my thigh where the dagger Sebastian had given me was strapped upon my leg. Gone. Damn it, one of the mercenaries had it.

I pretended to wipe my crocodile tears and whispered, "What happens now?"

Goran had shrugged, "I suppose Sebastian must be asked to answer for his crimes."

I felt the mana restore more and more quickly as fury spurred me on. Goran would pay for the things he was saying. Goran would _die_ for what he did to me. Seeing my dark expression, he told me, "You should support me for my reclaiming the throne. It would be mutually beneficial," he leered at me, taking advantage of my state of weakness.

I could not pretend anymore and shoved him away. "No!" I had cried as electricity pooled in my palms. It was instinctive. It was pure reflex.

Power flooded through my veins. Magic fuelled me. Lightening unfurled. Gusts of wind smashed the windows open and piece of piece, the entire shack disintegrated. With a scream, I slammed my palms upon the floor and it was like a tsunami of energy pulsed from me causing the entire hovel to crumble into pieces.

"Kill her!" Goran screamed before he ran. As swords and shields readied around me, I raised my hands to the sky.

It was as though the Maker himself was responding to my call. Thunder rumbled. Lightening flashed. I had felt hatred combine with the power that swamped my body. It was like I had a never ending source of energy to tap into. Electricity expanded from my body like a sphere before each vein of lightening exploded. Each vein became whips, carving and slicing through flesh and metal alike as though it was soft butter. I closed my eyes to the violence, revelling only in the sensation of power pushing itself in and out of me. They did not hurt me. The lightening was like a gentle tingle along my spine, a soft tickle at the soles of my feet and a tender quiver on the sides of my neck.

* * *

><p><strong>Sebastian's POV<strong>

Thunder rumbled and then lightening lighted up the sky. It was a beacon that would lead us to her, I was sure of it. We reached a clearing hiding a small shack, surrounded by mercenaries as well as other guards. I signalled for movement just as the shack imploded.

"No!" I screamed but it fell upon deaf ears. The scene unfolded and no one could move from shock. Hales was crouched upon the dirty floor, her palms slammed against the floor. It was like energy, a dark sapphire blue energy, was pulsing from her body and as she stood, her hands were raised to the sky.

Lightening ignited from her body and each flicker became thick, wiry strips that vibrated with power and thrashed all about the room like slicing swords. There was no fight to be had. Hales seemed to have it all under control. Though her eyes were closed, no enemy came within two feet of her. They were all sliced open before they reached her. The sight was sickening. Pieces of organs lay on the floor, blood splattered with stomach-churning noises and I don't think anyone could have identified bodies because they were all diced up like vegetables.

Then it was all over. Hales looked around her, her face the expression of disorientation. Her eyes were searching, searching and searching. It was as though she wasn't seeing the blood or the bodies or the organs. She was still in shock and I was certain that adrenaline had been pumping through her veins too much for her to even notice what violence she had caused. Hales' hands wrapped around a glint of silver on the broken wooden table and from a distance, I could tell that it was the dagger I had given her. She still kept it with her. More shock was piled to my mind. As she brushed the dagger as though it was the last piece of sanity that she had left, she raised it to her lips and I could hear her as she whispered, looking up into the sky, "Thank you, Maker."

It was then that strength left her. It was then that she found herself standing in a pool of blood. It was then that she registered the disaster she was standing in. Her face turned green. Still, none of us dared to approach her. Though no one ever admitted it, we were all deathly afraid that she could turn on us, slicing us apart. Then she looked up, saw us, took two steps from the disintegrated house and wavered. She whispered, "I don't feel so good."

Bethany had been the first to recover from the shock. She ran forward to try to catch her. They both rolled onto the ground. Thankfully, they rolled upon grass, rather than upon pools of blood. As the rest of us still surveyed the scene with dropped jaws, Anders ran to Hales, cradling her to his body. Though he hid her face and torso from view, I could visibly see the rest of her body shaking. He hushed and it was not until she retched, all of us swarmed around her. Bethany held her hair as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

The overall mood improved until Hales clung to Anders like a child, her voice trembling in fear, "Don't go. I don't know. Please. Anders. Anders. Anders." She repeated his name and he held her to his body.

I couldn't take the harsh truth. Even in her most vulnerable moment, it had been Anders' name that she had cried out. She never looked at me. She never spoke to me. She never asked for me. Rain suddenly poured and I couldn't think. Rain poured and I desperately wanted to wash myself clean of the drug she was in my system.

I found myself on my horse. I found the horse rearing.

I found myself riding back to Starkhaven.

Alone.

* * *

><p>AN: Wow. That was a massive chapter. Anyway, tell me what you guys think! Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	19. Nineteen Angels Watching Over Me

**Chapter 19: Nineteen Angels Watching Over Me**

**Nicholas' POV**

Foolish boy. What had he expected her to do, run into his arms after committing the violence she did? He seemed to do expecting some kind of happily ever after ending in all the worst situations possible. I'd be worried if she had reacted well and happily. Deep down, I suspected that he knew the truth – he could never love her if she thought what she had done was somehow acceptable.

Sebastian had a penchant for jealousy. It has always been his flaw. Even in such a situation, his pride could not help but rear its ugly head. Surely it was not so hard to understand that in the days that had passed, Anders had been her closest? What had he expected? That she cries out his name when he had never even been beside her?

All this aside, I was grateful for Hales' powers. Thank the Maker that he had helped her in her time of need. I would have rather her commit such an unimaginable violence than come out worse for wear. At least she was safe and she was capable of looking after herself. I would never judge her for what she did. I had been shocked and disgusted but not by her; I had been disgusted by the scene in general.

The rain poured down, clearing Hales' mind and tortured soul. Somehow, she found the strength to unfurl her hands from around Anders' neck after babbling incessantly. Sitting in the dirt, she seemed recovered enough to mutter in vain disgust, "I have blood all over me. It's gross."

That had been the reprieve everyone had been looking for. Isabela had been particularly relieved that Hales was _mostly_ undamaged and had managed a chuckle. Varric patted Hales on the leg with ginger hands, "You're going to be alright."

"I don't know what happened. It just happened. I didn't mean for things to go so unforgivably wrong," it was a broken murmur and she sounded so defeated, my heart broke for her.

We had no words of comfort and each exchanged glances with another. It was Isabela who came up with the words to save Hales, "You needed to survive. That's all you need to remember. You didn't hurt these people for fun. You did it because you had to survive. That's all."

Hales nodded and I breathed another sigh of relief. This would not end Hales. She had strength left for much more. She had to get married, have children, watch them grow up… she had a future. This would not to be the end.

Then without looking up, she whispered, "He left."

Foolish boy, I thought. If he had only waited. She was calling out for him now, was she not? She was aching for his comfort, no? If I did not love the lad so much, I would have punched him for her sake. Even then, I hoped to smack some sense into him.

Without help, Hales rose upon unsteady feet. Drenched with rainwater, she looked towards the sky. She begged, "Please don't tease me with glimpses of what I can never have again. Please…"

Everyone exchanged looks of heartbreak for Hales. We all stood beside her and even within the storm of emotions she must have surely felt, she clung onto some thread of calm she always seemed to possess. With a hand through her slippery hair, she said, "I am going _ho-,_" she had tried to emphasize the word 'home' but even in light of Sebastian's abandonment, she could not bring herself to refer to home as anywhere but Starkhaven. I almost smiled.

She cursed and then tried back, "I'm going back to Kirkwall."

Fenris had touched her arm in comfort, "Aren't you coming _home_?" He emphasized the word, too. He knew its significance as did we all.

She shook her head with her back to us, "I don't think that opportunity will ever come to pass, Fenris."

It was her resigned tone that had determination snapping within me. Sebastian and Hales were well matched for each other and I would not have anything, not even Sebastian's pride or Hales' resigned nature deter that from occurring. I spoke with gestures. I poked at Anders and Bethany simultaneously before gesturing to me and Hales before pointing in the direction of Kirkwall. I gestured to the rest of them and pointed towards Starkhaven whilst motion with my hands that I would write a letter to them soon.

There were no protests. Everyone knew that though each was family enough to Hales, she needed her sister and Anders the most because they had been with her the longest. I gave Anders a pointed look and he cleared his throat, "Bethany and I will go to Kirkwall with you. The rest of them can go to Starkhaven. We'll work out something once we're out of the rain."

Hales nodded once without turning. Aveline ordered, "Alright, the four of you take four horses. We'll sort out the rest of us."

It was only then that Hales turned. Her expression softened and whilst she did not smile, it was as close as she would have gotten to one, given the situation. She said through the rain, "I'll see you soon."

I had to wonder where she was getting all this strength from but one look in her eye told me everything. Her heartbreak kept her awake. Her heartbreak spurred her on. There was a risky glint in her eye that I couldn't help but worry over and as she climbed onto her horse, she took off at breakneck speed towards the direction of Kirkwall and my greatest fears were brought to life.

If her heartbreak wasn't cured soon, Hales would recklessly live her life until she broke.

Foolish boy.

* * *

><p><strong>Hales' POV<strong>

In the rain, I felt free. In the rain, I felt liberated. But good things never last long. When the sun threatened to rise, the rain ceased. Then my horse slowed. It had run for miles and its body shook from exhaustion. I shook my head at myself; I had been a cruel mistress.

I slipped from the horse's back and moved to face it, caressing its velvet nose. Its breath huffed through its nostrils and I placed my face against its nose, closing my eyes. Eventually, its front legs curled and it lay down to rest. I had pushed the poor thing too hard. I gently followed suit, sitting upon the grass and leaning into its warmth.

I heard the sound of galloping horses nearing but did not panic. It was only Nicholas, Anders and Bethany. When Bethany sat beside me, my eyes began to droop. I whispered, "I'm so tired."

Nicholas answered, "Rest, child. You need it."

I fell into dreamless sleep and did not rise until the gentle rocking of the horse woke me. I was sitting upon the horse and it was walking along some open fields. I was slumped against its head and its mane tickled my nose. It was early afternoon. I yawned, stretched and looked around me. Everyone was just allowing the horses to stroll in the general direction of Kirkwall.

"How are you feeling?" asked Bethany

"Better," I said. I felt normal physically. I was completely fine. I rubbed my forehead with my fist as a thought popped into my mind, "He was there, last night."

Nicholas looked at me with sympathetic eyes, "Yes, he was."

I blinked in confusion. I had not been referring to Sebastian. I was talking about Goran. I shook my head, "No. Goran. He was there. He ran. I forgot."

They did not look surprised. I said, "Goran kidnapped me."

"We know," said Anders, "Isabela followed you when you were taken and Nicholas received a note in Goran's very handwriting."

Nicholas supplied, "It was not signed but I recognized the writing. It said that the Viscountess was taken and that she would be returned unharmed if Sebastian stepped down from the seat."

I remained quiet. Bethany suggested, "Let's ride a little faster. We'll never get to Kirkwall at this pace."

We reared our horses and galloped all the way back to the outside of the city for almost two days straight. In Kirkwall, we slowed our horses and gently led them at a slow pace back to the barracks, the other side of Viscount's Keep. In the time that I had been away, problems had apparently not ceased.

Elthina and Leliana were within the Throne Room trying to diffuse a situation. It was then I remembered that there was to be court that morning, something I had completely missed and forgotten about. I could hear the yells from across the corridor and guards actually stopped and stared as I walked past. I was certain that I looked a dreadful mess.

"The Viscountess has gone missing! The dwarf, Bodahn, has told us as much. It has been almost a week. If she was alive, the guards we've sent would have found her by now." I recognized the hateful voice. Lord Filean. The bane of my existence.

"It is high time, Grand Cleric that we choose another Viscount!"

There was outrage in the Throne Room, votes of who should be picked and arguments of why they were unsuitable. Anger tore through me. Rage yanked at every nerve. Wrath sailed through my mind. So infuriated was I that I shoved the double doors that led to the Throne Room so hard, they bounced against the marble walls with a loud crash that smothered the sounds of the nobles.

Everyone stared in shock.

"That will _not_ be necessary," I had snarled. I had reached my last nerve. I had reached the last of my tolerance and patience.

Elthina had stood and gasped, "Viscountess! You look-"

"A frightful mess, I'm sure." Even still, I managed a tight smile to her before addressing the crowd. "I was kidnapped by Goran Vael and a band of mercenaries. I am back. There is no need to start arguing over who will be the next Viscount."

Lord Fineal was white with shock at my sneers. He had stuttered, "We have problems, Viscountess that need resolving," and handed me a stack of parchment. I flick through them. Territorial disputes. Money owed between families. More territorial disputes. Marriage arrangement problems. Tax evasions. There were all noble family issues, petty issues, stupid issues and I _lost _it.

I threw the parchment against the wall and yelled, "Enough! I will not tolerate any more of your petty nonsense!"

The nobles jumped and my tirade continued, "All of you live in Kirkwall. The laws apply. There are no loopholes, there are no stealthy ways to avoid the law and they will be _NO MORE OF THIS PETTY STUPIDITY!"_

"Now," I said in a genial tone, "money owed that can be evidenced through contract and paper must be repaid. There will be no more territorial disputes. Each mansion has been marked through plans and papers of whether the space is yours or not. I do not care if you _need_ more space. If you need more space then buy another mansion. Marriage arrangements cannot occur once the person in question has reached adulthood, an age of eighteen. This is the law. Finally, if I see _anymore_ tax evasions upon any pile of parchment given to me during court," I pointed towards the pieces of scattered parchment, "I will have each of the offending family members thrown into prison. And if all else fails, I will ask The Divine to send her soldiers into Kirkwall to skin each and every one of you alive."

The room became so quiet that if even a pin fell, I was certain it would echo throughout the hall.

"Is that clear?" I asked. No one dared to answer and so I said, "You are all _dismissed_." The nobles all bowed before they trailed out. I slumped into my throne.

Anders commented, "Wow. I don't think I've ever seen you lose it that badly."

His comment was so disparaging that I broke into a wry grin, "I don't remember ever losing it that badly."

Elthina placed a comforting hand on my back, "What happened, child?"

Bethany explained for me, "She was taken by mercenaries sent by Goran Vael. They kept her in a hovel upon a hill which lies in the borders of Kirkwall and Starkhaven."

I elaborated, "Goran attempted to play hero by telling me that Sebastian had set the whole thing up. I didn't believe him, of course but I had to pretend because he was unshackling me from those fetters that Templars use to drain mana. He fled the scene when I began to attack the mercenaries."

Leliana spoke, "I believe you but if we declare Goran as an enemy of the state without evidence… that would end poorly."

Nicholas said, "I have his letter that is written in his handwriting at the Hawke Estate."

I shook my head, "That won't be good enough. Only you would recognize the handwriting and the nobles might not believe you because they think you're on Sebastian's side. We'll just have to be extra careful from now on but I don't believe he'll strike again anytime soon. He'll be in hiding, attempting to find help," I groaned and put my head into my hands, "I just want to go back to the estate and sleep until the world makes sense again."

Bethany sat on the arm of the throne and stroked my hair with gentle hands. She murmured, "I hope that does not take long. You really need some time off."

Leliana looked miserable as she said with reluctance, "And I hate to be the bearer of bad news but… that doesn't look like it will be today," she passed a package to Nicholas that bore the Starkhaven crest, "It's addressed for Nicholas."

Like an eager boy opening a Yuletide present, he tore through the paper that was wrapped. Two letters fell out. Nicholas opened one and we watched as his eyes soaked up every word, his eyeballs moving from left to right at such a fast pace that I actually felt dizzy. He smirked and muttered, "Just couldn't help yourself, could you?"

I leaned into Bethany and said, "Sharing's caring."

Nicholas frowned and asked, "Are you sure you want to know?"

I quirked an eyebrow at him and he said, "Here, read this first. It's addressed to you," and handed me the other letter. I looked at the envelope. It was the formal envelop that Sebastian used to issue invitations. I frowned, how could this be for me? Yet, at the front was clearly written in Sebastian's very clear cursive and elegant script, "Viscountess of Kirkwall."

I slipped my thumb through the top and tore through the paper. Inside was a folded invitation. I read it aloud,

"To the Viscountess of Kirkwall,

As Starkhaven's leader, I offer an alliance between my city and yours in the hopes that we will assist and strengthen one another.

I cordially invite you to visit Starkhaven at any time to discuss such agreements between our two nations.

I look forward to your reply.

Regards,

Sebastian Vael  
>Prince of Starkhaven"<p>

The letter fell from my fingers. It had been the first time he had communicated with me since the incident in the Fade. I felt confused and perplexed. Was this some kind of sign of forgiveness? Surely not, for he would not have left me as he did after I killed the mercenaries. I looked to Nicholas for clarification.

"You do not understand his intention?" he asked me.

I shook my head and with a sigh, he read out the letter addressed to him.

"Grandfather,

When I reached Starkhaven castle, I felt defeated and bitterly jealous. My life seems to be a never ending battle for my pride and I concede defeat.

If she is to be with Anders then I wish her all the best. I cannot understand it. I cannot bear it. I cannot endure it but I can be strong enough to see her one last time, sign a treaty before she leaves my life forever. I can be civil. Just.

I want her to be protected. I never saw Goran that night but I doubt this is the last we see of him. An alliance between the two nations would seal her power upon Kirkwall and the nobles will be more acquiescent to her orders. I also hope that as a result, the nobles will not make any attempts on her life knowing that Starkhaven fully supports her. If this latter objective does not work then at the very least, she will have more time and fewer burdens upon her shoulders so she can truly look after herself.

Isabela told me that she had, after a stressful day at court, run out to the Wounded Coast alone. She is suffering and I cannot bear that. I wish I could be there for her but if her love is Anders, I must submit. I will do whatever I can to assist and hope and pray that it is enough.

I had thought that I would take her back to the castle that night but watching her cling to Anders as she did made me realize that I am no longer the one she needs.

I realize that Kirkwall has been a difficult city to rule and Hales, without any training or background in politics must surely be suffering from the weight of the burden. The nobles are trying at best and she has limited support due to her friends being mostly in Starkhaven. I want to be there for her but I know it will not happen. Will you look after her for me whilst you are in Kirkwall?

I saw Hales carrying the dagger with her. I hope it is enough of my presence to help.

Sebastian"

Tears welled in my eyes and I whispered, "Sebastian… oh, you idiot. I've always loved you. Always. How could you ever think that I don't love you?"

"Well," began Anders in a slightly snide tone, "you were clinging onto me pretty hard. The poor guy probably thought you and I were… you know."

"But I'm not!" I protested, "I'm not even in love with you!" I winced at what I had said. I softened, "I'm sorry, Anders. No offence but –"

He shot me a wry grin, "We've covered this, sweetheart."

I stood up and turned pleading eyes upon all of them, "What do I do?"

Nicholas told me, "That's something you have to decide on your own."

Bethany tutted, "That's not useful at all, Nicholas." He shrugged and she stood to join me, her hands pressed firmly against my breast bone. She said, "Close your eyes." I closed my eyes and she said, "What does your heart tell you?" I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. I settled upon, "I want to be with him. Forever."

Her hands held onto mine and we linked our fingers together. She said, "So let's go and get him. I have faith in you." My siblings were not as irritating as I had once thought. Carver had shared a rivalry with me yet he never lost faith in me. My sister, sweet and wonderful as she was, saw this as a joint endeavour and she too, never lost faith.

It seemed that I had to learn a lesson that day and it was that I didn't have to be strong all the time. I was strong for my friends but when I was weak, they were strong for me. I smiled.

Nicholas asked with a little doubt in his eye, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I held up my left hand for his inspection. The ring was still upon my finger. I told him, "He gave me that ring and I promised him that I would be his forever. My heart, my mind and my soul belongs to him. That has never changed and will never change."

Satisfied with the answer, he said, "Go rest. I will see to it that preparations are done."

I frowned, "What about you?"

Leliana interrupted, "Have no worry. I will ensure he rests shortly."

Anders, Bethany and I returned to the estate where Oranna had tearfully told me she was glad that I was alright and Bodahn had celebrated with dwarven alcohol that made my head spin. I buried my face into Widge, cooing into him as he barked his happy greeting, "Widge, Widge, Widge. I've missed you, my wonderful Mabari!"

He had panted and wagged his tail. I told him, "We're going to Starkhaven! Make sure you tell Oranna to pack extra meats for you, alright boy?" He barked his happy reply and I went upstairs to rest with Anders and Bethany.

I was in the Fade again and I was surrounded by the spirits I had spent much time with during my injury. In a moment I realized what they had done for me. They had, in my time of need, band together and protected me. My endless source of magic and energy had come from the Fade itself! It had come from all the friends I made in the Fade!

I had time enough to thank them profusely and each sent me a wave of love, compassion and kindness before they pushed me from the Fade so I could truly rest. Yes, the friends I made were truly there for a lifetime. Yes, I had many someone's and many something's watching over me.

It was a lovely thought to fall asleep to.

It had taken a full week to prepare. Correction, it had taken _me_ a full week to prepare. Nicholas would insist upon the fact that things were prepared two days after we returned to Kirkwall. However, I insist that it was due to his words that had been preparing for another five days.

Nicholas had warned me of the Starkhaven traditions that came with two nations signing an alliance treaty. He said, "You're going to need clothes. Lots of clothes. In the few weeks that you are there, there will be countless tours of the city and its surrounding land, countless balls, parties, banquets, court sessions, Viscountess Robes and many of those too, I might add." When my eyes had widened to the size of saucepans, he asked, "I don't need to tell you that wearing the same thing twice looks bad, right?"

I waved him off, "Fashion is my forte," but still, it had taken a lot of preparation. In the end, I settled for packing my entirely wardrobe into countless crates and bags and left with those.

And it was also in that week that Bodahn had tendered his resignation. We walked towards the fireplace as he wrung his hands, "Things have been troubling these past few years, haven't they?" and then he stuttered out, "I…er… I was thinking that it might soon be time for my boy and I to move on."

I had smiled. The poor man seemed to be so upset and distressed; I tried to ease the tension, "Who will clean all the blood stains?"

He had chuckled, "There's more bloody footprints in this house than anywhere else in Kirkwall, I swear," then his eyes became sad, "It's an honour to serve the Champion of Kirkwall and Viscountess of Kirkwall, make no mistake but I'm getting older. It's time to see to Sandal's future."

I had offered, "If you're worried about Sandal, I can help him out."

The dwarf had smiled and waved his hands, "Ah, that's mighty kind of you but it is unnecessary. My boy's been offered a position in Orlais. It seems the empress herself found one of his enchantments and is intrigued! Can you imagine? Us, in the Imperial court!"

I had smiled, glad for him and Sandal. He offered, "I hope this business between Kirkwall and Starkhaven ends well. I worry about you, messere."

I was grateful and told him, "Bodahn, you are more than just a manservant. You've been a very dear friend to me all these years. When you and Sandal leave for Orlais, I will miss the both of you very much," then I revealed, "I'm hoping that I can win Sebastian back. I love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. If all goes well, I think you may be sending your letters to Starkhaven instead of to here!"

Bodahn became misty-eyed, "Lady Hawke, you are most kind. I hope you and Prince Vael find a happy ending because you deserve it. If it isn't too much, could my boy and I stay here until arrangements are made?"

I nodded, "Of course. You needn't even ask. I will have a guard posted at the estate to ensure your and Sandal's safety. When you leave, the guard will ensure no vandals in the time I am gone. I will have to come back to Kirkwall now and again, I imagine so this estate will not be sold."

I knew Oranna would be alone sooner or later so I had brought up the topic with her. I said, "I might be leaving for Starkhaven for a while and Bodahn and Sandal are leaving for Orlais. So, I want to ask you what you plan on doing. I'm happy to have you here living in this house and there will be a guard stationed so you will definitely be safe. On the other hand, if you'd like to, you could travel with me. You already know all of my friends and you are accepted with us, what would you like to do?"

She had curtsied, "You are kind mistress to allow me to make my decision but I would like to stay with you and travel to Starkhaven. I could serve you there as I do here?"

I smiled, "If that is what you want, then of course. You might want to pack your things for we might be leaving in a few days."

It seemed that all the loose ends in Kirkwall had been tied up. I just had to win Sebastian over.

On the morning that we were to set sail for Starkhaven, both Elthina and Leliana had seen us off. Leliana had told me, "I will be returning to Orlais very soon but I will promise to write. Please write back."

I smiled, "You should visit," and she nodded, promising that she would.

Elthina had offered no advice but wished me luck. I asked her, "Will you ever come to the Starkhaven Chantry?"

She smiled, "When I can," and then she passed me a note, "Give this to Sebastian for me."

I bowed, knowing that I would not be seeing her for a while, "Of course, Your Grace. As always, I am your humble servant."

I recognized the ship, it was Isabela's. She greeted me along with the rest of the cohort. Beaming faces grinned over the edges of the ship. Isabela wrapped up in Fenris' arms. Varric. Merrill. Aveline with Donnic. Oh, it was wonderful. They had sailed two or three days to Kirkwall just to sail with me back to Starkhaven! I had been so gleeful that I ran up the planks aboard the ship, lifting my skirts as I went.

Once we were well into the ocean, I began to pace. I rambled to the group, "I have no idea what I'm doing. I mean, I've never really done this before! Sebastian and I just happened. I can't just say 'I love you' and expect him to just accept that! What was I thinking?"

Everyone had pointed to Isabela and Aveline had said crudely, "The whore knows this better than anyone."

"Wait!" I held up my hands, "We're not doing anything crafty, are we?"

Nicholas had chuckled, "Throw her in front of the nobles and she'll have a go at them. Throw in crafty tricks to steal a man's heart and she freezes up. Does anyone else find that funny?"

Bethany tutted, "She's _always_ like that. When Sebastian and she first got together, she tried to feign sleep to avoid him."

I groaned in embarrassment before turning to Nicholas, "You cannot seriously be suggesting that I do some kind of _trick_ on him, are you?"

"Honestly, I think that's going to be the only way it will work. He's stubborn and he'll probably avoid you until absolutely necessary. I don't think something as simple as throwing yourself at him is going to work," he explained.

Isabela had stood up, her fingers wagging at all of us as she said, "Sebastian thinks Anders is competition so we need to prove that this isn't true but at the same time, drive him crazy with jealousy." It had become a group endeavour, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or protest. She told me, "You're going to be charming and friendly even when he's a dick but you'll be that way with _everyone_."

I frowned and she turned to my sister, "So Bethany, make it a point to curl up with Anders at every opportunity you have but Hales," she turned to me, "make sure you get comfortable with Anders as well _but_ don't just do that with him."

I put my foot down, "I'm not sleeping with anyone!"

She had tutted, "I didn't say that, I said get comfortable with everyone. Lean on my shoulder. Lean on Anders' shoulder. Lean on everyone's shoulder like you're the best damned snuggler the world has ever seen."

The strategies went on and on into the night and actually, into the next day. Everyone gave me random tips about how to do my hair or how to brush it properly or what perfume I should use. I became so confused that the morning we were due for Starkhaven, I ended up pacing and hyperventilating in my room.

They found me and as Isabela stepped in, she told me, "Alright, we need you to look perfectly stunning so his jaw drops into the floor."

With a screen placed in the room, she pushed me behind it so I could bathe as all my friends filtered into my bedroom. She called out, "Wash your hair!"

I had laughed, "I know how to bathe you know."

I submerged into the water and washed myself. Wrapping a towel around myself when I was done, I poked my head from behind the screen. Aveline threw a bottle of scented oil at me and as I lifted the cap, the innocent scent of jasmine filled the air. Aveline ordered, "You are to use that everyday whilst in Starkhaven. Every time you walk past me, I want to be able to smell that scent."

As I rubbed it all over myself, I asked her, "Where did you get this idea from, Aveline? It doesn't seem like you to be so fussy."

She said, "I'm not. My mother was."

Then the rest of them argued over lip stains and powders and eyeliners. I was very grateful for Nicholas. He told them, "Hales does the natural look very well. Perhaps a more dramatic lip stain will be enough since she has such flawless skin."

I settled for a deep blood red lip-stain.

Then they argued over what dress I should wear. Isabela, as always, went for seductive and revealing. Varric argued that it was more Isabela's style than mine and that we should go for elegant instead. Bethany insisted upon something that would wrap around my curves nicely. Anders suggested that it should be something that bared my shoulders because that seemed characteristic of me. Merrill seemed to love every suggestion but added that it should be floaty so I seemed like an angel. Fenris stayed quiet, his eyes exchanging a quiet look of smug amusement with me.

Seeing as they were unable to come up with a conclusion, I had selected a white dress. It had a round collar that dipped just low enough to see a hint of cleavage but also had another collar running near the neck so that it seemed the dress was tastefully revealing a little chest. It was partially sleeveless. The upper arms and shoulders were bare but there were long, soft chiffon materials to wrap around the area just above the elbows so that there were half sleeves that floated about as I moved my arms. The dress was floor length as would have been expected as a dress designed for a Viscountess but on one side was a slit that came to mid-thigh. Isabela had _loved _that. I paired it off with a pair of slippers with just a slight heel.

There was a brief sigh of happiness.

Then the arguing began. How was the hair to be done? How was the crown to be put up? Nicholas had waved their words aside and began braiding just the top layers of my hair so that most of its mass lay in curls around my shoulders and back. Then, with a gentle nod of approval, he placed the crown above my head. This new crown had been designed by Nicholas himself and it was beautiful.

Instead of the entire ring that rested on the head, it was more like the perimeters of a half moon and at the ends, there were little teeth that would dig into my hair. At the front were three peaks but this time, they were more prominent and slightly larger and the jewels that adorned them sparkled ever so much more.

Finally, I was ready.

When the ship finally docked on Starkhaven land, I breathed in the air. This was home. Isabela ordered her crewmen to carry the crates and luggage to the castle and with my hand wrapped firmly in Nicholas' elbow, we descended from the ship.

A line of guards awaited us, following us as we strolled towards the castle. They became our entourage and as we neared our destination, Nicholas had whispered to me, "How do you feel?"

I had smiled to him, "Like I'm finally home."

"Nervous?"

I had given a cautious laugh, "More than I can say. I don't know if this will work."

He smiled, "It will."

I didn't share his confidence but it comforted me nevertheless. The castle was not yet unfamiliar to me and with each step toward the Throne Room, I felt my heart beat a little harder and a little faster.

We were near the doors and they were already open. From a distance, I could tell that Sebastian had been pacing. He was just as nervous as I was. I gripped Nicholas' elbow tighter and noticing my gesture, his other hand came to pat mine in comfort. He murmured, "Remember to smile. Be graceful but charming."

As Nicholas and my arrival were announced, Sebastian's head perked up. I felt the charm and elegance appear from no where. I felt the smile grace my face. Our party strolled in and Sebastian… oh, he was so handsome.

I had not seen him well that night. It had been too dark but that day, I saw him again.

He looked tired, restless and fitful but still, the lovely auburn curls were there and those eyes, though sad were still just as beautiful as I remembered. And his lips… those corded arms… Even that day when he was supposed to have stopped loving me, one look from him and all felt right in the world.

Yes, I had not been anyway in the world until he looked at me. Yes, he was supposed to have stopped loving me but his eyes were the beautiful giveaway. There was still so much need and aching, so much heartbreak and love. When he watched me walk into the room, his mouth fell open. Not to the floor but enough to make my spirit soar a little. He was so very handsome. To have him look at me like I was the beautiful woman he remembered… well, it was wonderful.

Nicholas introduced us as though we had never met. It was all a part of his plan, I imagine, torturing Sebastian into submission.

"May I present the Viscountess of Kirkwall?"

Sebastian snapped his jaw shut and looked at Nicholas with slightly bewildered eyes. I heard a snicker from Isabela but my expression did not change. If anything, my smile simply deepened in warmth. He seemed so out of sorts seeing my smile.

I held out both my hands to him, as was tradition in any court and he held them in his.

Sparkle. Passion. It was all bubbling under that thin veneer of calm he wore. It was the first time he had touched me in quite a while.

Then he bent his head to kiss my hands. My right, with a gentle brush of lips and then my left. He paused, staring at my left hand. The ring…More shock registered upon his face.

Yes, he was truly at a disadvantage being shocked to the core as many times as he had been in the few moments I was there. There was a moment when he stared into my eyes with pure enthralment and then remembering himself, dropped a kiss to the knuckles of my left hand.

Inwardly, I chortled. I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

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><p>AN: So Hales does have a wild side. Let's see what she does, shall we? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	20. Spending Twenty Hours

**Chapter 20: Spending Twenty Hours**

His hands were still holding mine, cradling them and he did not let go. I did not pull away and for a moment, the world stopped as his eyes reached mine and we drowned into each other. Then Nicholas cleared his throat and a soft chuckle released from me. I lowered my eyes to the floor and looking bashful, I murmured demurely, "I forget myself. Forgive me, Your Highness."

Poor Sebastian, he looked as though he had no idea how to respond. Surprise registered and it wasn't until Nicholas gave him a pointed look that his face relaxed slightly. I was disappointed at his reaction. There wasn't even a smile, just a brief and aloof nod, "Of course, Viscountess."

Even so, I stayed polite and friendly. I looked at him from beneath my curls of eyelashes and my mouth opened with a sensual moue as I spoke, "I have something for you, Your Highness. The Grand Cleric asked me to give you a note," I gestured for Oranna and she, after a brief curtsy, gave the letter to Sebastian.

He nodded, without words as he stared at my face, his eyes grazing my face to my legs. I stretched my neck a little and shook my hair subtly, a wave of jasmine coming off my body. I saw his nostrils flare and his jaw clench. All was quiet in the room. I could hear some more snickers fluttering off from Isabela and Varric.

Bethany had rolled her eyes, I'm sure, before she suggested in a mockingly light tone, "Perhaps we should leave _His Highness_ for a moment to read the letter? I want to show you around. It's been a while since you were here last."

Sebastian finally caught up with the conversation and with some awkwardness, he said, "Yes. I am sorry, Viscountess. It seems I am also forgetting myself. I could-"

I raised my hands to silence his words, my sleeves fluttering in its wake, "Please, that is not necessary. My sister knows the area enough and I am certain I can do without your presence. You should rest. Rebuilding Starkhaven could not have been an easy task; you seem restless…"

He was the product of noble breeding, he could not be rude, would not be rude. Sebastian shot a very tight smile at me before inclining his head with that move I used to annoy people. The arrogance of the man! Using my moves against me! "I am certain that ruling Kirkwall has not been effortless, either but perhaps you are right, I will allow you to wander Starkhaven accompanied by your friends. My presence is _not_ required." His pride was injured and I nearly winced at his tone of voice. Yes, my choice of words had not been the best but I didn't expect such a harsh reaction.

I turned to Nicholas, "Will you be joining me?"

He shook his head, "No, I have things to discuss with my grandchild but you run along and have fun. I will see you at dinner." He winked at me and after I smiled in return, I reached for Bethany, our arms linking together. Nicholas called out, "Bethany, won't you show Hales to her room?"

My sister stopped short, "Her room?"

Nicholas nodded, "Yes, there is a guest room opposite to the room you and Anders share. I thought that would be most appropriate."

Bethany led me away and as our grouped walked towards the bedrooms, I felt a set of eyes watching me from behind and then, as I was just about to reach the door, a light breeze flowed through the open window, fluttering my skirts to reveal just a little of my leg. There was no response from Sebastian but even still, said breeze couldn't have come at a better time.

In the castle, the Throne Room was of course the most central part of and from there, many wings stretched out and there were of course, many levels to the place. Below the ground used to be where prisoners were kept but that had been changed into mostly a storage facility where all sorts of equipment were kept. On the ground was a ball room, a dining hall used to entertain nobles and the like, the kitchens, a massive library, the Throne Room, a sparring ground, a large garden that sat beside a streaming river and two substantial lounges on opposite sides of the castle with many sets of staircases that led to rooms.

The two lounges were kept separate for a reason. In the night, the royal families did not want to be bothered by the nobles and had purposely kept the two areas as far away from each other. One lounge was specifically for the royal family and the other lounge was for nobility and guests. When we had first reclaimed Kirkwall, everyone lived in the royal family wing. That particular lounge housed six staircases and at the top of each staircase, either one or two rooms would exist. There were a total of five staircases and eight bedrooms. From left to right, the first staircase housed one room which Fenris and Isabela shared. The second staircase housed two bedrooms, one of which was shared by Anders and Bethany. The middle staircase was the Prince's suite and it was the bedroom that Sebastian and I had once shared. The fourth staircase housed two rooms which Varric and Merrill had taken. The last staircase housed another two rooms, one of which was shared by Donnic and Aveline and the other was empty.

It probably did not matter that I even had a room of my own. Other than to throw my belongings around the place, it was most likely that I spent the nights with Bethany and Anders as per the usual but I had humoured the group, allowing my things to be placed in my room and so that they could gossip about Sebastian's reactions.

Aveline had commented, "He could smell your jasmine. Good. It worked."

Fenris shrugged, "His jaw dropped at the sight of you. I think it was a good job well done, overall."

"We can't jump to conclusions like that," tutted Isabela, "It's not a job well done until he's exhausted from screwing you into the mattress."

Bethany and I rolled our eyes before succumbing to giggles. Then I had enough. I told them, "Come on. Let's go out and enjoy the Starkhaven air. I don't want to talk about Sebastian any more. He will cave when he does and not a moment sooner. I'd rather not jinx it."

I had asked to see the city and together, we strolled all through it. Varric insisted we plan how we were going to stroll along the city so that I would see everything in the weeks that I was there but to no avail. In the end, we just walked around wherever we wanted to. The markets were bustling with people, shops and stalls all over the place but unlike Kirkwall, there was life, there was laughter and that special kind of energy and liveliness that I hadn't found anywhere else. Children ran around me and it was obvious that Starkhaven had really improved over time. People lived well.

I was surprised to see that many of its citizens actually recognized me. A young man who had been carrying his elderly parents' vegetables and fruits had gestured at me and said, "Isn't that Lady Hawke, The Champion of Kirkwall? She was going to marry Prince Sebastian and just vanished, right?"

The elderly father had smacked him, "Don't point, lad! It's rude! She's the Viscountess of Kirkwall now!" whilst the mother had sniffed, "She doesn't need to be in a position of power anymore. Good for her." Aveline and I had chuckled over that.

Then I hit a store that made me realize what I had missed most about Starkhaven – its food. Oh, the dried fruit and the wonderful aroma of spices would fill the air and the pies and the creams and the little cupcakes and the _tarts _that were sold, I was certain that I had tasted a little of everything during that morning. Merrill had actually asked the group, "I wonder where all that food goes! Maybe her stomach is like an abyss? But we just can't see it?"

When I could eat no more, Fenris had bought a few baskets and filled each to the brim with food both savoury and sweet. He promised, "We shall eat this in the afternoon. A picnic, if you will."

On the other side of the markets were all sorts of buildings, places you could eat inside which couldn't ever be found in Kirkwall, tailors, art shops where paintings could be bought, blacksmiths, launders, I even found a shop that sold scented candles. What was more, the buildings were filled with happy people living ordinary but wonderful lives. The streets were clean everywhere you went, the buildings were never cracked and even when we walked past the Circle Tower and the Templar Order, the structures were almost completely built! I couldn't believe the efficiency!

Even the areas near the brothel were charming and lively! There were no hunched over shoulders, guilty shuffles as men walked in and out of the brothel and outside, there were dancers and minstrels. If I hadn't been in the position of a Viscountess, I would probably have joined in. The atmosphere was cheerful, jovial and utterly fun-loving and I laughed more times than I could count.

It was good to be home.

Eventually, we found ourselves in the castle's gardens, throwing rugs upon the soft grass as we watched the sun sink. When the sky turned darker, Anders lit up the torches that made the entire garden possess a warm and cosy glow. It was then that Varric asked me, "Do you know all the latest dances?"

I shook my head and grinned. It was shameful for someone of the noble rank to not keep up to date with the latest trends in rouge or dancing or even clothes for that matter and I had very little time for dancing. Kicking my shoes away, I had jumped to my feet and cried out with exuberance, "Show me!"

To my surprise, Aveline had volunteered Donnic to teach me. With a friendly laugh, he showed me something he called "Foxpace".

He explained, "The dance involves many quick walks and very short and small leaps before sashaying to a stop on the opposite side of the room. When you stop, you shake your head sharply from side to side. I'll take it slowly but attempt to follow me, for that is perhaps the best way for you to learn."

Donnic had not been joking about the "quick walks", it seemed like I had been running from one corner of the garden to another, transferring my weight swiftly from one foot to the other. We sashayed to a stop at another corner and Donnic pushed me so I would lean backwards as my leg extended behind me. He stopped for a moment and said, "Now you need to lift your head up a fraction higher and tilt it back a little more. You need to look like you're sinking sensually upon your feet in this position."

He had been patient and gentle and after the first try, the others had pitched in with, "Try skipping instead of running, that's easier but just don't hop too high" and "Lean upon Fenris a little more… that's it" and "When you sashay to a stop, you need to make it look more sudden".

He then tried to teach me more complicated motions, like the inclusion of little kicks and jumps after the sashay and after that, incorporating enough turns that made me dizzy. After I began to remember the steps, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

The baskets were passed around and I had small bites of food as I learned. Isabela had been the next to push Fenris forward to teach me the tango. I had heard of the tango before and had seen it performed it many times. It was fitting that Fenris be the one to teach me considering the thrill of wild and danger that came with his personality. With a deft hand, he caught my crown and tossed it to Bethany before undoing my braid and tussling my hair. Then whilst I had been staring at him with a bewildered expression, he caught me into his arms with passionate hands, pulling me in so close our lips were barely apart whilst telling me, "This dance is like sex without offending nobles."

I teased Isabela, "Wow. I think your lover and I are about to have an affair," and she had threw herself against the floor laughing before telling me, "Just trust me on this. This is very _you_."

She was right. Whilst I had never been an outwardly sexual person, I enjoyed that sensual touch and passionate sway of hips. There was a wild energy that thrummed as Fenris had fiercely led me into the dance. Every movement was deliberate and even the slight shift was calculated and planned. Then he slid his hand down my back and lifted my leg to wrap around his side as he spun in circles around the garden and I threw my head back. Despite Fenris' seemingly slim and lithe body, he was surprisingly strong, capable of lifting me into the air before sliding me back upon the ground as I flicked my legs around him. We ended with our foreheads together and I had giggled breathlessly as he bowed in a most exaggerated fashion before collapsing beside Isabela.

Bethany had laughed, "It's nice to see you so happy. I haven't seen you dance like that since before Father died."

Everyone had stared at Bethany and I had hushed her, "Don't tell them that!"

Varric actually took out his notebook and a writing contraption and asked, "What did she do? Anything worthy of a story?"

With a smug and mischievous grin, Bethany told him, "She used to dance back in Lothering and she would do all these sensual moves for all the boys. She doesn't tell anyone but she's damned flexible."

I had blushed and protested, "This is for the nobles. No flexibility required."

Isabela had hollered, "Oh no, we've got to see this."

My sister encouraged, "Show them that move you did in Lothering that made all the boys drop their glasses," and Isabela had suggested, "In fact, show us on Anders," before winking. I hadn't understood her wink at the time but had filed it for later questioning.

I told Anders, "Keep your left knee bent and your right leg out to the side and straight. Make sure you keep a strong centre." He rolled his eyes, "Please, remember who you're talking to. A runaway mage is very strong."

I had joked, "Ooh, watch out ladies. Your men are all flirting with me," before hooking my left leg upon his and raising my right leg in front of me, unfurling at the knee so that my nose was only a few inches from my calf whilst my arms were around his neck. Thank goodness for the slit on the side of the dress, I thought.

Isabela hooted out and Varric said, "Yup! That one is going down in the books!"

As I stepped back upon the ground, I had asked Isabela, "You come from Rivain. You should be able to show me a thing or two."

She had smiled, "It's nothing the nobles could accept so later. Come sit and eat. You've been dancing for ages."

I threw myself upon the soft loam, uncaring to the fact that my leg was partially exposed and placed my head upon Isabela's lap whilst nibbling on a tartlet. I giggled, "Is my head heavy?"

She teased, "Only because you have such a huge ego."

Then chatter started up again and we all laughed whilst sharing food. The atmosphere was not broken until

We chattered and laughed for a while longer as we all shared food. Then the atmosphere was broken when Nicholas and Sebastian stepped out into the garden and Nicholas had cleared his throat. When I turned my head, I realized how inappropriate I looked. I quickly sat up, covering my leg. The group fell quiet and I made to stand up but Nicholas waved me, "Sit, sit, I thought we'd come out and eat with you all."

I passed another basket of food that had not yet been touched and handed it to him as both he and Sebastian sat down. I exchanged uncomfortable looks with the group and each had looked between me and Sebastian tensely. Awkward.

Nicholas, sensing the tension commented, "Don't stop talking on my account. You know, we were talking upstairs and saw you dancing, I must say, you're quite the flexible dancer," before waggling his eyebrows in mischief.

I looked at Isabela, firing a pointed stare and she had grinned. I nearly rolled my eyes. She knew Sebastian had been watching us. I told him, "I was dancing with everyone. Donnic showed me the Foxpace and Fenris showed me the Tango."

Nicholas rose from one of the rugs and offered a hand, "And the waltz?"

I took his hand with a laugh, "I know the waltz."

His hands cradled me like a father would and he teased, "Prove it."

Our hands clasped and with my other hand upon his shoulder and his upon my shoulder blade, we stepped in the garden with slow and gentle movements. Yet because Sebastian was there, I could not focus and I kept tensing and looking at Nicholas with an ill at ease expression. He had teased, "You need to relax, Hales! Are you intimidated?"

I had been intimidated but not exactly by him. Still, I hated being called upon my nerves and had forcibly relaxed. Even still, it had not been enough. Nicholas had stood back and told me, "You still need to relax some more but I'm sure you and Sebastian will do fine on the night of the ball."

I had gasped so quickly I choked and spluttered, "Ball? When?"

Sebastian had answered, "In two nights time. It will be the beginning of a celebration and at the ball, it is tradition of the leaders of the two nations to begin the first dance." His burr was slightly accented but it had been warmer and friendlier than that morning.

"Oh, so soon," I had smiled a little, "We have not even discussed the treaty and whatever else that comes along with it."

The night turned formal suddenly and he had answered with directness, "The alliance is fairly standard, mostly that we will share resources and armies in each other's defence. Aside from that, I have made no assumptions and any further agreements can be discussed, H-, Viscountess." He had nearly said my name. Nearly.

Nicholas had shared a look with Isabela, one that everyone had noticed aside from Sebastian. I tried to glare warningly at him but with a gentle shrug, he suggested, "Sebastian, perhaps you should practice dancing with the Viscountess? It would probably be best to avoid embarrassment later on."

I turned my back upon Sebastian to glare at Nicholas, a dark look that promised retribution but he did not even seem perturbed. Then Sebastian's fingers touched my shoulder and I had jumped from the contact. He had gestured with his hand for my own and after some reluctance, my eyes flickering between his eyes and hand, I eventually slipped my hand into his.

At first the steps were awkward, tense and staring into his bright blue eyes had reminded me too much of his pain and heartache and with some nervousness had turned my eyes away from his. His hand along my back did not make matters easier. Having me hold me so was so reminiscent to the first ball we had shared and every one since that I nearly broke down in tears from the feeling that welled up. Chatter started up again amongst the group, probably a gesture to make me feel more at ease and less watched by the others. I tried to relax and I felt my body shudder a little before my eyes closed.

Before long, both of us were sweeping along the grass with the frothy materials of my dress teasing at our ankles. Grace slowly seeped into my pores. My head moved without direction and instinctively and I allowed myself to focus upon nothing but the movements of our combined bodies. Half-way through, his hand had slipped a little lower upon my waist and my eyes had fluttered open, my mouth falling apart. His eyes changed. Warmer, gentler like everything was as it was before. He looked upon me like a lover, a woman whom he would forever love.

Somehow along with everyone, I floated upon a cloud towards the royal bedchambers then he had looked me in the eye, his eyes glinting like blue stones and had curtly said, "Good night, Viscountess."

He strode into his suite and as I stood there, part in shock, part still overwhelmed by the amount of love I had felt, I heard none of the curses my friends had made at Sebastian's back. I saw none of the worried looks or the angry ones directed at the stairs.

I fell upon my knees, collapsing from the sudden weight that fell upon me.

Yes, I spent the night with Bethany and Anders, not wanting to be alone.

The night was over.

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><p>AN: Sebastian, you are a total ass.

Please R&R! Love, Ann


	21. Dreading Three Weeks

A/N: As a start, I would like to thank each and every one of you for sending me reviews. It has kept me encouraged and I can't feel any more appreciative or blessed by the response. Enjoy this chapter and as always, please R&R!

Love, Ann

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><p><strong>Chapter 21: Dreading Three Weeks<strong>

I woke up alone. Frowning, I called out, "Anders? Bethany?" but no one replied. The bed was cold where they lay. They had been gone for a while. Upon a pillow perched a note,

"Good morning sunshine," I read and smiled… that was very Anders, "Bethany and I have to teach at the Circle Tower with Merrill. Maybe you should tour the Circle Tower and the Templar Order?"

I all but ran to my room, eager for the day to start. As promised, I did use the jasmine oil that Aveline bought me and ensured that the dress I wore was elegant but sensual. I picked a pastel pink, silk dress that came to my ankles and paired it with a thick, black belt. Lifting up my skirts, I flew down the stairs and nearly crashed into Nicholas. He caught me at the bottom of the stairs and chuckled, "And where are you off to in such a hurry, lass?"

I threw my arms around him in exuberance, "Good morning! I'm off to the Circle Tower!" before moving around him to scamper off but he pulled my wrist and told me, "Food first. Sebastian is already waiting downstairs."

My smile dropped. "No," I said, "eat without me. I haven't recovered enough to face him." It was true. His sudden change last night from warm to icy had me seizing up so badly that I could barely breathe. I couldn't go and eat with him like nothing mattered!

Nicholas' hand took mine and he curled it around his elbow, "He loves you. Believe that. Find strength in that."

I could never deny my family and I joked, "I'm still angry about last night."

We walked into the dining hall and he told me, "All will be forgiven once the two of you are reunited."

I scoffed, "Keep telling yourself that, old man."

Sebastian was already seated at the table, where plates of covered food had been laid out. I sat opposite to him whilst Nicholas sat on the other edge of the table, sort of putting himself in between the two of us. "Good morning," said Sebastian and I returned the greeting in kind.

As a servant uncovered the plates, I noticed that unlike the men who's plates served mostly savoury pieces of eggs, toast and bacon, mine was covered in all things sweet. Pancakes, strawberries and extra butter upon the side had me gaping. It had been surprising. I hadn't expected Sebastian to forget what I enjoyed eating but at the same time, I had not expected him to blatantly display the intimate knowledge he held of my sweet tooth. As I looked around the table for the syrup, Sebastian lifted the tiny jug of syrup before me and generously poured it all over my pancakes, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

I stuttered, "Thank you," and he had smiled just a little to reply, "The more the better, right?"

My breath came out in a half laugh and our eyes connected over the other jugs of juice and water. There was that moment of intimacy between us before it snapped shut and I averted my eyes, feeling out of sorts. He had been cold the previous night, why was he so warm then?

He commented, "You are not wearing your crown this morning."

I self consciously tucked a curl behind my ear, "The crown does not make the person. It is the actions that make the person," my tone friendly but soft. It wasn't entirely a lie but the truth was that I didn't particularly like wearing the crown. It was heavy and it was uncomfortable.

Nicholas saw through me and chortled, "You just don't like having to walk around slowly, hoping it won't tip off your head."

"That too," I admitted and we all shared a brief moment of laughter. Then it stopped with an abruptness that made my legs tense.

Sebastian attempted to start another conversation, "I hear tell that the nobles in Kirkwall are giving you quite the headache."

I gestured with my fork, "I don't think it's so much the nobles as it is their petty problems. I realize that there are some genuine problems but there are many things that we could do without during court. Tax evasions are the _worst_."

Nicholas moved his head closer to Sebastian almost as though he was sharing a secret, "You should have heard her the day we got back to Kirkwall. I think she screamed the entire Viscount's Keep down."

I rubbed my hands along my forehead and grinned reluctantly, "Not my finest moment, admittedly."

A burst of short laughter came from Sebastian and he told me, "I have to hear this."

With a groan, I rolled my eyes and responded, "The nobles realized I had been taken and they were arguing over who should be the next Viscount and hammering Elthina about it." Sebastian's face hardened and my voice shook a little seeing his intensity, "We had _just_ arrived in Kirkwall after a few days of riding so I looked like a mess. I realized that there was to be court that morning and in between all the drama, I had forgotten about it. So, I went into the Throne Room-"

Nicholas interrupted, "You use the words 'went into the Throne Room' like it was some kind of civilized stroll," and as my face reddened in embarrassment he continued, "she _threw _the doors open so hard that they bounced against the marble. I don't know whether you realize this, Hales but said doors had to be replaced."

I looked at the ceiling of the hall and muttered, "I was… tired. That is my excuse."

He snorted and turned to Sebastian, "Then Lord Fineal actually had the gall or the stupidity, I can't decide, to hand her a stack of court orders that listed issues to be resolved. She flicked through them and threw them against the wall, screaming at the top of her lungs that there would 'no more petty stupidity'," he animated with air quotes, "and then whilst all the nobles were so quiet and I do mean so quiet that even I have never heard them that quiet, the Viscountess of Kirkwall threatened to ask The Divine to send soldiers into Kirkwall to skin each of them alive."

I told Sebastian, "That last part didn't happen. Nicholas was hallucinating at the time."

Chuckling, Nicholas patted my shoulder, "It is alright, child. Anders, Bethany and I found it quite amusing. Even Leliana had managed a grin during your tirade. It was only Elthina who stared at you like you had grown several heads."

I groaned, "Wonderful" was all I said.

Sebastian nodded, "I never liked Lord Fineal. His wife and children live here in Starkhaven and they are an alright sort but _him_… very nasty sort," then he turned to me, "Speaking of The Divine, what was happening? _Your_ friends refuse to tell me anything because I wasn't there and both Grandfather's and Elthina's letters were nondescript."

He had emphasised the word "your" as though they were not his family and friends, too but at the very least, I found out what Elthina's note had been about. When she had given it to me, I had been very tempted to rip it often, which was why I gave it to Oranna for safekeeping.

This was a sensitive topic. It had been hard days during that time without my friends and without him. The mood sobered. "What would you like to know?"

Sebastian motioned, "Start from the beginning."

I began with some slowness, "I imagine you heard about the Gallows being burnt down?"

He nodded and I continued, "Meredith had the mages rounded up in Viscount's Keep and they were afforded very little decency. Any mages who did not come forward were either dead or labelled as blood mages. By the time I was made aware of everything, many mages had been slaughtered and there was a list of names of all the mages who had not been accounted for and once more, labelled as blood mages. Huon, Evelina, Emile de Launcet and me."

Astonishment crossed his face and with a particularly heavy emphasis of burr asked, "Meredith had you labelled as a blood mage?"

I nodded, "I had gone to Elthina that very morning and she vouched for me. Meredith sent me off to find the other blood mages. At the same time, Elthina told me that The Divine had sent an agent, Sister Nightingale, to investigate Kirkwall problems and asked that I meet with her. The agent was Leliana and a good friend of Elissa's. I met with her at the Hanged Man and when I was there, a branched off group of mages called The Resolutionists ambushed me. Leliana came and helped me eventually but she was convinced that the problems were mage-related. I managed to convince her that there were other alternatives that should be considered."

"Hold on," said Sebastian, "How did they know that an agent was at the Hanged Man? No one could ever suspect a sister of being in a tavern."

"Leliana let slip that a sister was in the tavern and they thought I was she." He nodded but his fists were clenched and his lips pursed at the thought. I continued, "She spent a few days following me around and sent letters to both The Divine and Elissa. Elissa vouched for me as a trustworthy person and The Divine sent word that she would come to Kirkwall. Leliana realized that there were problems in the Templar Order and she was apparently present when I had been talking to Meredith. During that conversation, Meredith yelled at me that she was the Viscountess of the city."

"What happened to the blood mages?" asked Sebastian

I shook my head, "Huon and Evelina were blood mages but Evelina turned because she was attempting to provide for her family. As for Emile, he simply wanted to 'live a little' as he said. Meredith was going to execute him but she was stopped by me and Emile's father. Even still, she said she'd be watching him closely."

I took a breath, casting my mind back to the days of work that had followed and I was far away as I spoke, "Isabela, Fenris, Anders and Bethany came for me, realizing that I needed help. We had been writing letters to each other." At that, Sebastian's eyes narrowed slightly but he inclined his head with a sharp nod. I continued, "We had about a week and a few days for The Divine to show up and we had to collect evidence to make a case against Meredith and to convince Her Grace that Kirkwall's problems could be fixed."

It was then that Nicholas interrupted, "She had quite the sophisticated case. She used many witnesses and found evidence of lyrium addiction on Meredith's part."

Sebastian nodded but his eyes were still focused and trained upon my face. I sighed, "Elthina had been present when Meredith told us about the Templar involvement in the burning of the Gallows."

There was a sharp intake of breath as Sebastian gaped, "Templar involvement? No one mentioned that."

I shrugged and with a wry smile told him, "It had been hushed up. I found Ella, the girl that Ser Alrik had nearly Tranquilised. She told The Divine that Ser Alrik had raped Tranquil mages and it had gone on without investigation. To be honest, I hadn't expected that little bit of news. I had expected her to only tell Her Grace about the fact that Ser Alrik had still been Tranquilising mages without consent. Walter, one of the children Evelina was trying to protest, told Her Grace that Evelina had gave herself freely to the Kirkwall Circle but had been labelled an apostate and was not given the help required for her family. Elsa, Meredith's Tranquil assistant-"

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, "You used Meredith's own Tranquil assistant against her? That's ironic."

I shrugged, "When Meredith sent me to hunt the mages, she told Elsa to give me the details. Elsa told me that Meredith likes to 'err on the side of caution' and believes that all apostates practice blood magic."

"And the lyrium addiction?" he asked.

"That was a complete accident. We were in Meredith's office, the Viscount's office and she seemed very odd. I tried to ask her what was going on and then I saw a spill of lyrium potion upon the floor. It connected in my mind straight away and she, realizing what I had seen, backhanded me out of her office. That was the big break. The back of her gauntlet had pure lyrium on it and it burned my skin. My cheek turned grey and purple within seconds," at that I gave a sigh. It had been so tiring, so hard and challenging. I just hadn't thought about it until in hindsight.

Nicholas supplied, "Her face was healed by Anders but it took a few days to completely heal over. Her face was bruised for a while."

There was a look of pure rage and fury upon Sebastian's face as he snarled, "She hit you?"

I waved for him to calm down, "It was a small price to pay considering what we found out. The Divine was in so much shock she needed rest. We were summoned back to the Keep a few hours later and Meredith, realizing that she would lose, tried to kill me. It didn't work, of course."

If anything, Sebastian's face seemed all the more outraged. He was remembering seeing me upon the bed, each day changing into some strange form that wasn't entirely human. My heart beat faster, "Then of course, I was made Viscountess and the policies were implemented. Then everyone was summoned back to Starkhaven," as I said that he shifted uncomfortably and I thought that it wasn't a bad thing that he felt guilty, "aside form Anders and Isabela. They stayed with me until I was taken. Then well, you know the rest."

Nicholas had touched my shoulder, "You give yourself too little credit. You forgot to mention that during the time The Divine was travelling to Kirkwall, you spent every day and night at the Chantry, discussing the policies that were in Starkhaven."

I had winced at that. I hadn't wanted to touch upon my taking all of Starkhaven's policies. It brought back too many memories of how I had once planned those with Sebastian. Sebastian seemed to feel the same. Even still, I had said, "I hope you don't mind that I've taken most of Starkhaven's policies."

"Well, you-," he had wanted to acknowledge my contributions to Starkhaven's policies but it would have been too intimate and so instead, he said, "Of course not."

Nicholas had sent me a look of pure pride, his smile making me feel like a young girl whose achievements made her father cry. He said, "You have done so much good. I am very proud of you, child."

"Yes," said Sebastian, "It could not have been easy."

Those words made me tense. It was not what he said but the way he had said it. He didn't want to seem so involved with me. He spoke in that unaffected and neutral tone, as though I was totally undeserving of the praise. It had me tensing and something akin to anger and derision solidified in my stomach.

My response was curt, terse and clipped, "I managed, _Your Highness_."

He winced and his eyes became cold as glass. Yes, I had no right to be angry. I had been the one who had left him. Yes, I had hurt him. _Yes_, I was the one who had shoved a sword straight through his chest.

But neither did he have such a right to behave nonchalant.

No, he was not there when I was made Viscountess. No, he was not there when I had been slaving away in the Chantry or crying alone in my bed whilst he had friends and family around him. _No_, he could not expect me to run into his arms in the Fade after overloading me with emotions that I had not yet in a long while. _No, _he had not been there even after I had been taken and fear that shaken my entire world.

_No, he had no right!_

I stood from the table and addressed him, "Anders has requested my presence at the Circle Tower and I will be touring the rebuilt Templar Order."

Being a gentleman, he stood and had motioned to offer but I waved it aside in one imperious move, "No, I'm certain Fenris will not mind entertaining me."

Nicholas rose and after touching my elbow, we walked together out of the dining hall. Impatient and frustrated, I vented, "Do not wish for us to be together. You might as well ask a brick wall to bend backwards for you."

He had replied, "Did you think it would be easy? Nay, you and he both have things to work out and it does not happen in a day."

Honestly, I felt like an explosion was imminent, it was already bubbling underneath my skin and under that thin veil of aloofness and irritating cool. I spat, "I want to throttle him."

Nicholas had done nothing but smile and dropped me off at the Circle Tower so I could spend my day there.

Anders and Bethany had been teaching a class about Fade spirits when I teetered at the door. My heart had melted at the sight of young children, giggling and happy in their education, playfully poking at each other when they were supposed to be listening. In any event, Bethany asked them to pay attention and when the children settled down, Anders began to explain what the Veil was. I watched the two of them give shy glances to each other when they thought no one would notice. I smiled. Yes, they were beautiful together and they would be wonderful and happy.

I felt a little guilty that constantly intruding their private time but they never seemed to mind. I suppose that perhaps, it was as Bethany suggested, they had a fond relationship rather than a passionate and wild one like the one Fenris and Isabela shared. I leaned on the doorjamb watching the children clamber over themselves to please their pretty teacher and my giggles had everyone's attention directed upon me.

The children hushed and whispered, "Look! She's the Viscountess of Kirkwall!" and "She beat a big Qunari thing!" and "Wow, she's so pretty!"

Bethany allowed me to teach a portion of the class and I kept the interest flowing through asking many questions, making sure the children were paying attention because they were interested. I told them that the Fade consisted of many portions and pieces that were interconnected and woven together. It was not perfect and there were rips in the Veil but they were still connected. I talked about my experiences in the Fade and how I had met many spirits in there.

When I was done sharing my experiences, the children had begged me to come back soon. Laughing, I promised Anders and Bethany to see them at dinner and went in search of Merrill. She had been free during that time and had sat in the Circle gardens, weaving wildflowers together. It had been a while since she and I had some personal time so I had asked her, "How are you doing, Merrill? It seems an age since we've really had some time to talk."

She had giggled, "I'm very happy here. I think I will just live here forever. There is always so much to do!"

We had some time to share deep discussions, talking about her letting go of the clan and moving on. She said, "I've found my clan. You're my clan."

It had been so emotionally overwhelming to be some a part of someone's world that I had hugged the slim girl and weaved more wildflowers with her. She said, "You're not wearing a crown. Here," she said as she slipped the multicoloured wreath over my hair, "There's your crown," and then she continued to braid flowers into my hair. I allowed her to do as she pleased, I honestly didn't care what I looked like. What was important was that Merrill thought I looked nice.

I wore the flowers with pride as I visited Fenris. As Knight-Commander, it seemed that he had much paperwork so he had very little time for me but even so, I had Isabela take me around the tower and show me the work that had yet to be completed. As we strolled along the corridors, many of the Templars stopped and stared. I whispered when out of earshot, "Is it the hair? Merrill weaved flowers."

She nodded, "It is. You look really good."

The day seemed to go by really quickly. By dinnertime, I felt content and happy and had completely forgotten about Sebastian's attitude until he slapped me in the face with it by telling me first thing before I even sat down, "We have court tomorrow morning. You may wish to get some rest after dinner, Viscountess."

Everyone had rolled their eyes and Aveline had commented, "Sebastian. Please shut your mouth. We want to eat and have fun, not worry about business."

Sebastian had smiled to Aveline without comment. I hated that. Why couldn't he smile like that at me? That smile was sincere and comforting, warm and friendly, real and affectionate.

Nicholas had flicked the flowers in my hair, "You found a crown, did you?"

I laughed giddy like a little girl, "Merrill did it for me! Could you design a new crown like that?"

Throughout dinner, Sebastian's eyes were constantly upon me, watching and surveying. I wasn't sure what he was looking for but once more, I could not stay angry at him. My heart melted at the sight of him and the final barriers around my heart that I had erected that morning crumbled with just one aching look.

Then dinner was over and music was playing at the back of the dining hall, a foreign piece of music that consisted of a heavy drumming. Isabela had perked up, "Rivaini music!" and dragged all of us upon the floor to show us Rivaini dancing. Her movements were tribal but no less beautiful. Sensual waves of her hips, wild movements of her head and hair, it was very much like Isabela. Eventually, I found myself joining in, copying and imitating her movements, rolling my hips and lifting my arms in the air to wave around my body.

My eyes locked with Sebastian's and for a moment, time paused. Passion, want, hunger and possession sparkled in his eyes and when I realized that I had been staring at him, I averted my eyes. The next time I steeled myself to look at him again, he was already gone.

By the time I felt tired, much of the flowers in my hair had fallen out. Still, I felt dissatisfied. When we were in the lounge that night, I stared up at the staircases leading to his room. I got an inspiring idea but a crazy idea. Grabbing Isabela's hand, I pulled her to the corridor, "Is Sebastian's room locked?"

She had grinned before teasing, "Well, I wouldn't know. I could go check, if you like?"

I nodded and I watched as she disappeared up the stairs. My heart thudded painfully in my chest and each moment stretched out. It seemed like hours when she came back down and told me, "I unlocked the door and he's in bed, asleep."

My breath came rushing out and I said, "I'm crazy for doing this."

She encouraged, "That's what you do best. Go for it. It couldn't possibly end badly."

She left me and I was alone. I heard nothing but my heart beat. Once. Twice. Thrice.

I sighed and walked up to my room.

Then I heard my heart beat. Once. Twice. Thrice.

I ran up to his room and with my hand upon the handle, I slowly pushed it down. The movement was slow, gentle and without noise. The door slid open without sound and I pushed it closed behind me with a tiny click. The window was open. The fire was unlit. I shook my head. Sebastian had not been looking after himself in my absence. I tiptoed about the room, closing the window and throwing a fireball into the grate. I stoked the fire until it flickered and snapped.

Then I turned to Sebastian.

I listened to his breath. He was sleeping. It wasn't deep but it was even. He was asleep, I thought. Even in sleep, he seemed restless and fitful. Though he didn't move, his face wasn't relaxed. It wasn't the tranquil form I had once slept alongside.

Then I realized he was unclothed.

In the firelight, he seemed like an angel, resting upon clouds of silk sheets and pillows. The sheets tangled about his waist, leaving his chest bare and his hair was messy upon the pillow. He lay on his side with his arm thrown over my side of the bed and after all this time, he still slept on one side of the bed instead of in the middle.

I walked towards my side of the bed and gently sat upon it. My fingers, gentle and cool, feathered over his face and I nearly sighed in wonder. Sebastian was warm, always warm. Even when I was cold in the night, he was like a beacon of everlasting heat. My hand grazed over his shoulders, his arms and he murmured. I froze and held my breath as he rolled onto his back, his arm over his stomach. When all seemed calm, I slowly exhaled and my fingers began exploring again. Over his long and proud neck, down his corded and strong arms, his broad and well-muscled chest, his skin was soft over hard muscle and I revelled in the experience. It had been so long…

I was hard pressed to resist. I had been weak. I leaned over him and brushed my lips along his collarbones as my heart thudded ever so louder. I dragged my mouth along his neck to his ears and then back down to his cheeks and to the corners of lips. My heart pushed me forward and I pressed my lips to his. I held myself there, enjoying the feel of his mouth along mine and for a moment, I almost thought he was kissing back.

Finally. So sweet, so joyful, my spirit soared ever higher. Oh, to have this moment forever. To have this moment stretch out until there was no more time left. I didn't want him to wake so that all I would see was his aloof calm and hidden passion. I wanted him like this, open to my touch and love.

My heart broke as I whispered in his ear, "I love you, Sebastian. Always have. Always will. You own me heart, mind and soul."

I had taken enough risks and left him for the night, closing the door behind me. Through my tears, I didn't notice his head turning imperceptibly to watch me leave; I hadn't noticed the flowers in my hair falling upon the pillows, speckling the clean white with dots of purple, red and blue. I had only felt heartbreak from leaving him on the lonely bed. I had only felt my heart clench from knowing that my place would never be at his side. I had only run to Bethany and fell upon my knees in tears, crying as though my heartbreak would cease only when my tears did.

And that night, as Anders held Bethany in sleep, Bethany held me.

As I lay there, I stared out the window and it was not until the sun slowly began to ascend the sky that I finally found troubled sleep but it was only a few moments before Bethany woke me up, trying to climb over me to use the toilet. Due to a lack of sleep, my head was starting to ache and I had burrowed into Anders to that Bethany could get into bed easier. I woke him up for a moment and he smiled at me before falling asleep and I also began to drift off.

At the back of my mind, I heard a knock. I ignored it. Then the door opened and a yell pierced through my consciousness.

"What, in the Maker's name, is going on?"

Sebastian's angry burr echoed through the room and I groaned. Bethany came out of the toilet and asked him in a yawn as Anders and I sat up, "Sebastian, it's the crack of dawn. What is going on?"

He pointed at the two of us in bed and spluttered. I had been too emotionally drained and tired to explain what was happening. I gave Anders a helpless look and he told Sebastian, "Hales rests with her sister and me, generally. Did you want something?"

Sebastian had gaped at Anders and then tried to justify himself with a weak excuse of, "I was looking for the Viscountess. We have court this morning."

After the previous night, after the heartache I had suffered at my own hands, I gave a tired nod and told him, "I will be there." I felt like giving up. Sebastian and I were over. I slumped upon the bed with a defeated sigh as Bethany closed the door in his face.

Anders and Bethany exchanged looks of worry and I told them, "I am fine. I know he and I will never be together. I will enjoy what time I have left in Starkhaven, what time I have left at home before I leave."

The three of us held each other whilst the sun rose and each of us watched the hopeful dawn with dread and dismay in our hearts.

For court that morning, I had worn one of my Viscountess Robes that was coloured in silver threads. Sebastian did not even look at me. Court in Starkhaven was much the same as court in Kirkwall with the exception of less greed and petty problems. The problems dealt were actually of matters regarding safety and improvements around the city. It had gone by easily barring Sebastian's cold shoulder.

I met many nobles that morning, most of them I already knew due to them being family with the nobles of Kirkwall or because I already knew them. I had always liked Lord and Lady Argeneal and they had greeted me most fondly with, "Lady Hawke! It is very good to see you here. You have been missed here in Starkhaven."

I had smiled and exchanged cheek to cheek kisses with both of them, telling them, "I have missed Starkhaven just as much."

Surprisingly, they did not want to talk about politics but had invited me to dinner one evening at their estate and I was more than happy to accept. As they left, I saw over their shoulder that Anders and Bethany were discussing something with Nicholas and all of them looked very worried, at times shooting glances at me.

They were discussing Sebastian finding me in bed with Anders and I began to feel apathetic to their cause. Later on during the day, I overheard a fierce argument between Sebastian and Nicholas in the garden.

"Foolish boy. If I didn't love you so much, I would hit you."

Sebastian had snarled back, "She was in his bed!"

Nicholas shook his head, "They were in her bed in Kirkwall, keeping her company when _you_ weren't there."

"_She_ left! _She_ clung to Anders!_ She _was in his bed!"

There was a pitying tone in Nicholas' voice, "She cried for you after you left her in the rain. She cried for you when you left her two nights ago with that curt response of yours. I pity you, boy."

I left, not wanting to hear what was being said.

That night, I stood in my room as Oranna dressed me for the ball.

Black silk slid over my skin. It was a simple gown with long sleeves that had a round collar just below the neck but left my entire back bare. Scandalous but still elegant. With the crown atop of my hair and a deep red lip-stain, I left for the ballroom.

Sebastian and I both signed the alliance in front of a roomful of nobles. They clapped and smiled and I had faked my own. We danced but there was no feeling. We danced but there was nothing there. It was stiff, tense and awkward. I looked away from him in indifference and he looked away from anger. I thought that maybe my previous assessment of an imminent explosion was wrong. There wouldn't be one.

The ball wore on but I felt nothing. The ball wore on but I saw nothing. I smiled when I had to. I talked when I had to. I did as I was supposed the nobles left, it was well past midnight but I did not feel tired. I changed into a soft shift that came to my knees and braved the autumn night.

In the garden, I stepped into the river, the streaming water tickling at my calves and ankles, sloshing over rock and stone. I found my peace in water. I found my calm in water. I found my happiness in water. I splashed about, kicking the water about in the dead of the night, knowing that no one would see me.

Then that calm froze within me. His thick brogue called out and sliced the night air.

"Couldn't sleep, Viscountess?"


	22. TwentyTwo Mercenaries To Defeat

**Chapter 22: Twenty-Two Mercenaries to Defeat**

I jumped, the water splashing up to my thighs and my hand caught in my chest. I twirled around and cried out, "Sebast-", I caught myself before I finished his name. After a breath, I said, "Your Highness, you gave me quite the fright.

There was a strange light in his eye and his smile was reluctant as he watched me, cynical and ironic. "Something wrong with my name?" he asked and it was then I recognized that light in his eye. He was challenging me!

I perched myself upon a boulder in the river, dipping my feet in the water. Without looking at him, I said, "Of course not."

The wind breezed around me, causing goosebumps to rise on my flesh. Though it was by no means cold weather, it was still autumn and the temperatures were cooler. I heard Sebastian's booted feet press against the grass as he walked towards the boulder then a long, grey cloak, velvety and smooth draped over my shoulders. It was warm, it must have been draped upon him from before and his earthy scene covered me as though I was being held. I clutched the material over my shoulders, relishing in the feel and murmuring, "Thank you."

"Your welcome, Hales."

I stiffened. It had been the first time he said my name and my entire body nearly shuddered from his husky whisper. I knew that his eyes were trained upon me and so, I knew that his saw my response and so, I refused to look him in the eye. It would have been too intimate.

Sebastian murmured, "You are angry at me."

It was a statement rather than a question and it was that statement that had my head turning to him. Our eyes locked and he looked _miserable_. There was conflict in his eyes and a defeated resignation that I could not understand until he said, "I apologize for the commotion I caused this morning." As I nodded he continued, "I didn't understand the arrangement that you and Anders shared."

Anger flashed like lightening within me and with a steely tone, I told him, "It isn't really your business and I don't know what illusions you harbour about me but since you're so interested, allow me to break them for you," I flipped my legs agilely over the boulder and jumped upon the grass in a quick motion, standing before him with a foot of distance between us.

I took a closer step to him and hissed through my teeth, "Anders and Bethany have kept me company in the nights because I could not sleep. Anders and Bethany kept me company at night because we would talk and talk until we fell asleep in the same bed. Anders and Bethany would keep me company because I couldn't handle everything on my own. Anders and Bethany _continued _this pattern because they were worried that I would be afraid to be _on my own._"

That wasn't the only reason, of course. They kept me company because I never wanted to be taken again. I was much the same as before during the day and because I had company during the night, I knew I had nothing to fear but to be taken like that, to be kidnapped, there was fear in my heart that could never be dislodged.

"And no matter how _little_ you know about me," my tone became menacing and threatening and it was something that registered in his eyes, "I have something called a shred of _common decency_. I would not take my sister's lover as my own no matter what."

Sebastian winced and his jaw clenched at my insults before he countered impulsively, "He loves you."

I inclined my head in an accommodating gesture to irritate him, "You're right. He does. And Bethany loves me. She would have been happy to share Anders with me. She's said as much."

He gaped at that, "She said what?"

I laughed cynically, "Oh yes. When I realized that Anders still loved me despite the love between them, I asked him if Bethany knew. She did. I spoke to her about it and she and Anders have always been honest about their feelings. She told me that if sharing her man was the one thing she had to share with me, she would be willing to do it."

"That's very atypical of women," he commented.

I corrected him, "She's not just a woman and neither am I. We're sisters and that means the world to both her and me. But this isn't about Anders. And this isn't about Bethany. This is about the fact that I love Bethany so much and even if my entire world was Anders, I would _never_ take him as my lover."

Sebastian had the good sense to look remorseful and embarrassed but it had been too little too late. I threw the cloak at him and strutted right past him. He stopped me with my name, "Hales…"

I turned my head to the side to acknowledge his words, pausing to a halt. I heard a light muttered oath before he said, "I'm sorry."

I nodded but continued to walk away. I heard another muttered oath and the feeling came back – that imminent feeling of explosion. Something was bubbling between us and though we were progressing and we had a better understanding of each other, there was something there… something just beneath the surface. If we were unartful, it would be a torrential downpour of screaming and insults. I had to tread lightly.

It was very late or if I think about it, very early when I finally made it to the bedchambers. I peeked in on my sister and seeing Anders and Bethany wrapped up in each other with the sheets up to their chins made me realize that I couldn't stay with them forever.

They would always be my closest and they could not be compared to Fenris, who has my best friend. They were my closest because there were no secrets. Anders and Bethany would always be the ones who understood me best because of that special something we shared. Even so, it would always be Sebastian who had my heart.

It was the first night in a while that I slept on my own, in a bed that felt too big for just me. It would take some getting used to and I kept Sebastian's sheathed dagger on the pillow next to me. For the first hour, I clutched the dagger every time I heard noises but eventually, I realized that I was in a tower too high to climb and no one aside from my friends actually knew which room I slept in. I would be safe. With my hands wrapped around the dagger, I fell asleep with my sheets tangled around my body.

_I was dreaming. I felt warm hands brushing my face, a hand uncurling my fingers from the dagger before twining our fingers together. I inhaled slowly and blinked a few times, Sebastian was leaning above me wearing nothing but a pair of pants. I had smiled at the phantom Sebastian of my dreams and made a soft tired sound, purring at the back of my throat. _

"_Oh Hales," he whispered, "You don't even know what you do to me, my love."_

_We were in our own room and I had giggled in my dream, stretching out before him whilst sliding the sheets lower down my body, "Mmm… this is a dream… such a wonderful dream."I could feel the fires blazing, warming me to my soul and the bed was so soft and so silky that my recollection of the room was perfect. _

_His fingers took the dagger and placed with a clunk upon my vanity table beside the bed and with a pained expression he asked, "Why a dream, my love?"_

_I nearly cried in my dream. Phantom Sebastian was not behaving the way he was supposed to. He was supposed to make love to me. With hooded eyes and sensual smile, I murmured, "You're here in bed with me. Sebastian doesn't love me anymore… he doesn't want me around… but you do. You're the Sebastian of my dreams… kiss me, my love and make love to me. I've missed your touch ever so much."_

_He groaned a painful sound, welling from his chest. "Maker, give me strength," as he lifted my hand to his lips, tracing the ring he had given me with his finger. My other hand dragged down his chest, "Give you strength for what?" I asked the phantom of my dreams, "Do you need to resist temptation?"_

"_Yes," was his whispered and aching answer. _

_I pulled the sheet aside, exposing my legs to him as the nightgown rode up almost to my hips, "We are in a dream, my love… Nothing matters. Don't you want to touch me?" I rolled my hips against him, wanting to feel more but gripped onto my foggy vision so I would not wake._

"_Not like this… do you know where you are, my sweet?"_

_My fingers grazed down his chest towards that line of hair but his hands caught mine, bringing them to his lips again, "It does not matter. We're in the Fade where everything is as I want it to be," I said before yawning widely. _

_His fingers stroked from my forehead to my lips, closing my eyes for me in the process, "Close your eyes and rest, Hales…"_

_In my dreams, I had yawned again before surrendering to his request and just as the scene faded to black, I felt his lips upon mine and a possessive stroke along my side before the silk sheets were drawn to my chin._

In the morning when I woke, I smiled when the first thought that entered my mind was the lovely dream I had the previous night. If I could have a dream like that every night, I could survive without him. Without a thought, I had changed into some robes and slid the crown over my head. I had court that morning so I needed to look like a Viscountess. Rubbing some pink lip-stain over my lips, I looked at my dagger and then my staff.

There was no need to be threatening so I took the dagger from the vanity table and tied it to my belt, strolling downstairs to the Throne Room for court.

Being in such a good mood, I had been extra attentive. When I sat beside Sebastian at the throne, he greeted me with, "Good morning, Hales" and a rather strange look crossed his face, something reminiscent to yearning.

I shook my head and thought nothing of it, saying to him, "Good morning, Your Highness."

Though it seemed that much of the ice had melted between us, I still refused to call him by his name. It was petty of course but for whatever reason, the things he said and did grated upon my nerves and I desperately wanted to return that favour. Still, I noticed his jaw clench and when his knuckles turned white from clutching the arm of his seat; I knew that my words that brought us ever closer to that brink of explosion. Yes, I would need to be tactful from now on.

Court started as nobles streamed through, bowing and curtsying as they reached us before sitting down. A list of problems was given to Sebastian and I and I leaned over my arm to read the issues. Security breaches near the western border of the nation, delayed repairs in the Templar Order due to more resources being required than originally estimated, other repairs and refurbishment problems and the last one made my blood run cold. Sebastian and I exchanged glances when we read the final one; the nobles were not convinced that Goran was the enemy.

I whispered to him, "He was there that night. I never killed him though. He fled before the house even crumbled."

Sebastian nodded, "Grandfather said as much. Let's just hear what they have to say and worry about it then."

The first issue was a group of mercenaries that had taken up part of Starkhaven land without permission. They had evicted many people from their homes and taken over, killing any who threatened the area. A group of guards had been sent to deal with the issue but none had returned and as such, could not have survived.

The nobles requested, "We will need an army of forces. This could be a threat to Starkhaven security and we cannot let this go unpunished!"

I turned to Sebastian, "Perhaps we –_you_ should deal with it with Aveline, Fenris and Anders?"

He quirked an eyebrow, "Perhaps _we_ should deal with it with some of the others?"

I had been purposely trying to leave myself out of the equation, trying to bring some distance between us so we wouldn't reach that explosion point yet he pushed me, trying to drag me into the situation to bring us closer. It was infuriating and the ground dipped beneath my seat as he stared into my eyes with challenge, passion and defiance. I averted my eyes so that he wouldn't know how he affected me but I nodded anyway.

Sebastian told the court, "I will personally bring a group of people to investigate this issue."

The second issue involved delayed repairs that required more resources. That was a seemingly easy issue to tackle and Sebastian insisted to the court, "More resources will be given as required."

I told him, "Kirkwall may have some spare metals and equipment. You are more than welcome to those."

He nodded, "We'll deal with that later."

Other repair problems were dealt with very easily until Goran came up. Some of the nobles stood up and told the court, "We've been told that Goran Vael is your enemy."

"Hold on," I said, "Starkhaven has not declared Goran to be an enemy."

Lord Filean, the son of Kirkwall's Lord Filean, suggested, "But in signing an alliance with Kirkwall, your enemies are Starkhaven enemies. Our court is dissatisfied that Goran Vael is our enemy."

Sebastian gestured, "Please lay your concerns upon us. What is it in particular that you find unsatisfying?"

I took an instant dislike to Lord Filean. Perhaps it was just bad blood or maybe he seemed just as slimy as his father but I nearly curled my lip when he said, "There is no evidence that he is our enemy. He ran from the Chantry. That's not surprising. Living the Chantry life after being a royal for so long, he can't be well adjusted."

Sebastian nodded, "True but Goran was given every matter of comfort in the Chantry. Aside from his duties as a brother, he lived just as he did before."

"So he ran. That doesn't make him an enemy," said another noble, Lady Serene.

I protested, "He was there at night when I was taken by the mercenaries."

Lady Serene inclined her head, "Yes but there is no evidence other than your word. You may be Viscountess but you must understand, you once helped Prince Sebastian reclaim his throne to Goran's detriment. Whilst you did not seem to bear Goran any ill will, we all know of your involvement in the process. Your word… is unfortunately not enough."

Sebastian had stood up, "You will apologize to the Viscountess immediately for such an insult upon her honour!"

"No," I also stood and placed a hand upon his arm to cool his temper, "That is not necessary." I turned to the Lady, "What will satisfy you that Goran is indeed an enemy? You must understand, Lady Serene, that if he is an enemy, he will not idly leave evidence lying about. Nicholas Vael has a letter written in Goran's handwriting but I would imagine that the fact it is unsigned would be doubtable evidence."

Lady Serene paced before me, seeming a little intimidated by my calm and reasonableness. She curtsied, "I meant no disrespect, Viscountess. I understand that your word means much to Kirkwall citizens but Goran Vael was our Prince once and to besmirch his name without solid evidence seems unreasonable. Something that belonged to him found in an incriminating place? I cannot be certain, please forgive me."

Sebastian had opened his mouth but I squeezed his arm warningly. He shot me an apologetic look and I shook my head. I murmured softly, "Trust me to handle this."

Many expressions crossed his face. Apology. Regret. Disappointment. Trust. Hope. He nodded and it was like another barrier had crumbled between us. He trusted me with what I would do and that was… consoling.

I turned to the court, "How about we reach a compromise? Until we find incriminating evidence, only Kirkwall shall declare him as an enemy. We can alter the alliance such that Starkhaven still considers Goran an ally until evidence is found. The burden of proof shall of course be upon me."

Lady Serene inclined her head, "That is more than acceptable, Viscountess."

The nobles murmured in tones of agreement and Sebastian had said in a huffy tone, "You are all dismissed," before the nobles trailed out. When we were alone, he turned to me, "You don't need to do this. I trust you."

His outward confession made me cave… a little but even still, I didn't call him by his name. I simply did not address him in any matter of title.

"I know," I replied, turning to look at him, "but it isn't right. We don't have solid evidence that Goran is involved. To the nobles, that will never be enough. We offer as much to mages. Goran should be treated no differently."

He seemed snide and said with cynicism, "Except you _saw_ him there."

"Starkhaven is mostly peaceful. Let's not create problems here," I murmured to him.

My hand was still upon his arm and he squeezed my cold hand in his warm ones. He gave a wry smile, "Still worrying about Starkhaven?"

My smile grew sad but I did not answer. He noticed and waited but I never satisfied him with an answer and I changed the topic by saying, "I'll change and rally some of the group. We've got mercenaries to get rid of."

I stood up and he grabbed me by the hand to spin me around to face him. There was a resolve solidifying in his eyes that made me nervous but apparently, he would not force an answer from me immediately. He asked, "And Goran?"

I panicked and to keep the distance between us, I said, "I'll go back to that _shack-"_ My voice broke for a moment as I remembered the horror of that night before continuing, "and _I_ will see if _I_ can find anything in the wreckage."

I attempted to pull my hand from his grip but it only tightened when I struggled against him. His eyes pierced me in a way that had me squirming on the spot and he persisted in his questions, "Alone?"

I tried another tactic and spoke in slow pace, as though trying to make a young child understand language, "I will meet you at the gates of the castle," before tugging my arm free.

He looked thoroughly irritated by my attitude and I almost smiled in amusement. It was nearly _fun_ to irritate him as I did. I strutted off, confident and cocky until his deep brogue echoed through the hall, equally certain and smug, "We _will_ finish this conversation another time."

Then I scampered.

* * *

><p>AN: I just love the tension between the two of them. It's so much fun to write. Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	23. Fleeing For the TwentyThird Time

**Chapter 23: Fleeing For the Twenty-Third Time**

Realizing that we'd be riding upon horses, I of course picked a more appropriate attire of armoured pants and shirts before collecting the only people available; Avelina and Isabela. The three of us went down to the castle gates to meet Sebastian. Along the way, I hissed to Isabela, "Things are just awkward. I don't know if I want to throttle him or just run."

Isabela laughed, "That's called sexual tension, pet. Just throw him against a hard surface and rut until he can't talk. Tension gone. Simple, isn't it?"

I scoffed, "I can't do that!"

She shrugged at me, "Don't see why not. You were in his room the other night. Why not go a step further? I mean seriously pet, when was the last time you got laid?"

I blushed and mumbled an oath under my breath. She nodded, "That's what I thought."

I became irritable all the way down to the castle gates. I glowered at everything in my path; flowers, the doors, the cobbled stone path, the castle gate, Sebastian, who gave me a very confused glance and then the three horses. I stopped short. Three.

I gestured to the horses without speaking and Sebastian, sensing my potential temperament, explained gently, "Many of the guards are doing patrols and have taken all but three."

I looked over at the three horses. One of an immense stallion, at least seventeen and a half hands whilst the other two seemed more like speedy mares. I turned to Isabela and Aveline but each had given the other a pointed glare and both took the mares each, speeding off before I could so much as suggest that I share with Isabela.

The black stallion huffed impatiently and I shook my head, feeling outright nervous. I recognized the horse, he was Zephyr and Sebastian's favourite, wild and dangerous but had, at one point, been very taken with me; the problem was that I could never manage to climb aboard its back without Sebastian's help and even looking at it made all those loving memories well up. I strode towards the horse and held out my hand. He sniffed my hand and I murmured, "Do you remember me, boy?" He nipped at my hair and after a moment, he rubbed his nose against my face fervently looking for the adoration and affection he once enjoyed from me.

"Hello Zephyr. It's been a while, hasn't it?" The horse had me mellowed out, my heart melting into a puddle and I closed my eyes as I lined my face against Zephyr's nose. Knowing that Isabela and Aveline had gone ahead without us for a time, I moved to the side of the horse where a flesh and bone stirrup was waiting for me. Sebastian and I shared a look, one of past memories both painful and tempting. I murmured a thank you and stepped upon his hand, throwing my other leg over Zephyr's back, sitting as forward as I could.

Sebastian flung himself behind me and I jolted when his two arms grazed past my sides to take the reins. With a squeeze of booted heels, Zephyr charged forward and with another jolt of fear, I realized that I had nothing to hold onto. In the past, I would curl my hands upon the reins along with Sebastian's but could I do it again?

Zephyr's sudden leap over a river sealed the deal and I latched onto the reins, holding on for dear life. Still, it didn't make me feel any better. Sebastian's body was hard at my back and I had to constantly hold myself upright when all I wanted to do was sink into his body, lean against him and close my eyes.

I tried to shift forward, holding my spine painfully upright. Sebastian became the demon's temptation, shifting forward when I did and I could feel the heat coming off his body, radiating into mine. He whispered, his lips grazing my ear, "Relax…"

I tried to hold myself all the more straight but my body betrayed me and soon, I was leaning against him with my head falling against his shoulder. Even my hands loosened upon the reins and I had lost myself to the temptation. His warmth became my warmth and I closed my eyes to the bittersweet torture. Now and again, I would have sworn I felt his face nuzzling against the curve of my neck but every time my eyes snapped open, the feeling was gone as quickly as it came. I was certain that it had only been wishful thinking.

We caught up to Isabela and Aveline quickly, the three horses racing towards the western border. It wasn't so far. The Starkhaven city itself was built fairly close to the western border of Starkhaven territory, it was but a few hours ride.

The mercenary camp consisted of two adjacent farmlands that had been overtaken. From a distance, we would see a small group of mercenaries stationed outside. His voice came at my ear, commanding me, "Take the reins and keep him steady."

It was a bucket of ice water over my head. I woke up from my daydream of being lovers with Sebastian and yanked the reins from his hand, murmuring to Zephyr, "Steady, boy. Keep it steady. Even… even…"

I felt, rather than saw, Sebastian take aim with his bow and arrow, shooting each mercenary down from afar. Seeing this, Isabela followed suit, sending both the daggers strapped at her thighs right between the eyes of one man and through the chest of another. When we neared, whatever other mercenaries in the area were not alerted to our presence and we gently ushered our horses to the nearby trees to hide them from view.

I looked down; the distance to jump from my horse would surely hurt my feet but not actually do real damage. I had made that mistake before but after the proverbial ice water over my head, I could not bear to be touched by him and so, making a snap decision, I lifted one of my legs over Zephyr's head and jumped down.

That seemed to be the final breaking point for Sebastian. As he jumped down from the horse, he grabbed my arm and roughly spun me to face him and sneered, "Does my touch repulse you that much?"

I tore my arm away from him and he threatened, "When this is done, you and I are going to talk and until I am satisfied with your answers, you _will not_ be walking away whether from me or from Starkhaven."

I shoved him away from me and walked towards Isabela and Aveline. Aveline looked concerned but Isabela had that playful grin on her face and she sent me a saucy wink. I smiled back reluctantly. Our attention turned towards the two houses in view and a small stable with a few horses. They were small but could easily house at least half a dozen men each. I commented, "There could be many men to deal with. If we want to know who they are then a direct assault is all we are afforded. On the other hand..."

Isabela nodded, "We could just lock the door and you could just throw a fireball."

I grinned, "Exactly."

Aveline shook her head, "Not happening. These men have killed civilians and some of my own men. We need to get information."

Sebastian agreed, "We will attempt negotiations. We attack if all else fails."

Isabela and I shared a look of resistant acquiescence before nodding. Aveline kicked down the door of the first house and these men… well, there was no time for negotiation. After Isabela and I shared another look of 'surprise, surprise', the men were already circling us and ready to fight. There were bellowing war cries that sent the other mercenaries that occupied the other house to investigate.

I saw the leader. You could always tell who the leader was. He was either the biggest or had the biggest sword or had the biggest helmet. When it came to men, it was always the same. I had cautioned the leader with the bright red helmet, "We won't hurt you if you tell us what you're doing here."

He had guffawed, "You're outnumbered mage and we would be paid very handsomely for both your and the Prince's heads."

Some of the men had chortled and joined in, "Nah boss, we'd be paid _even more_ handsomely."

I frowned, "Goran."

One of the mercenaries tittered, "Oh so she ain't just pretty. Lookie here boys, we've got a smart little mage on our hands."

Sebastian offered, "I'll offer you gold in exchange for Goran's whereabouts."

The leader snarled deeply, "No. I will kill you and Goran will offer me more than _just gold_."

They attacked. I cast a mind blast, sending some of the mercenaries upon their backs and immediately, Aveline's blade sliced right through neck and bone. Two down. Ten more to go.

Isabela disappeared for a moment and appeared a moment later, sinking her knife straight through a man. One more down. Aveline's blade connected with a mercenary's sword. Sebastian's bow was used as a weapon of blunt force, brutally connecting with someone's jaw.

Ice flittered from my staff. A few men paused in motion. Sebastian's superior archery skills seemed to have _improved_ in the time that I had been gone as he flung an arrow with enough force to pass through one man's skull and into another's. Three more fell. Six left.

Fire rained and poured, fireballs pitched from my hands to the faces and bodies. I heard slashing of blades, whizzes of arrows, Aveline's loud cry of victory until all that remained was the leader.

He was formidable. He was agile, quick and though Aveline had managed to land a few blows, he was resilient and very strong. He was also wearing too thick a set of armour for Sebastian's arrows to penetrate but… he was still a man. A swift kick between the legs curtesy of Isabela and he was down upon the ground, writhing in pain upon his stomach.

Isabela's foot came down hard between his shoulder blades but with a tug of his helmet, she took a handful of hair and pulled his head backwards with a dagger at his throat. I leaned back, "We can do this the easy way… or the hard way," and when I nodded to Isabela, her blade dug ever so subtly closer to his skin.

Sebastian bent upon his knee to ask the man in almost a polite tone, "Where is Goran?"

"I don't know! We are after him, too. We want payment for helping him escape. We want payment for taking the Viscountess. That's all I know, I swear." He was panting, sweating as his life flashed before his eyes.

"And how did Goran contact you, precisely?" I asked.

He protested, "There were unsigned letters, lots of them sent between the Chantry and here."

Aveline requested, "And who sent them your way? You've been killing everyone. Who aren't you killing?"

"There's an elf girl," he gurgled out as Isabela tugged him higher up, "some knife-eared bitch who works for one of the nobles. Real talented whore, that one. Used to work at the brothel before the lord bought her." He seemed to retch and couldn't seem to breathe and I signalled Isabela, who lowered him slightly.

His breath came back slowly and Sebastian further questioned, "And how did you know it was Goran?"

"Had… his ring. Got it in the first letter."

"Where is it?" I asked urgently, "Is it on you?"

"Nah. Sold it. Some woman in the markets got it, I think. Sold it to the fat one who sells jewellery."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Useless. Aveline mentioned, "We could arrest him. Bring him to court and have him tell the nobles what he told us."

Isabela snorted, "A mercenary? You think those tight-ass pissants are going to trust the word of a mercenary?"

The mercenary begged, "Throw me in the dungeon. Do anything. Just don't kill me. Please."

It was pathetic to watch him beg and I winced at the sight. Sebastian's eyes glinted and with a meaningful nod, I turned away in time to hear the squelch of blades drawn against flesh.

Sebastian ordered Aveline, "Have a man or two stationed here. I want to know if that elven servant shows up. If she does, bring her to me immediately."

Aveline nodded. He turned to me, "We need to find that ring. I will have the woman summoned to court tomorrow morning."

We turned to Isabela, who was busy looting bodies for coin and other meaningful trinkets. From the leader's pockets, stacks of unsigned letters were unveiled. She read out loud, "The Champion has left Starkhaven. Find her."

"If the Champion is too well protected, leave her be. We will find another opportunity."

"The Champion is Viscountess? That is not good. We cannot allow her to marry the Prince. Follow her."

"Her friends leaving her side will soon provide us with a good opportunity. Watch her closely."

"Send men to help my escape. You will take the Viscountess and I will stage a false rescue."

"Have matching armour made. I will need it in my 'rescue attempt'."

"Have your men take her to Birch Hill. She is to remain untouched. Send the men and armour to my side when you have her. She is a mage. Keep her shackled."

My stomach rolled. I had been watched all along and I hadn't even noticed. I grimaced and Sebastian, seeing my expression comforted me, "Goran will not plague us for long, I promise. You are safe in Starkhaven."

But I wasn't. I wasn't safe from _him_. He was blowing hot and cold. I was blowing hot and cold. And with everything that had happened, I felt… a little broken. I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of him. His hand reached for me but I could not take anything from him. Seeing my opportunity, I ran.

I raced, sprinted towards the horses even when my muscles protested by cramping. I ran as though a demon was chasing behind me and I suppose Sebastian might as well be a desire demon, tempting me with everything I wanted. It was too painful. I know Sebastian gave chase, I heard him shout my name but I had pushed myself onward and climbed on top of a mare. With a half-muttered apology to Zephyr's offended huff, I reared the mare back and egged her on, spurring her to run as fast as her legs could afford. Isabela would have to ride one of the extra horses from the mercenary camp.

Glancing behind me, I saw Sebastian jumping upon Zephyr's back. I knew my mare was no match for Zephyr's wild speed and spurred my mare into the woods. I would lose him amongst the trees. Being a mage, my communication with animals always seemed to be more effective than the average human and I whispered to the mare, "We're going home but stick to the trees."

At first, I heard Zephyr's neighs as Sebastian carved the same path I did but as I spurred my mare deeper amongst the trees and up a smaller hill that overlooked the path like a tiny cliff, I whispered, "Stay very quiet."

The mare obeyed and we watched as Zephyr trotted about below us, Sebastian's eyes wandering the paths to see which road I had taken. With a muttered curse, Sebastian drove Zephyr in one of the paths and wisely, the mare and I took another. It would be a longer road but at least, I had lost him.

Sebastian's POV

The infuriating, cunning, crafty, little minx! I truly would catch her and tie her to the bed if she kept this up. Yes, when she had first arrived in Starkhaven, I had been pointedly attempting to be cold towards her, bordering just upon civil so that our business could be concluded and my heart would not be ripped out any more than it was already.

Yet, her voice pierced my soul, her eyes as always made me want to drown in its depth of emotion, her beauty pulled at my gut and her _smell_, Maker, give me strength! That innocently flowered scent of jasmine would float to my nose but it was inviting, sensual and so seductive that my head spun. With a single smile, she reached into me and held my heart in her hands like the walls I built around me never existed at all.

Being with her made my emotions drag out. Watching her made me feel broken, hopeful, miserable, jealous, angry, frustrated, passionate, loving. I couldn't work out what emotion I felt because she made me feel like a _wreck_.

And then she had touched me whilst I feigned sleep. And then I found her in bed with Anders, thinking that she shared some kind of sick relationship with her sister's lover. And then she set me straight, tearing at me with insults and derision as she made me realize that she was never in love with Anders. She was of course, in love with me. The ring upon her finger should have told me as much the first day she arrived. But I had been a stubborn, foolish boy instead of a matured man.

And then she had been in bed, thinking me to be a dream, breaking my heart as she told me that _Sebastian_ didn't love her in the real world. Foolish girl. _Sebastian_ did love her very much in the real world. I think that's what made it all the worse. That's what made my heart pound and clench simultaneously when she drew near.

I had been surrendering the moment she arrived. Slowly. Piece by piece. My heart was always hers. As it turned out, I never stood a chance against Hales Hawke.

When she had been leaning upon me whilst riding Zephyr, it was then that I made the decision. I wasn't going to let her run away again.

And then she had to take off, fleeing from me yet again. Coward. The woman who faced the Arishok without qualms fled the first time when I courted her in Kirkwall. Still, nothing changed. The woman who fought for all mages faced death without reservations when Meredith had fought her. She was still a coward, fleeing from my touch, fleeing from my love.

I couldn't find her amongst the trees and damn her to the Void, she had given me the slip despite my having the superior horse. I wasn't angry. I was infuriated.

When I reached the castle, I had flung myself from Zephyr's back and had one of the stable hands return him to the stable. I had nearly snarled at the guards, "Tomorrow morning, bring the woman who sells jewellery from the markets to the court."

One asked, "What if there is more than one?"

I snarled, "Bring them all!" I took a breath and apologized, "Forgive me. I've had a very rough day."

"Of course, Your Highness."

I requested, "And when the Viscountess arrives, you will bring her straight to me. Escort her to me, immediately. Yes?"

The guards nodded. I stormed away towards the gallery where I hoped that her painting would give me some measure of calm and peace before she returned.

Hales' POV

When Sebastian was gone, I allowed the mare to wander back to Starkhaven, taking whatever slow pace she wanted and allowing her to run when she wished. As a result, it had taken me many hours to return to Starkhaven and it was almost dinnertime when I arrived. The sun had set well beneath its horizon and only the last vestiges of pink and purple remained in the sky.

I slid off the mare at the castle's gates and a stable hand arrived to take the mare from me. I requested, "I've run her pretty hard. Would you give her a little more food and some extra grooming?" I slipped a sovereign into the young boy's hand as he nodded.

I thought I would sneak into my room without fuss, avoid Sebastian for as long as possible but I was not given even that. A guard came to me with his hand at my elbow, "His Highness has requested your presence the moment you returned to the castle. I was ordered to bring you to him."

I stumbled upon my words, "I… I understand. I will go to him then." Of course, I had no intention of doing that but it seemed luck was not upon my side. The guard replied, "I'm sorry, Viscountess. I was given a specific order from the Prince himself. I'm to escort you to him."

Damn him to the Void, I thought but I could not bring myself to make things difficult for the man and so, I had followed him into the castle.

We found him in the gallery, a part of the castle that I had not yet explored in my days there. I looked around me, it was true what Bethany said; Sebastian did have paintings done of everyone he cared for. The guardsmen cleared his throat, "Your Highness, the Viscountess has arrived."

Sebastian's back had been turned to me and without even turning, he said, "Thank you, guardsman. You are dismissed."

My attention turned to the painting he had been staring into. I couldn't argue with the identity, the resemblance was alarmingly perfect. It was me, wearing a slightly off-shoulder, deep red dress. I took two steps towards the painting, staring into it with indescribable fascination. Sebastian had been watching me as I studied it but made no comment. My face, in the painting, held the most serene smile I had ever seen yet in my eyes was a glint of mischief and humour. Yet, the woman in the painting seemed like a stranger to me. It seemed that in those recent days, I had felt none of the serene emotion painted across her face, none of that content feeling and had felt only forlorn and conflicted emotions had run through me. I murmured, "She- no, I- She… looks different."

He was cool in his response, "She was you once upon a time."

I cleared my throat, "It was a lifetime ago."

My heart pounded again. I could hear it going off. I had to tread carefully. That feeling of imminent explosion was right behind me, threatening to push me into an unknown abyss, one that I was too lily-livered to actually explore.

His eyes were trained upon my face and my eyes flickered to my peripheral before averting back to stare at the painting before me. He stated simply, "You rode off."

I justified, "I needed to clear my head."

Sebastian's accent slurred, his voice enunciating his words, "We had an agreement," his 'r's were heavily rolled and I nearly shivered against it, "we had a conversation to finish."

I interrupted, "I did not realize it had to be then and there. I wasn't even sure we actually had an agree-"

"We had _no agreement_? You would dare say that to me?" he snarled at me, pushing my cheek so that our eyes locked. What I found in his eyes had me frozen to the spot. The conflict, the tension, the anger that would snap at any moment, the frustration had me stiff and tense, my ears twitching like a deer in fright. He mocked in a menacing tone, "You fled! That is all you have _ever_ been doing with me. You fled from me in Kirkwall until it was too much. You _fled_ my side. You _fled_ today upon a horse. You _fled_ in the Maker forsaken Void."

He then took two steps forward so that his lips were a finger's breadth away and hissed, "_You even fled from my bed._"

I winced against his harsh tone and yelled through tears, freeing me from my frozen position, "I did not _flee_ as you suggest! I left because it was the _easiest_ path to take! It was the _easiest_ way to keep Starkhaven safe! Don't you dare suggest that I fled through some spineless act, don't you dare."

I pushed against him, my hands shoving at his shoulders but he was like a solid wall of muscle that refused to budge. He shouted back, "Do you hear your words? _Easiest! Easiest!_ That is your cowardly act right there!" His hands grabbed at my arms and shook me, "What about what was _right?"_

I screamed, "It was RIGHT! It was _right_ for Starkhaven!"

He suddenly became level headed and he murmured with heartache in his voice, "And what of me? Was it _right_ for me?"

A guardsman came rushing into the gallery, "Your Highness!"

Sebastian's face pinched together, "Yes? What?"

"Er… nothing. I heard shouting and thought you were being attacked. I'll… leave now," said the guardsman awkwardly.

Sebastian grabbed my hand and dragged me away. He said, "We are going to talk. In private. Where there are no friends to cause distractions, no nobles who need problems solving, no guardsmen to interrupt."

His grip was tight but not yet painful and realizing that the explosion had already happened, I had to go through with it. I was resigned to the rest of the conversation.

That was until he dragged me into his bedroom. I stopped short outside the door.

He challenged, "There's still an ornamental sword on the wall. If you want, you can always run me through with it."

I grit my teeth but shoved past him, crossing my arms whilst he closed the doors behind me.

There was a smug smile pasted across his face, like he had won or almost won some prize.

Seeing my expression, he wiped it away but I could still see it sparkling in his eyes.

The bastard.

* * *

><p>AN: What did you guys think? Did you enjoy it? Please R&R!

Love, Ann


	24. Making Love the Whole Day Through

**Chapter 24: Making Love the Whole Day Through**

The bedroom looked different. Most of the things were the same, my vanity, his work desk, the sea of white that constituted as a bed, the two huge closets but the window… it had been altered. Even the two nights before when I had been in his room, the window had not been so…different.

I had once requested that our room have a balcony of sorts so that he and I could watch the sunset together but the structure of the castle didn't allow for one. Sebastian had someone change the window so that it was now almost ceiling to floor, taking almost the entirely wall in length and width with a square, marble slab had been installed along the windows bottom perimeter so that two people could sit there and watch the sunset.

As I stood there, surveying the new change, Sebastian was watching me closely but he did not say a word. It was like we had come full circle. We had shared this room and then I had left. When I returned, he had chased me back into this very room and I wasn't entirely certain when and if he'd even let me leave. I wasn't certainly certain when and if _I'd_ leave.

My fingers touched the cold marble, pressing my fingerprints against the smooth black and white. Sebastian asked in a husky voice, "So how did that mare run out my Zephyr?"

"She didn't," I answered simply, my attention still upon the window.

"What do you mean?"

Distracted, I hadn't thought about the meaning behind the sentence and what my answer would signify to him. I said, "I spurred her up a small hill that overlooks the path you were on."

My fingers caressed the soft curtains that lay on one side of the window as he asked, "So you waited till I left until you came back?" I should have noticed the way he purposely kept his voice level and without inflection, the way one spoke to a frightened child or a shy puppy.

"Something like that," I replied absent-mindedly.

Sebastian's voice turned sharp, steely in his burr of brogue, "So you admit it then? You fled from me."

I cursed myself silently, damning myself for not paying attention and damning him for taking advantage of that fact. Furious, I told him, "I told you! I wanted to clear my head!"

He countered, "I remember a time when you would come to me when you wanted to clear your mind."

I groaned, "That was a life-time ag-"

"Why did you run from me?" he asked, refusing to let me justify myself.

I pursed my lip, "Is this really what you want to talk about? Aren't there more important things like Goran or maybe trade or something else?" Honestly, I was becoming desperate. I did not want to take part in this discussion for my heart…oh, I wasn't so certain I would survive it.

His answer was simply, "Goran and trade and everything else can wait for the morning. Tonight, we talk about this. I ask you again. Why did you run from me?"

I closed my eyes, his words were like cruel knives twisting in my heart. I should have tried to say something but I had given up. He'd blow hot and cold and I couldn't take it if in the next moment, he would be cold. I answered, "I have nothing to say," and tried to walk to the door.

It was locked. I twisted the handle again. Locked.

"It's locked," he said whilst crossing his arms over his broad chest, "I had a feeling you would try to run again." In three large strides, he boxed me in against the door, one hand on either side of my head with his face only a few inches away. "You will answer the questions I ask, Hales or I swear, I will tie you to the bed and torture the answers from you."

My eyes snapped open and I sneered, "Slightly inappropriate of you, don't you think?"

He pushed himself from the door with an aggravated groan and gestured to the bed, "You would use your false sense of propriety against me when I have made love to you in this very room more times than I can count?"

I cried out, "False sense of propriety? I am not some easy whore to rut with in your room! There is nothing false about it!"

He laughed cynically, "Oh really? So you would whisper words of love in my ear when convenient or beg me to make love to you when you wish it but use propriety against me?"

"I never-"

He grabbed something from the vanity and yelled, "Then what is this?" as he threw speckles of dried flowers in the air. It hit me. The speckles of dried red, blue and purple littered the floor. Those were the flowers that were in my hair that night I went up into his room. I felt the blood rush from my face as I realized that he had been awake, listening to me whisper in his ear, feeling my every touch and caress.

His fingers grabbed and tugged the dagger at my belt, the leather ties snapping cleanly in half as he went. He yelled, "And where did you find this?"

How could he have known that I begged him to make love to me… unless… it wasn't a dream? My hand covered my mouth in shock, I whispered, "I found…it…" and I remembered that day, when I woke up, my hand wasn't curled around the dagger…

He whispered back, "On your vanity."

I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the door. I felt his hands graze my sides and I shivered as I tried to fight the touch with a frown and tightly shut eyes. His hand dropped and his said in a most defeated tone, "You _are_ repulsed by my touch. And I thought…"

My eyes flew open in shock and I took a step forward, "No! No… please don't think that. I'm not. I was never. I just… one touch…" I looked away blushing, breaking off.

"Hales… just, please… do not torture me so." He pointed to the bed and whispered into the night air, "Do you know what it was like to wake up that morning, grope for you and find nothing in the sheets? Do you know what it was like to look up and find the closet doors flung open and empty? Do you know what it was like to read that letter you left?"

I closed my eyes, hoping that maybe that would make his words hurt me less as he continued, "How many nights have I lain in this bed, half in sleep, reaching for you and finding nothing but cold sheets? How many nights have I thrashed in bed, alone on this bed wanting and wishing for you? I pled to the Maker hoping he could turn back the time and make you walk through those Chantry doors sooner so we would have more time and other days, I pled hoping you had never walk through them at all. I can't live like this… I can't be like this anymore."

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I never meant-"

"And you've spent the last few days in Starkhaven and with one look, my entire world has been broken apart. I wanted to resist you. A woman has no right to make a man's existence surround her and then leave him alone at night but even still, I could not help but want you. I could not help but _love _you," his eyes became glassy and he refused to look at me as I silently cried and he almost snarled, "And I had to watch you dance with Fenris, dance with _Anders_. I wanted nothing more than to nock an arrow right into his eye."

My heart caved. I needed him. I tried to speak but no sound came out. Still, his voice echoed in my ears, "I can fight bruises, cuts and swords but I can't fight what you do to me and even after all this time, you won't look me in the eye until you think you're dreaming and you won't even say my name. If I have to hear 'Your Highness' one more time from you, I think I'd rather toss myself out of this window."

It was too much. All of his words punctured my heart and I collapsed upon the floor, finding it hard to breathe. I clutched at my heart and suddenly, he was beside me, his arms cradling me, "Hales! Are you alright?"

I shook my head, "No… No, I'm not alright."

His hands slid all over my body, touching me for injuries and I lost myself in his touch as he asked, "Were you injured? Hales. Hales, look at me. What hurts? I'll get And-"

My hand clutched at his arm, "My heart hurts, Sebastian. My heart aches without you," I sobbed as I spoke.

Once I started, I couldn't stop, everything came out in rushes of breath and I couldn't keep it in. It was like a torrential pour of words that flew out and I could not resist anymore, "I came to Starkhaven wanting to win you back. I thought I could seduce you with Isabela's tricks and Aveline's oil but when you looked at me, it was like you thought I was irritating. One minute, you were staring at me with passion in your eyes and next, you were cold and curt. I couldn't handle the hurt. I ran. I ran."

Slowly, my body stopped shaking. Slowly, I stopped sobbing but my words spilled forth, "I love you so much. The first day I got to Kirkwall, I didn't even notice the collapsed building and I didn't leave the estate for three weeks. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't breathe without seeing you everywhere."

Sebastian caressed my cheeks and I rest my head against his hand, "Why, Hales? Why did you leave like that?"

I crawled into his lap and whispered, "I couldn't leave with you awake, Sebastian. I would never be able to pluck up that courage but I couldn't bear to think of what those nobles would do to you and Starkhaven. I couldn't ask Starkhaven to pay for our happiness so I put the city before us."

"No more, Hales. No more. I won't live without you. I won't live without your love anymore," he murmured into my ear as he pulled me close, his arms wrapped around my waist. We rocked, both of us upon my floor, my head in his chest and my arms around his neck.

I showed him my left hand, "You've been wondering why I still wear the ring, haven't you?"

He nodded, touching my hand in reverence, stroking my knuckles with his lips and I told him, "I promised you all that I was. I loved you and still love you and you have me, mind, heart and soul."

Sebastian's next words had me freezing in shock, "That's not enough anymore."

"What?" I pushed him away and shook my head from side to side, my breath catching short. "But you …"

"You misunderstand," he whispered as his arms slipped underneath me and cradled me to his body as he stood, walking to the bed and gently placing me upon the bed. He murmured, "Promise me your body, too. I can't live without you. That requires your body be within a very tiny radius from mine."

I laughed, breathless from relief and he crawled upon the bed, lying upon me. He murmured, "Give me your body."

I teased, "Are you wanting me only for my body?" His response was a single, possessive look that made my heart flutter and a single, possessive stroke down the length of my side that made the entire world go up in flames.

"Well?" he asked.

My body responded helplessly, arching up into him for more. He was not satisfied with my reaction and stopped completely, raising an eyebrow and I smiled, "Yes. I give you my mind, my heart, my soul and my body."

His arms rested on either side of my head and his lips brushed mine. Once. Twice. He would have done it again but I refused, curling my arms around his neck for open mouthed kisses. My tongue traced his lips. I felt him cave, his tongue reaching out for mine as we slid over each other before our mouths fused together. My entire world shook apart.

We kissed like we were air for the other. His lips ravaged mine, suckled, devoured, nibbles and waves of pleasure came over me. I drank from his lips and I just couldn't get enough.

With hands, I reached under his armour for that hidden catch that made everything come off at once. The metal slid free and with as much care as I could, I dropped it upon the floor. His lips left mine for a moment, "How is it that the day at the Wounded Coast, you knew how to remove my armour?"

I blushed at the memory and explained, "In the days when you were travelling from city to city, asking for help to reclaim your city, I often travelled to the Chantry to watch you work… and then one day, you were frustrated, taking it out upon scarecrows in the garden with your bow and arrows…"

My hands trailed down his chest, undoing the laces near his neck before gesturing in my hand for him to remove his shirt, "It was a hot summer's day, sweltering and scorching… I watched as you slid your hands under the armour to release the catch…"

His chest was bared out before me and I leaned forward to lick a stripe at his breast bone, "But you didn't stop there… you flung that soft shirt you wore over your head and mmm…"

Sebastian smirked, "Yes...? You can't leave me hanging like that."

I giggled coquettishly, "And there you were, all bare-chested with a sheen of sweat covering you… and all those muscles…" I flipped up and straddled his thighs, rubbing both my hands from his shoulder to his chest, "Yes… these muscles."

His nostrils flared and his eyes darkened. Fingertips pulled at my shirt that was neatly tucked into my pants and I rocked my hips against his, watching him stifle a groan. Sebastian's fingers became insistent and hurried as he tried to undo the many buttons that would lead to my uncovering. I smirked at him, knowing that he was feeling impatient.

Growling, he muttered, "Do you care for this shirt?" I shook my head and he snarled, "Good" before taking two handfuls of the material and ripping it to pieces, buttons popping about in the room. I threw it across the room, letting it land wherever it wanted. Then his fingers were upon me and I gasped in shock.

Sebastian's fingertips had always been rough but when he touched me, it took me by surprise. He grinned, "That's what happens when you leave my bed and make me so frustrated that I have to keep my hands on a bow rather than on you."

I laughed, leaning over the side of the bed to toe my boots off and seeing my movements, he did the same. As I crawled back onto him, kissing a line down his chest to his stomach, I teased him, "You could have kept your hands to yourself…" My hands palmed him through his breeches and he groaned out as I whispered seductively, "You could have done this."

He was like putty underneath my hands and I had to smirk at that. If there was one thing distance did, it seemed to make him want me all the more. I pulled the leather strips from their moorings and as he lifted his hips, I pulled them down, leaving him to kick them off himself. I was a heartless tease that night. My hands trailed down his neck and I murmured into his ear, "You know, I'm not convinced that you want me as much as you say…Maybe you should tell me what you want."

"I want you," was his broken murmur, "touch me…Maker, Hales."

"Here?" I asked as I touched his chest. "Here?" I asked as my hands trailed to his hips, grazing the bones with feather light touches. His hips bucked, his hands gripped the sheets into balls as he tried to control himself. I whispered, "Or is it here?" my hand gave a complete stroke from the tip to stem and he moaned, the sound ripping itself from deep within his chest.

I whispered, "Yes… that's what I thought. Is this where you wanted to touch when I was gone?"

He had breath and energy enough to simper, "No. That's where I wanted _you_ to touch. From here on out, it's your job to attend to that general area."

Sebastian had never been quite so direct before during sex and I had gaped at him. He shocked me further by asking, "Did you want me to fill that lovely mouth of those? I remember those lips were very talented."

I told him, "Don't be so cocksure. I intend on wiping that smug look off your face," before giving him what he wanted. My touch. My mouth. My tongue. I slid my lips over him and suckled him, my hands kneading over his thighs and my tongue swirling over the head. His legs tensed and with my nails, I gently scratched down his inner thighs. "Hales…" he moaned.

I licked him from base to tip and he whimpered, his lips pursing and I slid his full length into my mouth, throbbing and hot as it hit the back of my throat. Oh, how he caved, a long and guttural moan welling from his mouth and involuntarily, his hips bucked again. I slipped my head up, hollowing my cheeks as I tilted back until only the tip of him was in my mouth, tasting and stimulating with lips and tongue. Both his hands buried itself in my hair, his fingers gripping my tresses and I muffled a moan around him.

As I hummed, his chin jutted up in the air and I could visibly see his throat bob as he swallowed and then cried out, sweat beading upon his forehead. He protested, "You're testing…" he moaned a little as he tried to finish his sentence, "my resolve."

Sebastian was gentle but he tugged upon my hair, trying to lift me to his body. I ignored it, focusing upon pleasuring him but eventually, he grew insistent and I rose to him, giving him a moue of disappointment. He whispered, "You will have what you want but you will end this too soon with that trying mouth of yours. I was only joking when I said…"

I kissed him to silence his words and he rolled us over, his fingers tugging at my pants as I undid my breast band. His fingers bit into my skin and ensuring he was hooking my underclothes, he pulled it swiftly down my legs, leaving me bare and naked for him. His palms touched me with reverence, the same kind of worship that I had forgotten. He whispered, "I love your legs. Those pants drove me to distraction on that horse." As he went, his voice became hoarse, coloured by arousal, "It made me hard for you."

Goosebumps rose all over my skin, drawing and revealing the trail that he had taken along my body. I shuddered as he murmured, "So perfectly sleek and soft…Even in my Chantry days," his eyes roamed my body until they found mine, "I used to imagine them wrapped around me."

His lips found mine and we shared a kiss fuelled by desperate need. His hands became rough and mine were frantic. Then he ripped myself from me and commanded, "I want to see you open yourself for me."

It was an erotic request that had my breath hitching, my eyes closing and warmth tingling between my legs but neither could I refuse. I kept my legs together as I bent them at the knee, both feet planted upon the mattress before spreading them, slow, hesitant and shy.

"It's just as I remembered," he hummed as his hand cupped me, "Only better," rubbing me with the heel of his palm. Pleasure exploded and rushed through me like a drug. I moaned and he was still taking his time, lifting to stare at his wet fingers, tasting them in his mouth. He closed his eyes and made a soft noise of contentment.

"The evidence of your desire," he commented, "I should tease you as you did me just then but I cannot," before he buried his face into me, tasting and expertly licking at my sex. His tongue was heavy against me, alternating between swirling his tongue around my pearl or spearing right into my core. It made me teeter over the edge of oblivion and somehow, he always knew. Every time I was close, he backed down, allowing me to simmer before building me up higher again. My back arched and my hips rolled up, grinding into him, my fingers rubbing at his scalp. I moaned out his name and pleaded, "Sebastian… more…"

Two fingers slid into me and curled as they slid out and moments later, my body was wracked by pleasure, spasm after spasm taking over as I reached a hot and heady climax. My breath came out short as he suckled the last remnants of my orgasm, he whispered, "I've dreamed about having your legs over my shoulders as I feasted upon _my_ flower." _My_ flower...he had said... how very possessive.

I whined as my body went up into heat again, eager for more and he continued, "And I've wanted your legs around me as I drove into you like this," and in a single thrust, he was buried within, all the way, sword to the hilt. I cried out and he groaned in unison, our joining too much for him to bear.

Sebastian's fingers strummed at my pearl and he told me, "Come for me. I want you coming for me… all night long." His words were emphasised by short pison-like strokes and as his lips kissed down my neck, nibbling at my collarbone, my legs wrapped around him, nails digging into his sides as I released again.

I was shaking and if I had been standing, my legs would have given out but Sebastian was relentless, refusing to cave to the pleasure, his hips pumping into me, thrusting with the intensity that made me want to _cry_ from pleasure. He closed his mouth around mine for just a brief moment before he was panting in my ear and I could tell, he was trying to hold. He growled out, "You'll come for me," in a dominating tone as though he was trying to find a way into my body and never come out, as though he was searching for all of my secrets and thrusting it into the bedroom air. I was on fire with need.

I begged, "I can't… Sebastian, I can't."

He murmured with broken words and wild, frantic movements, "You're talking… so clearly, you can." He gave me no reprieve, his fingers toying at my body until I gave and gave, released and came, fluttering and vibrating against his hard shaft. Then, with a particularly hard push, his jaw clenched and he surrendered to the inevitable.

He shook, trembled and groaned out, emptying himself into my depths. He placed his head between my breasts, his puffs of air heating the valley and making me shiver. He rode out the spasms and ripples of pleasures that shattered in his mind and finally, collapsed upon me.

I nuzzled into his shoulder, my arms curling around his back, stroking and caressing. He stayed that way, partially covering my body with his own and I found that feeling of serenity that I hadn't felt in a while. I smiled, feeling warm and loved, curling into him as I used to. I belonged in his arms. I found that serene thing I hadn't felt in a while.

He had energy enough to lift his head and stare into my eyes, "I love you, Hales. You are everything that is bright, beautiful, kind and good in this world and you mean the world to me. You _are_ the world to me."

I pressed my hand to his face and pushed him down the bed beside me. I smiled, "I love you too, Sebastian," and it was a long while before the two of us settled into sleep.

I felt hands stroke my body when morning came and I whimpered, exhausted from the previous night. I buried my face deeper into Sebastian's chest and pleaded, "No…please tell me we don't have court."

"I can't do that, my love," and it was obvious from his voice that he had been awake for at least a little while.

I laughed a little, too happy to complain, "You are silly. How could you plan to seduce me but not give me rest?" I sat up in bed and saw his smug, male smile, both lazy and self-satisfied. I covered his mouth with my hands and told him, "No. None of that. You should be guilty for not giving me rest."

He burst out into laughter, "Guilty? The only guilt I feel is that I haven't given you less rest."

I shook my head and left for my room, dressing in appropriate attire before finding him in the lounge awaiting me. He told me, "I'm not having you stay in the other room. I'll have Oranna put your things in ours."

I teased, "Only because you enjoy seeing my clothes take over your closet," and to my utter surprise, he didn't disagree.

Court had been a muted but dissatisfying affair. The woman to whom the ring had been sold confessed to selling it to another merchant who travelled between Antiva and Starkhaven. The court was reluctant to believe her when she said that the initials were 'G.V' and refused to declare Goran as the enemy until the ring was found. Both Sebastian and I were not pleased but we shared a look, we could find the elven girl without alerting the nobles. That and the fact that we were both satisfied by our coupling made it difficult to be adversely affected by anything.

Other problems were mentioned and feeling mischievous, I whispered into Sebastian's ear a most vulgar and shocking suggestion, "Mmm… these nobles bore me. I'd much rather have you driving into me until I can't even stand."

He had choked, coughed and spluttered as I covered my grin behind my hand, airily asking him, "Your Highness! Are you alright?"

The nobles echoed my sentiment, asking him if he was sick. Sebastian excused himself, "I have been feeling…a little unwell, lately. I have a stiffness in my body that requires _attending_ to."

I couldn't believe he actually said that out loud and had thrown him a most scandalous expression as he dismissed the nobles.

The nobles left. We were alone. He leaned back in his throne and regarded me with an amused expression as I said, "I cannot believe you had the _gall_ to say that out loud, Your Highness."

He smirked, "And I cannot believe you whispered such a vulgar request in my ear, Viscountess."

Then his lips grazed my ear, down my neck as his hands attempted to ruck up my dress. I hissed, "We can't do this here! The guards could walk in."

Sebastian made a noise of satisfaction in my ear, "You should have thought of that before saying that to me," he gestured to his pants. Tented. "See what you have done to me?" he whispered, "Come sit on me."

I complied, straddling him upon the throne. I whispered, "We're not actually alone."

He looked about, "We are alone. You just have to keep quiet so the guardsmen don't hear."

Sebastian's fingers pushed past my underclothes, spearing a finger deep into me as I protested, "We can't do this here," but my body was already riding his finger, rolling my hips up and down for more.

"You don't really mean that, Hales. You don't really care."

Keeping myself quiet, I looked around before undoing his breeches, giggling softly as I went. His erection sprang free and slowly, he guided himself into me. We stared at each other and he smirked as I blushed. He murmured in my ear, "Tut tut, Viscountess. Look at you, spread open for me… in the Starkhaven throne room no less. Hussy."

I rolled my hips, shifting them up and down, my lips at his ear and my teeth grazing his earlobes. It was a frantic rush to finish right from the start. I threw my arms around his neck and his were tight at my waist and hips, our lips constantly nipping and capturing one another's in an attempt to keep quiet. We let our hips do the talking. We found an awkward rhythm, an awkward position that made our blood boil hot beneath our skin and with each movement down, he met me half-way, plunging deep inside me. We rested our foreheads against each other, each trying to recover some measure of control and restraint but when I tightened my muscles around him, it wrung praises from his lips, "Maker! Yes."

I hushed him, "Keep that up and the guardsmen will come for us."

He murmured, "I don't care about them. I'd rather have you _come_ for me."

I shivered and met his hungry look, bared forth for the whole world to see. I muffled my moans into his neck as I came, fluttering around him and shattering in the quiet of the throne room. He had been too close and at my inner sanctum's coaxing, he spilled.

Our breathing slowed and our bodies cooled. I gently slipped him out and used the inside of my dress to clean him up. As he neatened and tidied himself, we both took one look at each other before bursting out into childish giggles.

I shook my head, "I cannot believe we just did that. Cannot believe you even _said that_ to them!"

He lifted me from the throne and we both stood up. He mentioned, "And just think, we'll never feel quite so bored again during court." I smacked his arm fondly.

With a gentle kiss, he whispered, "Go upstairs. Get comfortable and wait for me there. I'll get some food from the kitchens."

I blinked, "Why am I going upstairs?"

His hot look said it all, "I'm not done making love to you, yet."

Sebastian left me standing there and I actually paused there for a solid minute before walking up to our royal bedchamber. As promised, I got comfortable and rested in bed, wrapped in nothing but soft silk.

Yes, he made love to me the moment he walked in and saw my unclothed form.

No, we didn't eat until well into the afternoon when the food became cold.

Yes, we never made it out of the room until at least the next morning.

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><p>AN: I hope you guys really enjoyed that chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please let me know if there was anything I could improve on.

Love, Ann


	25. Leaving In the TwentyFifth Hour

A/N: Once again, I'd like to start this chapter with a huge thank you to all the people that reviewed. Your comments have really made me feel so proud and so encouraged. So, here is chapter 25. It's short but think of it as a mini interlude for the next few chapters.

Now, I am debating whether or not to write a sequel for this but I'd like to know what you all think. Give me ideas of what you think the third story should be about and I'll fully consider everything.

As always, please R&R

And know that you all have my love,

Ann

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><p><strong>Chapter 25: Leaving In the Twenty-Fifth Hour<strong>

I woke and without opening my eyes, I heard Sebastian's slow breath in my ear and I felt his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Our legs were tangled with each other's and I smiled as I opened my eyes, watching the sunlight stream across the room. Then I laughed as I surveyed the room. Clothes were strewn about _everywhere_. Armour, tatters of ripped cloth, boots, shoes, my underclothes, his were hooked on the bedpost and a closet door flung open when I had attempted to grab my night-robes but failed when his hand had curled around my knee and tossed me back into bed so he could enter me with one swift stroke. The robe was still on the floor. My immature but unstoppable giggles shook him awake and he opened one eye to survey me and then grinned.

Sebastian kissed me before he murmured, with sleep still heavy in his voice, "Good morning…"

I returned the greeting in kind, "Good morning, my love."

"Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"You just did," I countered.

His eyes turned a little serious, "So what happens now? You're staying here but you're still Viscountess…"

I pulled my pillow down a little and tucked my hand underneath, "Well, the group and Nicholas seemed to think that I could rule Kirkwall from Starkhaven. I imagine, I'd have to take trips to Kirkwall now and again but… you could come with me."

Sebastian frowned and curled into me closer, "Will it work? Granted, Kirkwall and Starkhaven are close enough to each other but it might not be viable for long."

I shrugged, "I have done all that I can for Kirkwall and another can take my place if necessary. No matter what, Starkhaven is home. Kirkwall never had my heart to begin with. It isn't much of a sacrifice if that's what you're worried about but it seems that if I am Viscountess, it might work in our favour."

He smiled slowly as realization sunk in, "You still want to marry me!"

I wrinkled my nose at him, "Well, I am in your bed and I did come to Starkhaven hoping you'd take me back and we could use my title as a potential justification for-"

"Say it, Hales" was his only command.

I shook my head, "You know, you're getting far too used to ordering me around. I'll have you know-"

He kissed me, silencing my words as his arms cradled me. He whispered, "Say it…"

I smiled, "I want to marry you, Sebastian."

We basked in that wonderful silence for a while before an insistent knock at the door came. The way the door shook made me roll my eyes. Aveline.

She shouted outside, "Sebastian! Get your lazy ass out of there! We've got problems. Sebastian!"

I heard the sounds of Isabela and Varric behind her, "She was in court yesterday. She's fine," and "Stop. Just stop."

There was enough noise outside for me to recognize in between some other voices like Bethany's and Merrill's. Sebastian had smothered a laugh against me before picking his robe from the floor and opening the door. He asked in his princely voice, "Aveline. What can I do for you?"

Aveline huffed, "Took you long enough. Firstly, Hawke is missing. The last time we saw her was when we left the mercenary camp."

Isabela groaned, "She was in court, yesterday, you blighted idiot!" I heard Merrill giggle in the background before a rough movement of metal and Isabela's yelp. Varric soothed, "Come on now, let's calm down."

Aveline restated, "Hawke has not been seen since the mercenary camp. Secondly, that elven girl has been found. She's downstairs with Fenris."

I covered myself with a sheet and called out, "Aveline, I'm in here. I'm fine."

Isabela pushed the door open with a cheeky laugh and ducked beneath Sebastian's arm. She surveyed the room with the most gleeful expression and she asked, "So, is this where I say 'I told you so'?"

I pulled the sheet higher up my body and nodded, too self-satisfied to shove her out the door. I shared a look with Sebastian and he rolled his eyes. I giggled. Bethany took the laughter as her cue to stroll through and she shook her head, "Maker's breath, Hales! Look at this mess!"

Varric chortled and said, "We'll see you downstairs." Aveline blushed, grimaced and then left as well. Bethany put her hands on her waist and asked, "Are you happy?"

I nodded, "Very much so."

"Good," she said before telling me, "I'll see you downstairs and pretend I never saw Sebastian's knickers hanging about."

Sebastian turned bright red and I lay back on the bed, laughing until my sides hurt. Isabela couldn't help the bubble of laughter that welled up and she shook her head before telling us, "You'd best get dressed. The female shaped battering ram will kill you if you don't."

In the throne room, everyone waited with the elven girl and Nicholas. I think everyone was more interested in discussing my progress with Sebastian and our shared love life than the elven girl. There was an attitude of 'pfft, Goran' that almost made me laugh. Sebastian's grandfather took one look at us and he asked me pointedly, "Am I forgiven?"

I had rushed forward to embrace him, "Yes. Yes you are."

Aveline cleared her throat and interrupted. I turned to her and quirked an eyebrow. She explained, "She was found bearing this letter upon her."

I took the proffered letter and ripped it open. Inside was the message:

"Collect your men. We go into Starkhaven Chantry and hold the sisters hostages."

I gave it to Sebastian whose eyes glinted into ice. He passed it to the rest of the group who read it to themselves.

The elven girl watched us all with fearful eyes and I paused to stand before her. I asked her, "What is your name?"

"Brillara, Viscountess."

I asked, "Who do you work for?"

She shook her head, "I cannot say. I am loyal to my master."

I frowned and turned to Sebastian, who asked her, "We would like to know where Goran is."

At the mention of Goran's name, the girl's eyes filled up with tears. I asked, "Is something the matter?"

I touched her arm and she cried out. That was when I noticed the limpness of her wrist and the bruising near her hand. I motioned to Anders who, with one look, told me, "Broken and dislocated."

I frowned, "Who did this to you?"

She covered her face with her good hand as Anders healed it, crying helplessly. I shared another look with Sebastian, worried and tense. I knelt before Brillara and asked softly, "What happened?"

Her voice shook as she said, "He hit me. He pushed me into the table and bent me over…" Her voice broke as she neared her confession and ice slipped into my gut. She had been raped, that much I could make out from her tearful response.

I asked, "Where is he?"

She murmured, "On the other side of the Minanter River, between the two dividing creeks. There is a small safe-house built there for him."

Then I tried to ask again, "And your master? Who is he?"

Brillara shook her head, "I cannot betray him. He bought me from the brothel and I love him very much even though I will never be his wife."

Helpless, I told her, "But in a ways, you already have… you can't go back to him after this."

She nodded, "I know but I won't betray him."

I asked, "What will you do now?"

Brillara said, "I leave Starkhaven and hope to build a life without my master elsewhere. That is all I can do."

I wanted her to give her master's name but I was fighting for a lost cause. She was in love with her master and it was evident that whoever he was, traitor though he may be, he was not a cruel man to his servants and perhaps, he too loved Brillara the way she loved him. I gave her some coin and told her, "Use that wisely and build your life somewhere."

We watched her leave. Fenris told me, "That was a bad mistake to make. You have a viper in your court."

I shook my head, "What would you have me do? She loves him. She'd rather die than see him exposed. At least we can go after Goran now."

He disagreed, "And what of that noble?"

Nicholas said to him, "There will always be vipers as you suggest. Even if we remove one noble doesn't mean another won't crop up elsewhere. We will simply have to be vigilant."

Sebastian said, "We can go to the brothels and ask around. See if any information can be revealed to us. On the other hand, we could go for Goran and hope he reveals something to us."

Aveline said, "I know of that general area she describes."

I called out, "Alright everyone. Get ready and we'll meet at the gates in an hour."

Anders grabbed my arm, his eyes narrowing to slits, "Hold on. You're not going anywhere." I tugged my arm away but his grip was too tight and he was trained upon me with such focus that he began to frighten me. Bethany asked, "What's going on?" but he did not reply, his eyes glowing with a familiar swirly blue. Justice had surfaced. I felt a wash of lyrium pass through my system, a strange cold feeling sliding up and down my bones that left me dizzy.

Then I saw it, the little piece of magic that Justice left behind gave me a quick image, just a quick flash, of something that was hidden deep in my belly. I wavered on the spot as I watched with fuzzy vision Sebastian shoving at Anders, "What did you do to her?"

I whispered with shock, "I'm pregnant."

The room turned quiet and Sebastian, caught with his guard down, was shoved upon the floor. He looked up in shock, "What?"

The vision in my mind had not cleared and though, the form in my stomach was nothing but a tiny speckle compared to what it would be in nine months time, I knew she would be a girl. I could almost see the vision in my mind growing, a little girl growing up with my curly hair but Sebastian's auburn colouring, my skin tone but Sebastian's blue eyes, my mouth but Sebastian's nose… I sat down on the throne and said, "I'm pregnant."

Sebastian's eyes lit up with wonderment, with pride, with joy but mostly, with love. He picked himself from the floor, strode to me, lifted me to my feet and knelt on one knee. His hands swept past my belly and he laid a soft kiss upon my tummy, as though welcoming our child into the world.

I told him, "We're going to have a daughter."

He quirked an eyebrow, "How do you know?"

I smiled, "In the Fade, my father found me and showed me a glimpse of the future. He showed me a vision of you and I in bed, with me complaining about having to wake up for court and then I heard a little girl's pattering of feet, her joyful laughter as she giggled about her baby sibling being awake. I'm not sure what gender the sibling is though."

He swept me into a kiss, a sweet kiss that poured with all the joy and love that I could ever feel. It was a kiss that spoke of never ending laughter and bliss, never ending family and kin, one generation into the next. As we broke apart, our friends cheered. Even Nicholas seemed a little misty-eyed. He had hugged both me and Sebastian, exclaiming, "Great-grandchildren. Oh ho, this will be good."

Everyone was all smiles and Sebastian said to Anders, "Sorry. Didn't know what was happening."

Anders shrugged, "Nothing you and I haven't done before."

I looked between the two of them, "Hold up, when have the two of you fought?"

Each looked away, ignoring my questions until I suddenly remembered to ask, "Hey Anders, can you tell if she is a mage?"

Anders shook his head, "I can't feel any mana in her. She's not a mage." He frowned, "It wouldn't matter though, she'd just go to school like any other child and come home at night."

I shook my head, "Curiosity is all."

Aveline cleared her throat and said, "I know this is supposed to be a happy moment and all but… we have something to deal with."

I nodded, "Well back to the original plan. We'll all meet up-"

Everyone snarled at me, "NO!" and I was taken aback by the response. I protested, "But-"

Sebastian shook his head, "You are not going into the battlefield pregnant."

Nicholas placed his hand on my shoulder, "I shall look after the pregnant one. The rest of you deal with Goran," he turned to Sebastian, "If it is necessary…" A meaningful look was exchanged and I sighed, "You're encouraging Sebastian to kill Goran?"

Nicholas sighed as well, "It may be our only option."

Anders kissed Bethany and told her, "Stay with your sister. I'd rather you were safe." She nodded.

Everyone left for their chambers, each equipping themselves with armour and weapons. Sebastian and I were no different and I watched as Sebastian removed his clothes for the armour that he always wore. I asked, "Do you think you will take long?"

He shook his head, "No. Surely not. It will be a day or twos ride to get there and the same amount back."

I pouted, "Four days without you seems a long time."

He smiled and kissed me, "But just think… we will have the rest of our lives once Goran is dealt with. Isn't that worth the price of four days?"

I lay in bed and asked, "And what of court?"

Sebastian smiled, "You will handle the nobles just fine, I am sure," then he turned to see and sat on the bed, "I… Please be careful, my love. The days are getting colder and I want you well dressed and indoors as much as possible. And Hales, don't tell anyone you're pregnant… I don't want anyone targeting you whilst I'm away."

I smiled, "Are you getting overprotective already? I'm only surely a day pregnant at most."

He kissed me, "Rest. I will be home soon."

I could tell that in the upcoming nine months, he would be an overbearing protector, ensuring my every step was clear of pebbles and stones before allowing me to walk anywhere.

All I had to do was get through four days.


	26. TwentyFive Sisters and One Grandfather

**Chapter 26: Twenty-Five Sisters and One Grandfather**

**Sebastian's POV**

I hated leaving her. Though I would hate the thought of her upon the battlefield fighting beside me, I still hated the thought of leaving her equally as much. I left her in our room, allowing her rest. Though she had been energetic enough the past days, I knew my insatiable appetite had given her little sleep. I helped Hales out of her dress and into a nightgown, pulling the heavy blankets over her, tucking them beneath her chin. Her slow, feminine smile and that luxurious hair splayed out over the pillows made my blood heat and quicken.

I asked Bethany, "Will you please look after her for me?"

She smiled and nodded, "I won't let anything happen to her." With that, I shook my misgivings aside and left for Goran.

It was a mess, a disaster, right from the start. Instead of a two days ride as I promised, it ended up being far longer. Crossing the river had not been a problem until we reached the forests. Goran's reach into mercenaries were further than we had ever contemplated. Surrounding the river stood many of the men, six to a group every few miles. They patrolled that area, looking for intruders.

Aveline refused to let any of them live for it was not possible to take them all as prisoners. Fenris refused to leave potential enemies behind us. To give them the chance to flank us was not permissible. As a result, our fight became long, hard and bloody. However, it seemed that things could be a lot worse for each group of men were far enough from the others to allow us to dispose of them quickly without alerting the attention of any others.

By the fourth day, all of us stank of dirt and blood. The stench was vile, the metallic and coppery smell constantly assaulting my senses. We were too tired and rested amongst the trees, each of us watching over the camp in case more men ambushed us.

We found the house by the _fifth_ day and thank the Maker, the small shack housed only Goran. There were no more men to fight and Goran could do nothing but surrender. I asked him, "Who was hiding you?"

Even with Isabela's knife at his throat and Bianca fully trained at his head, Goran was by no means weak willed. He spat, "I answer none of your questions, cousin. You will kill me no matter what. I will tell you _nothing_."

Even when Isabela's knife dug deeper and Varric took a shot right between Goran's legs, he was fearful but did not surrender. I wasn't sure if I admired it or felt disgusted by it. He had a chance to repent and he would not use it. I told Aveline, "Clap him in irons."

As she went about to do that, the front door opened to reveal the elven servant.

Instantly, I cursed. It had been a set up. Goran laughed, maniacal giggles bubbling from his throat, "I'm very happy to note that the Viscountess is not here. That means she is in the castle, about to be torn to pieces by the men I've sent."

I had him by the throat, my hands squeezing his windpipe as I threw a punch to his solar plexus. Wind was knocked from him and I roared, fear and anger running through me in equal amounts, "What are you talking about?"

Ice slivered into my being as he spoke, my mind realizing what had happened as he told me, "Brillara, the beautiful actress, she was there as bait, you fool!" he spat at me, "I knew you would come for me and thought that the mercenaries I hired would kill you all, Viscountess included. With all of you here, the rest of the men went to the castle to conquer the city. Where is your little love? I heard from Brillara that the two of you were almost _joined at the hip_ as it were."

There was never any plan to hold the Chantry sisters hostage. They had known of their leader's defeat all along. The plan was to kill all of us. Goran thought that groups of scattered men could defeat the might of our family. He was wrong but the blood rushed out of my face. Hales was in trouble.

Goran snickered, "Yes, I will die here but it seems I have a consolation prize. Your little love is simply _dying_ to know me better in the afterlife."

His words beat at my skull and my body shook in fear. It was like my hands moved of their own accord and I watched as I grabbed the dagger from my boots and sliced it right through his neck, feeling his blood splatter upon me. It was sickeningly satisfying but it did not ease my fear.

I turned just in turn to see Fenris' fist fully submerged into the elven girl's chest cavity, his hands pulling out a partially beating heart. He threw it upon the floor in disgust. Our group shared one look and all of us bolted for our horses.

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><p><strong>Hales' POV<strong>

I had been stressing. It had been a full six days and going upon the seventh. He should have been home. Bethany had consoled me, "Don't stress so much. It does your baby no good, sister."

I shook my head, "I don't have a good feeling."

It was true. I could feel an odd vibrating in my bones, a cold taint in my marrow that I could not shake off. Something was happening. Something wrong. Something bad. I couldn't help but feel that Sebastian and the rest of them were in trouble.

Bethany touched my stomach, still preoccupied by the wonder that was me being pregnant. She said, "I still can't believe you're pregnant. Our family never thought you'd be a mother…well, aside from Father. He always seemed to think you'd be a mother but the rest of us thought he was crazy."

I had smiled, partially distracted by her words, "Why was that? Because I was a mage?"

She sat down to speak directly to my tummy, "You were an unforgivable flirt but one wrong move and fireballs tended to be thrown around the place. We didn't think you'd really find anyone with your temperament," then she cooed, "Hello baby! I'm your Auntie Bethany and we love you very much already."

I placed my hand at my tummy, smiling in wonder at the tiny little thing that was surely growing inside of me. I whispered, "Yes baby… Mama loves you very much…"

We sat on the marble bench and stared out into the sky.

Then Donnic bolted into the room and he said in a rush of breath, "Begging your pardon, Hawke but the castle is surrounded!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

He shook his head, "There are mercenaries rushing from everywhere. Aveline told me that if anything happened, I was to keep the two of you safe. I need to get you into the Chantry safely!"

My fear had truly come to pass except the trouble wasn't where Sebastian was. It was where we were. I picked up my staff, "No! I will not let you fight for me. I will be there, too."

Donnic shook his head, "Come on, Hawke. You're pregnant. Sebastian will kill me if anything happens to you."

Bethany nodded, "Come on. We'll go to the Chantry."

I tried to argue but Donnic interrupted, "The mages and Templars have been notified. They'll come for us. In the meantime, you go to the Chantry."

I had been overruled and being ushered to the throne room, I had no room to argue. That was the one thing that I hated about being pregnant; the second some problem crops up, everyone makes decision for 'the pregnant one' and has the attitude of 'let's not aggravate the pregnant one'.

Donnic lowered the two of us into the trapdoor behind the Andraste statue and said, "I'll lock the trapdoor out here and you lock it from within. No one passes through this point. Go."

I had asked, "What about you?"

He smiled, "I will be fine. You two ladies look after yourself," before slamming the door in our faces and I heard the distinct click of the lock being put in place.

Bethany lit up her staff and pushed the lock in place. The tiny passageway was quiet and taking two breaths, I told Bethany, "I hate this. I should be fighting."

She shook her head, "You fight when you must. You have to remember that you're Viscountess now. People protect us."

As we travelled through the passageway, getting closer to the Chantry panel, it became blatantly obvious that we were no safer in the passageway than you were in the castle. Someone was trying to get through the panel which meant one of two things; mercenaries were trying to find a way into the castle another way or mercenaries had taken over the Chantry and the sisters were trying to find a way of escape. However, both of them meant the same thing: the Chantry had been taken.

The sounds of nails scratching against the panel sounded and a scream echoed so loudly from the other side that I jumped. The hairs at the back of my neck stood on end and goosebumps rose all over my skin.

We heard the coarse voice of a man, "What are you trying to do huh, sister? We won't let you escape _that_ easily."

There were sounds of struggle, a high yelp before the man's voice sounded, "Yeah. Be good. Move and I'll kill you."

However, in the process, the panel had shifted aside and the man had noticed. Light streamed through the cracks and I saw a few sausage fingers slip through the gap. I whispered to Bethany, "Fireballs the second it opens."

Both of us readied our spells and when the panel pushed open, the man was sent flying back with two giant fireballs to the face. He died on impact with his facial flesh fully seared and gone.

We stepped out and the mercenaries yelled out, "Drop your weapons or we kill the sisters!"

Every man had a sister with a knife at her throat. I contemplated my strategies. If I was any less of the woman I was, I would have feigned disinterest. Let them kill the sisters. If they meant nothing to me, they would know that I would not surrender so easily. But I could not do that and the moment my eyes strayed upon Nicholas, whose neck was adorned by a sword held by one of the beefy mercenaries, the feeling doubled in my stomach.

Two men came at us and I snarled, "Touch us and don't think I will hesitate to kill you."

The men's commander countered, "Then we'll kill the sisters. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, do you?"

The commander was a burly man, covered from head to toe in armour. He even had a helmet on. I knew nothing about him except that his voice was experienced and hoarse. He would not be young.

I curled my lip and commented, "If the sisters didn't matter to me, I would have attacked by now. However, keep this in mind. If this becomes a matter of survival, do you think I will care more about _my_ survival or _their survival_?"

I prayed to the Maker inwardly that he would not call my bluff and luckily, they did not. The man offered, "Give us your weapons then."

I threw my staff at him with disgust. It was a small price to pay. After all, I could use magic without a staff. I looked at Nicholas and he nodded subtly, understanding what I'd done. I quirked an eyebrow to ask if he was alright and he shrugged, possibly to suggest that, at the very least, he was still alive.

I had to wonder who sent these mercenaries but one look at the armour said it all. Goran's men had been wearing some of the same armour. It had to be Goran.

I ordered, "Put your weapons down. The sisters play no part in politics."

The commander called out, "We give the orders around here."

It seemed that the standards of even common mercenaries had fallen. When I had been serving with the Red Iron, most of the men were intelligent. These men were obviously not of the same calibre. If they were, they would have known that both the mages and Templars would have been alerted of the attack upon the castle. As such, the mercenaries sent to the castle would have been sent there to die.

I threw my hands up in the air, frustrated, "The mercenaries attacking the castle don't stand a chance. Groups of mages and Templars will protect the castle. In the meantime, you're just going to stand there with a knife at each sister's neck until what? The cows come home? The guards will eventually turn to the Chantry. You can't hope to survive."

It was obvious that the commander had either not been told of his men's odds or was born with only half a brain in terms of strategizing. Realization coloured his face and like a wild beast cornered into a wall, had threatened uselessly, "We'll kill everyone here! Including you. You're arrival has been most opportune."

I rolled my eyes, "And we're back to the killing. Why don't you just put down that knife and we can sort out another way through this mess."

It was only an attempt to save the sister's. I had no intention of letting them walk free. Sebastian would have them all killed in a moment's notice. They had no way out of this. It was now just a matter of minimizing casualties… and, if possible, finding out information.

The commander refused, "No! No! These sister's die the second someone makes the wrong move!" he edged the knife a little closer to the sister's neck and she tried to plead and pray. He yelled, "Shut up, you bint!" but she struggled and my face turned white as she ended up cutting herself upon the knife, blood welling from her neck, spurting out onto the knife and floor as she fell to the floor. My stomach rolled as she gasped her last breaths and her last shuddering breath turned me cold.

He could only curse foully. I shook my head, "That was not necessary!" I cried out, "Goran is as good as dead. All of my friends are out to find him. The best you can hope for is to walk out of this alive."

The commander seemed to gain bravado as I said that, which made my insides quiver. He laughed, "Yes. We know. That was the plan all along. That elven bint was just bait. She would lure all of you into the woods and there, the mercenaries would kill all of you." As my face turned even whiter than before, he chortled as though unaffected by the death he caused, "Yes, you would have died, too. Lucky for you, you're here. Unlucky for you, Goran will kill you himself."

Then he sniggered, "Unless he wants you as a plaything in his bedroom."

My fists clenched in hatred.

My heart ached in fear.

My family.

Where were they?

Were they safe?

* * *

><p>AN: Let me know what you think and what your opinions are on the potential sequel!

Love, Ann


	27. TwentySix Swords  One Dagger Too Many

**Chapter 27: Twenty-Six Swords but One Dagger Too Many**

It was hours before help arrived. It was hours before the double Chantry doors opened up and Templars and mages crowded around the entrance. It was no use, of course. With all the threatening of killing the sisters and mothers of the Chantry, the Templars and mages could do nothing but ready their weapons. We were at an impasse.

I exchanged a look with Bethany, twitching my ears in irritation. She shrugged, indicating her lack of ideas. I exchanged a look with Nicholas. Poor man. He had been standing there still as a statue for hours with that sword at his neck. I had to give some of the mercenaries a little credit. They could hold a sword for a very long time.

"Move aside!" came a thick brogue and my breath sighed out in relief.

Sebastian.

I counted as each of my friends came into view. Isabela. Aveline. Varric. Anders. Merrill. Fenris. Sebastian. Each of them was covered from head to toe in blood. Sebastian's face was splattered with blood but I could tell that it was not his. He did not look at me. Then a head came rolling from his hands and my mouth dropped in shock as its lumpy face revealed itself.

Goran.

I nearly retched. Bethany turned green. Sebastian ordered with authority and command, "Allow the sisters to walk free and you will find mercy."

Twenty or so mercenaries against the might of the Starkhaven army? It was no wonder that the knives were gone in an instant and the sisters and mothers scattered. Nicholas stretched out but did not move. Bethany and I had still been staring at Goran's head. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the violence of it all. And seeing the blood upon Sebastian's face, I could tell it was he who made the final blow. I winced; I could not imagine Sebastian committing such brutality.

Then Sebastian gestured with his hands and the Templars charged. Bethany and I shared a look of shock before running to the doors. Bethany slipped through. I did not. I felt two hairy arms grab me. I kicked, threw a fireball at him but missed. As he evaded, I fell upon the floor. I saw him attempt to pounce upon me, a dagger raised in the air. I had a fireball readied but it was too late.

A hard wall slammed into him and with a loud howl, the mercenary fell. I saw nothing in the brief flash of movement.

What I did see was Sebastian towering above me.

What I did see was Sebastian falling upon his knees.

What I did see was a dagger embedded into Sebastian's side, the dagger meant for me.

What I did see was the pool of blood that spilled from the wound.

What I did see was Sebastian's last wistful smile as he murmured my name and finally closed his eyes from the pain.

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><p>AN: Three chapters in one day. I hope you guys enjoy. Once again, please R&R and let me know what you think a sequel should be!

Love, Ann


	28. A Promise of TwentyEight Words

**Chapter 28: A Promise of Twenty-Eight Words**

There were bodies everywhere but in my eyes, there was only one. There were mages healing fallen guards, Templars and other men but in my eyes, only one had fallen.

I screamed, "Anders!"

He came sprinting along, vials of potions already in hand. Anders tested Sebastian's pulse and nodded, "He's alive but weak." I recognized some black sludge in a vial and opening Sebastian's mouth, Anders poured the solution down into his throat.

It took a moment but the bleeding stopped. Anders warned me, "I'm going to pull the dagger out. The second I do that, you need to put pressure on the wound so I have time to pour another potion down his throat."

I nodded and he motioned, "One…two…three…" my hands were fast, working without even a moment of thinking. My hands pushed against his side, blood covering my skin with red stains as Anders poured more black sludge down his throat. The wound did not bleed.

Anders lifted my hands away from the wound and studied the wound for a moment, pouring red healing potions into the gash. I cried out, "What are you doing?"

He didn't need to explain. As I watched, purple and green liquid seeped from the gash, I knew that the dagger had been covered with poison and the potion Anders used was pushing it out of his system. He motioned to his own leg, "I got cut by one of the men, thinking he wasn't close enough," and right above his knee was a patch of purple and black skin that looked like it had been festering for a month.

I gaped at his injury and he waved my expression away, "Its fine, the poison is slowly coming out. It looks much worse than it is."

I yelled out, "Bethany! Anders is injured."

Bethany came running at once, forcefully shoving vials of potions into Anders' mouth. If Sebastian hadn't been lying there, bled out and pale, I probably would have laughed at the death glare Anders shot me.

We waited as Sebastian's blood ran clean and a few drops of red seeped out as the last of the poison cleared away. I sighed in relief as Anders declared, "He's fine. You'll need to get him into a bath, though. I don't want that getting infected. He's got too much blood all over him. And dirt. For a Prince, he really smells."

I nearly laughed in relief and noticed that the side chain mail of his armour was cut through. I murmured, "The dagger went straight through his armour."

Anders' only response was, "Good. Tell him to get a new piece of armour commissioned that doesn't involve shoving Andraste's face between his legs every morning. I'm sure the Maker will thank him in the long run."

That made me smile and Bethany managed a light chuckle. He handed me a white salve and another black potion, "You know how to use this, I'm sure."

I nodded, I recognized the white salve as the same as the one Anders used upon me after a rogue had slashed my back. I said, "Bath first, use the black potion if the wound starts bleeding and pour the white salve on top to weld the flesh together."

Anders warned me with a meaningful look, "And no physical exertions until the skin stops looking aggravated and raw."

I rolled my eyes and told the guards to carry Sebastian upstairs to the bedchamber before chastising Anders, "He's on his death bed. I'm not about to molest him!"

He shook his head, "It wasn't in reference to you but doesn't matter, you'll see sooner or later," he walked away without another word.

Up in the bedchamber, I had Oranna run a bath and then run to the kitchens for broth and soups. With some care and spell work, I managed to divest Sebastian of his armour and levitate him into the tub. He was pale from blood loss and covered in, what I assumed, to be Goran's blood. I murmured, "Oh Sebastian, what happened to you?"

By that time, I was calm but not yet relieved despite the fact that Sebastian wounds would heal and though he looked weak, it was nothing unrecoverable. Rolling up my sleeves, I slowly sponged down his body, ensuring that every slight speck of grime, blood or anything else was gone. When I thought that perhaps, I was taking too long and his hair had not even been washed, I poured the vial of black solution into his mouth. Squeezing soaps into my hands, I gently rubbed it into his scalp, taking the time to massage and knead before sliding his head just slightly into the water to rinse.

He never roused. Even when he was levitated, dried and placed upon the bed, his deep breaths never changed pace. Even when I poured white salve upon his wound, causing the flesh to hiss, pop and weld together into bubbly and raw pinks, he never even murmured. Even when I was pouring broth into his mouth, there was no coughing or spluttering. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried. I went and found Anders but he had waved me off telling me with irritated tones, "He's fine. He just needs sleep. He hasn't slept in almost a week. Give the man a break."

I resolved by healing any who had fallen in battle, helping Anders and everyone else bandage wounds and pour potions into the mouths of the sick and injured. Isabela, for all her occasional shallowness, was more than happy to help and Merrill, who was far too used to blood, became very helpful. Varric tried his best to keep morale up, encouraging the guards who had been injured with unbelievable tales and awful jokes. Fenris, who was always more wild than gentle, had found his uses in stemming blood flow through his own talents. Bethany was the lovely one who the men seemed to constantly flirt with but under Anders constant glares and growls, it ceased very quickly. Aveline had some of her men drag bodies out of the Chantry and castle, to be disposed and burned.

It was to no one's surprise that when night fell, everyone dragged themselves into bed without thought for dinner. I was exhausted after the running around and my hands and clothes were covered in blood. I thought to sleep after a bath but by the time I was done, I could only worry about Sebastian. Oranna helped me trickle more broth down his throat but he never roused. When it became late, I told Oranna to get some rest. I watched Sebastian sleep, leaning against the headboard. I found a few hours of rest but it was fitful and shallow. I woke often to turn to Sebastian but he hadn't as much as moved. I checked his wounds and they were slowly healing but that patch of skin was still a little swollen and too raw for my liking.

When dawn broke, I could sleep no more and found myself staring out the window, watching the sun rise. All around me, everything was quiet, a silent mocking of how everyone was asleep but me. Hours passed before I heard the sheets shift and rustle behind me and a thick brogue marred by heavy sleep, "Hales…?"

I turned to see him lying on his back, his head turned towards me with questioning eyes. I shook my head and found relief coursing through me, whispering into the morning air, "How are you feeling?"

Sebastian shifted his body and hissed in pain. I rushed to him, "No… don't move," before sitting upon the bed and stroked the wound. I told him, "The dagger was embedded quite deep."

I gestured with my hands, flailing about as he watched, "There was so much blood! And it was in so deep! It cut through your armour!" I eventually surrendered into a half-sob, "What in the Maker's name made you jump in front of me like that?"

Sebastian's smile was tired but wistful, full of an understanding that I was to be made aware of, "I love you. How many times must I tell you that before you understand? He would have killed you for sure. Why does it surprise you that I would take the blow?"

I sighed, "Sebastian… it scared me to see you like that. I would have thrown a fireball at him. It would have taken very little effort. I can't…"

He hushed me, "If my life must to given to save yours and our child's, I would throw myself in front of that man again in a heartbeat."

I looked at my hands, desperately trying to will his words away. I wanted to say something but words failed me. Seeing my expression, he whispered, "I thought I would get to the castle too late. When we found Goran, we found that elven girl and Goran, knowing that he would die, taunted me with your death. It was all a trap, one that failed but it could very well have ended in you dying. Goran's last words and I quote, 'Yes, I will die here but it seems I have a consolation prize. Your little love is simply _dying_ to know me better in the afterlife'. I rode back with the fear nearly swallowing me whole. Then the relief came when you were standing in the Chantry, whole and well."

I interrupted him, "I was fine, Sebastian. I was perfectly well."

He shook his head, the only part of him that moved, "And then that man turned to you. I saw your life, our memories sweep before my eyes. Do you know what it was like to know that I could save you and coming so close to watching you die in front of me? I can die knowing that you live but I cannot live knowing that you lay in ashes, my love."

"Sebastian," I muttered brokenly, "You were bleeding all over me. You looked at me and smiled at me with that bittersweet look. It made me think that you were dying. What would I be without you? What would I do without you? I can't live without you anymore."

"Hush, Hales. It is over," he comforted, "It is over. Do not fret." He moved his arm and waggled his fingers in invitation, "Come lay with me. I want to feel your body against mine and know that you are well."

I stood up to walk to the door, "Hold on. I should get Anders to look at you. I applied the salve on my own and it is still looking a bit pink."

His other arm curled around my legs as I passed the other side of the bed. He murmured, "I feel fine. Anders needs sleep, Hales, he has been awake the past week trying to fight Goran's men with me, let him sleep."

I sat down upon his side of the bed, caressing his face and smoothing his tousled hair from his brow. Leaning down, I captured his lips in a soft and gentle kiss before saying, "Then perhaps I should go to the kitchens for food. You haven't had much to eat aside from broth that I trickled down your throat."

Sebastian smiled, calm and peaceful, "Do not go, my lovely. I am not hungry," then a conspiratorial smirk crossed the corners of his lips and he muttered, "Not for food anyway," before pushing me down upon the bed beside him before hissing out in pain.

I exclaimed, "Stop moving! You'll break the skin if you keep moving about! Behave yourself!"

Sebastian's smile was unrepentant, "I am behaving," he said before lowering his voice to a seductive tone that made my toes curl, "Only very, very badly."

I put my hands upon the flat of his chest and pushed him onto his back. I threatened, "You will stay still until your wounds heal. Anders said to me that there were to be no physical exertions until the skin stops looking aggravated! Maker's Breath, I thought he was referring to me molesting you in sleep and had a go at him for it. He meant you!"

With care, I watched Sebastian roll onto his stomach, the sheet sliding down his bronzed back. With a lazy smile, his eyes were hooded and he murmured, "Anders understands."

I said lightly, "My only comment is that you are both men."

He patted my side of the bed and watching his expression made me melt and cave. I lay beside him and inspected his wound with cool fingers. It was starting to deflate and the angry pink had faded slightly. Pulling the sheet over his back and knowing that he had my full attention, he told me, "I nearly lost you… I want to feel you…"

There was no way to fight him. I wanted just as much, needing to feel him breathing and alive with me. He tempted me with soft kisses whilst I murmured, "You need to rest." Sebastian's only response was to slide my robes off my shoulders, sliding his hands over my warm flesh. I curled my arms around his neck and kissed him, tempting him with my tongue. Sebastian chuckled against my lips, "Little hussy, does my temptress want this too, now?"

I trembled, sliding my hands on his chest. I whispered, "This bed is too big for just me… it's been a whole week, Sebastian. Even still," I slowly pushed him onto back, throwing my robe on the floor and straddling his naked thighs, "no physical exertions."

Sebastian groaned, "You're going to tease me with your flesh and then tell me no?"

I kissed him soundly and cradled him, letting his only movements be limited to moving his arms and hands. I murmured, "I love you, Sebastian," before loving him tenderly, sweetly, with every fibre of my being.

I had very nearly lost this man and he was one who would give his life for me, for our children and I could not help but make love to him in the hopes that maybe, the moment would stretch forever and he would never be risked to harm. It was real, so painfully real but every movement of him beneath me left me no doubt that he was alive, needy and aching.

There was a beautiful morning light that crept through the curtains. It was quiet. It was soft. It was the way in which two people, two souls made love to find each other. And oh, the pleasures of watching him sigh and shudder as I teased each inch of his flesh, kneading and caressing until he pled for more. In his eyes, I could see the flashes of passion but beyond that, the purity of his love.

I pulled him in for long, luxurious and languorous kisses, wanting him to sizzle from sensuality as well as desire. We gave all that we were, each of us taking what we needed, what we found comfort in. He was there for me to love. I was alive and in his arms.

Slow, smooth and soft. Our palms met, fingers twining together before dissolving as arms wrapped around each other. Our mouths met, dreamy, wonderful and lazy. It became too much and with a soft moan, he entered me but even then, it was gentle, soft rocks of the hips.

I wavered atop him, making love with my mind, my heart, my soul as well as my body and I know he ached with it for he whispered his love for me so very many times. He murmured how much he needed me, how much he loved me and how much he wished that I would never leave him.

It was a cruising ride to the peak but as we neared it, it was never close enough and with a deep groan, Sebastian rolled upon me. I tried to protest but he told me, "It hurts more not to love you the way I need to."

The pace changed and each kiss became more ardent, filled with fever and filled with eager. Each movement was charged with emotion, stronger and more turbulent. It was endless pleasures but not mindless, never mindless. He brought us shiveringly close to the edge but he prolonged each moment, retreating, making my body quiver with wondrous satisfaction. My arms wrapped tightly around him and my body arched into his like a well-strung bow, I murmured his name and then shook apart in his arms just as he shuddered breathlessly into me.

I drowned into the bed, my muscles went lax and I felt weak limbed as he wrapped his strong arms around me, pulling me into his fast cooling heat. I promised, "You whispered forever in my ear and I will spend an eternity in your arms. You have me, for always, my mind, my body, my heart, my soul."

I saw the love sparkle in his eyes, the wonder in his face, the adoration in his smile as he murmured, "Now and for every moment that breath still fills my body and even at the Maker's side."

Then he whispered, "Though I am very happy that our wedding might be sooner than I thought thanks to the vows you have spoken, I find myself disappointed that you are capable of being so poetic after our love making. I think I need to work harder."

I had laughed, he had chuckled and we had both smiled throughout the entire day's worth of endless lovemaking, taking comfort and knowing that in some ways, this was the beginning of our own happily ever after.

* * *

><p>AN: Alright, there are two chapters left before this story comes to a close. After that, I may write another sequel but it will be slow due to Uni coming back on. If possible, I will attempt to update as often as I can.

As always, please R&R but as always, thank you all so much.

Love, Ann


	29. The Wedding

**Chapter 29: The Wedding**

The next few weeks were incredibly busy but it was productively busy rather than disastrously busy. Sebastian announced our engagement to the court and as predicted, the nobles were more than happy to agree this time around. This began a stream of never ending commitments and tasks.

I contacted Seneschal Bran and had an announcement made to Kirkwall that the Viscountess would be ruling from Starkhaven. Problems and issues that needed to resolve would be sent to me and what could be solved through letters would be solved in that format, otherwise, court would be held in Starkhaven.

The guest list was enormous and were it not for Isabela, who had been married once before, I wasn't sure I knew how to handle the entire event. Despite what one might say of Isabela's class and taste, she knew what I liked. She made everything elegant and spared no expense.

Bethany and Merrill were my bridesmaids and they did everything with me. The flowers, the candles, the dresses, the cake, the food… Oh, but my wedding gown was beautiful. It was truly a Princess' wedding gown and was made in a princess cut, tapered to the waist and then flaring out into the skirts of chiffon and baby soft lace with a train towards the back. Right down the sides of the dress were small, silver flowers embroidered to the skirt. The veil was not so traditional, soft and elegant but mostly transparent so that my face could be seen even with the veil covering me.

Isabela refused to allow me to skip the bridal shower and the night before my wedding was filled with emotional hugs, storytelling and gift opening. Isabela's gift was a man who "unwrapped" himself for me. That was… interesting. I presumed that Sebastian would be going through the same thing. That night was spent in one of spacious and unused rooms of the castle and all of us fell asleep upon one another, lying on pillows and other equally soft objects.

The morning of my wedding, we all woke up late and realizing the time, had been a rush to get dressed and I do not recall a time that I was alone. Oranna helped me bathe and Bethany and Aveline were in my room, discussing the powders and make-up I was to use. Isabela braided the top part of my hair and Merrill assisted, adorning my tresses with wild-flowers that she collected that very morning.

By the time I was decently wrapped in robes, everyone was in my room giving me suggestions aside from Sebastian. Varric had become teary, Fenris had actually managed to beam at me and Anders seemed genuinely joyful at the occasion. Nicholas had shown up about half-way through to inform me, "Sebastian is already at the Chantry and awaiting his bride-to-be."

I had scratched my nose, irritating Bethany who slapped my hand away as I replied, "Really? How is he?"

Nicholas had grinned, "The way every man is before a wedding, nervous, scared and beyond gleeful. He's bounced from 'what if she doesn't come?' to 'I can't believe I'm getting married!' It's-"

Anders had supplied, "I don't think I've ever seen him this ruffled before. All night, he just wanted to talk about how wonderful you are. If it was any other woman he was marrying, I think I would have throttled him."

I laughed, earning another hiss from Bethany, "Stop moving!"

It took another half-hour to lead the procession to the Chantry and I had been carried by an entourage of guards, sitting up high, curled upon pillows as much of the citizens had waved to me and wished me luck. It wasn't until outside the Chantry that nerves struck me.

I was to be wed. To Sebastian. I inhaled sharply and Merrill giggled, "I think Hawke is getting nervous."

Bethany had soothed me, "It's alright. You're _just_ getting married. It's not that big a deal."

Fenris pushed Bethany aside and touched my arm. He told me, "Breathe," and I did. He asked me, "Do you want to marry him?" I nodded and he smiled, "Then you have no reason to fear." I took a deep breath and smiled.

As a choir of girls began to sing, Varric and Merrill began to walk down the aisle as the first of the bridesmaids and groomsmen. When they reached about half-way, Bethany and Anders followed them. As they reached about half-way, Nicholas turned to me and he told me, "You look beautiful," and adjusting my veil ever so slightly, he offered me his elbow.

With a small bouquet of flowers in hand and the other tucked firmly into his elbow, I walked down the aisle. As I strolled down, the choir of voices seemed to reach ever higher tones of sweetness, of warmth and goosebumps rose over my skin in anticipation. I passed the nobles, each of them sighing over my dress, my beauty but I had to wonder if anyone ever looked back to Sebastian.

For there he was, staring at me like the Maker was presenting him with the ultimate gift and the look of adoration that crossed his face made my heart turn over. Sebastian Vael was the most handsome man that I had ever and would ever lay eyes on. He was dressed in black silk, his sleeves slashed to show a glimmer of white shirt beneath. I knew that he looked elegant, classy, stylish but not over the top but I could not keep from staring into his eyes. It was like his eyes were gravity, drawing me ever closer to him.

As I neared the steps, Nicholas held my hand in his and like every age old wedding, he passed my hand to Sebastian's, a symbolic remembrance that I was now his to hold and love. Grand Cleric Elthina had come for our wedding and she began by blessing the people in the Chantry and to bless our union. In the beginning, I think Sebastian and I were too absorbed with one another to truly pay attention to what Elthina was saying. Then she asked, "If any man can show just cause as to why this man and woman cannot be joined in the eyes of the Maker, speak now or else hereafter forever hold his peace."

It was to no one's surprise that all was silent in the Chantry save for a few sniffles of emotion. She turned to him, "Sebastian Vael, will you have this woman as your wife, to bind yourself to her in the eyes of the Maker? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep yourself bound only to her for as long as you both shall live and beyond, at the Maker's side?"

His answer was strong, clear, echoing of his love for me, "I will."

She turned to me, "Hales Hawke, will you have this man as your husband, to bind yourself to him in the eyes of the Maker? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, keep yourself bound only to him for as long as you both shall live and beyond, at the Maker's side?"

My answer was equally strong but gentle in my love for him, "I will."

She asked, "And who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

It was Fenris' bold answer that rang clear in the Chantry halls, "I give Hales away to be married."

Elthina prompted us, "You may speak your vows."

Sebastian took my hands in his, sliding his thumbs over my hands, "Hales,I have always felt that you were led to me by the Maker's will but today, I know that you are and will always be the biggest blessing of my life. And though I will always be undeserving of your love and your brightness that you've given to the world and to me, I promise that I will love you, respect you as my wife, my lover, my very best friend and my soul mate. Every part of me is yours."

Tears welled up in my eyes and my voice shook from everything he said. My vows were almost husky, whispered but I know he heard each word with poignant clarity, "Sebastian, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I once thought that you were too pure, too wise, too wonderful for me to ever pair up to but here we are," and I looked around me at all my closest friends and family, "surrounded by the people that we love the most and I couldn't be any more happy or any more proud to be your wife. And so, I promise you all that I am, all that I was, all that I will be and know that forever and even after that, you will have my mind, my body, my heart and my soul."

I saw him swallow as his throat constricted with my vows and we stared at each other, eyes full of love as Elthina said, "I now pronounce you man and wife, Prince and Princess of Starkhaven. You may kiss the bride."

Sebastian's sliding the veil over my face was gentle, reverent and he did not rush to kiss me. His arm wrapped around my waist, the other hand cradling my face like I was truly a treasure to be cherished and after a whispered, "I love you," he kissed me, long and sweet and deep.

* * *

><p>AN: Yes, the wedding. I wanted to keep this short and sweet so that there was enough detail but enough room for all you lovely ladies to imagine. The last chapter will be done soon and then I will have to focus on studies for a while but do not worry, my inner writing child will not allow me to stray from writing for long. There will most likely be more stories soon.

As always, please R&R and as always, you have my love,

Ann


	30. Wedding Night

**Chapter 30: Wedding Nights**

The wedding celebrations lasted at least a week but I don't really remember most of it, or really any of it. What a woman remembers about her wedding day and night has nothing to do with nobles or cities or even citizens. On that day, it is only about herself, her newly acquired husband and the friends and family that she loves. On that day, those are the only things she cares about. Is it so surprising that I can tell you nothing more than about the wedding night?

I was nervous as dinner was coming to a close. I could tell Sebastian was too. He would shoot me anticipatory, sidelong looks that were filled with excitement but also anxiety. The tension began to rise and feeling my heartbeat pound, I leaned my head against his shoulder and curled into his side as his arm wrapped around me. I stared up into clear, sky-blue eyes and murmured, "Enjoying yourself?"

He smiled and kissed me gently, "Of course, Hales Hawke Vael."

I grinned at the way he emphasised my new last name and he smile stretched a little further as he asked, "What of you, my wife? Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes, husband. Very much so," and kissed him again, deeper and more passionate than before. Fenris coughed and everyone around us tittered.

All through the night nobles made inappropriate comments to some other nobles, laughing and giggling about our consummating our marriage. I laughed, "And they don't even know I'm pregnant."

Nicholas commented, "We'll have to make the announcement soon to avoid scandal."

Everyone nodded aside from Isabela. She rolled her eyes. Varric looked uncaring for he said, "They'll talk anyway. That's what nobles do. They talk."

I teased, "A little like you, then?"

He only chuckled and conversation flowed for a while longer before the night drew to a close. Sebastian began to become tense. He growled as more nobles came up to congratulate us and under the table, his hands became fists. He was at the end of his patience. I gave a grin to Bethany and she rolled her eyes, trying hard to suppress a blush that crossed her cheeks.

I stood up and standing behind Sebastian, I whispered in his ear, "I do believe you're ready to leave our guests, my husband. Perhaps the Prince of Starkhaven should take his leave and meet me in the royal bedchamber?"

I did not wait for an answer. Hustled away by the females of my group to remove the veil and uncurl my hair, I left him to his devices. Still, I heard a distinct and hurried scrape of wooden legs against the floor and a hasty announcement of his leaving.

I stood outside the door and took a deep breath. My hair had been unveiled and lay loosely over my shoulders. Though I still wore my wedding dress and had been wearing it all day, I felt different. I felt _like a wife_. I wasn't just Sebastian's lover anymore and that thought made my insides bubble up with glee. The extra ring on my finger would take some getting used to but it was a wonderful feeling to be had.

Sebastian was stoking the fire, wearing only the white tunic and the black breeches. His boots lay in a heap on the side and as I closed the door behind me, he looked up. The firelight that glowed in his eyes seemed to amplify the love and passion I saw there. He came to be with purpose and pulled me to him before he fastened his lips upon mine. He pressed me closer to him, his large hands covering my back, kissing me deeper. My mouth yielded to his and the kiss… it was not a kiss like any we had ever shared before.

I lean back to break it, breathless from his kisses and he whispers, "You are mine. My wife. My Princess."

Yes, the kiss was different. It was pure possession, the kind of possession that only a husband has over a wife. His next kiss is different again, just as possessive but gentler, like he is exploring my body again as his wife. My mouth parted with a sigh and his tongue pressed into my mouth, running the tips over my teeth and sliding over my tongue. My fingers thread deep into his auburn hair and I quivered in his arms, overwhelmed by that feeling of ardour that sliced through me.

Then his fingers searched, explored, remembered, traced every arch and curve. Over my cheeks, my jaw, my neck and then down to my collarbones and shoulders before a single finger traced my spine. It made me shake and he smirked against my mouth. His fingers searched, searched for the opening to my dress and finding nothing, he pulled back and groaned, "Your dress is maddening."

I took two steps back and smiled sensually, staring at him from under my fan of eyelashes. Hunger punched at him and his breath hitched as his eyes darkened to the colour of sin. I whisper, "Do you want me to strip for you, my Prince?"

Sebastian swallowed, his fingers twitching to make a grab for me. My dress had been cleverly made. From the outside, it seemed as though there was no way of undoing my gown but it was possible. I slid my finger between my cleavage and pulled out a thin, white ribbon and when I tugged it, the dress fell apart and dropped like water into a puddle of silk. I was wearing a tiny slip of something Isabela called 'lingerie' and it was a minute scrap of lace that made his jaw drop.

"Maker!" exclaimed Sebastian, "You are even more maddening than that dress." His hands came for me but I pushed them away with a purely feminine smirk. I slid my hands up his chest, gathering his shirt and pulling it from his head. As his hands made to grab me again, I took a step back and giggled, "Not yet."

Sebastian swore and said, "You're a bad wife. Very bad. Teasing your husband like this is-"

My answering hand at his groin cut him off, his growl trembling through his body. His fingers tugged at his breeches, kicking them off quickly to the opposite corner of the room. With a single hand at his chest, I pushed him backwards, causing him to land on the new furs on the bed. His arms came around me as I crawled towards him on all fours. He murmured, "Are you trying to keep me from your body, because," his hands unhooked the breast band before sliding the lace off my hips, "this tiny material will not save you from my hunger." He hooked the lace upon his index finger, whirling it about before tossing it aside.

My hands caressed him from chest to stomach, from stomach to his sex. His breath hissed through his teeth as I gently fluttered over him and he held my hands in his, curling my fingers with his own around his bourgeoning arousal. Together, we stroke, fondled, rubbed and caressed as his hips bucked.

Then he flipped us over and slid deep into me. We moaned in unison. He murmured in apology, "I could not take any more."

I confessed, "Neither could I."

It was like a fiery arrow had been shot into my system. I was on fire with need and those flames licked at me all over and I tried to desperately brush them away by arching into him. It only made it worse. We moved together, our thrusts matched and our mouths fused together. I clung to him as his hands caressed every inch of me he could touch. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear my own voice, chanting out his name, moaning loud enough for anyone to hear but I didn't care. All I cared about was the next movement into me, the next light push towards the inevitable freefall. I wanted it, needed it.

My body felt flushed and he whispered, "I love how you blush for me… it has nothing to do with propriety but everything to do with sexual desire… tell me how much you enjoy my touch, love."

My breath had been hitching, holding as I came closer and closer to that fall but when I stayed silent, he slowed down, making the fire simmer too low to push me over the edge but high enough to torture me. "Tell me, Hales…"

I whined and whimpered, "I love how you touch me… how your body slides over mine… how… oh yes, how you thrust into me…Maker, Sebastian! Don't stop!"

He grinned down at me but as I writhed against him, squeezing around him intimately, he lost the smile and found a lust-filled scowl. He shuddered and growled, "Minx. Hussy. Temptress. Coquette. Wife. You will be the death of me but you are _mine_."

He surged forward, gripping my hips to pull me back to meet his movements. The smell of sex and jasmine filled the room as his thrusts became frantic and we sprinted towards climax. Sebastian's fingers reached between us and I threw my head from side to side, that ache throbbing into an almost pain that exploded into my release. Stars danced behind my eyes and with a single roll of his hips, he followed, spilling hot seed into my warmth.

Strength left me and he gently caressed my body, tracing patterns around my skin. We stared into each other's eyes as the fire crackled in the background, curling into one another before he whispered, "I love you, Hales."

I smiled and told him, "I love you too, Sebastian."

His arms curled around me ardently and as my head tilted back for his mouth to kiss my neck, a clear thought came unbidden in my mind before I surrendered to his lovemaking.

Life could never be perfect. Life was a mess of chaos and peace, of good and bad but I enjoyed it. I revelled in it. I had the perfect family. I had the perfect lover. I would have the perfect children. It didn't mean that there would be no trouble, no arguments, no fears and worries; it just meant that for every obstacle I had to face, I would have my loved ones beside me.

And if one day, more obstacles came my way, I welcomed it for I would face each and every one of them with Sebastian at my side just as he would have me:

My heart, my body, my mind, my soul.

* * *

><p>AN: Alright! That's it! That's the end of the sequel. I hope you all enjoyed it. I start Uni tomorrow so I will be taking a brief break but I promise that I will either do a couple one-shots soon _or_ I will do another sequel. I haven't decided whether it's going to be a humourous story about Hawke going through her pregnancy or if its going to be a new villain out on the loose. Maybe it will be both. I have some villains in mind but feel free to let me know what you all think!

As always, please R&R! As always, you have my thanks and gratitude for reading and for reviewing!

Love, Ann


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